Limits of an Infinite Self

Before Christ, there was a promise. Those who received the precious wisdom of the existence and coming incarnation of the Christ, held this knowledge in trust, passing it on from mouth to ear, from the few to the few of each generation. The time came, the stars revealed it. The child was born whose destiny it was to walk that path for all mankind. A Love so profound, no human heart has yet fathomed its depth, drove him to offer his life as a living sacrifice, to embody a divine message of comfort and guidance, that would shine in the world's dark night for an age. Pisces drags on still, seemingly interminable, plunging us all through a tumultuous time of transition as the stellar clock steadily approaches midnight. We are here, children of a planet on the edge of awakening, and if we choose, we can receive the message of Christ, in whatever form and portion we are able. He led the way, a lonely path, and showed us that there is in the living human, Spirit and flesh, the possibility of birthing something greater before which death itself must yield.

The path to liberation is a mystery. I cannot tell you anything but that it is a mystery worth seeking. It is the star that must guide you from within. Your path is yours alone, and only you can follow it. Do not despair if it takes you places you did not anticipate or expect. Do not give up hope, even if outward appearances would discourage you. If you do not give up, you cannot fail. Hold fast and endure, look to your inner light when the world around you grows dim. Do not be hasty to demand perfection. To those who love, much is forgiven. Forgive, then, your fellows, as you have been forgiven your faults and failings. There is no power in the world greater than Love. Seek to love, strive in the name of love, endure in the name of love, leave all else and follow Love.

To all our hearts, a merry Christmas!

in gratitude
william

"See her as she is..."

You look. At her. You look.

Look.

See.

Do not project, do not remake her in your image,

Just See.

There. And there. And there. And there.

Look closer.

See the fineness, the microscopic detail. Every little hair lit up by the sun. Lines on her skin like fractal webs.

Look. Focus! Look deeper. Here and there. All over.



"There's someone in there..."

A Mystery. A long-forgotten Other.

The Other you've been searching for, without knowing what it was you sought.

Not your Self. You may have mistakenly believed yourself to have been seeking your Self. But no, it was not the Self you truly sought.

It was the Other.

The banished Other.

The disowned Other.

The denied Other.

The unknown, unfelt, unseen, unheard, untasted, unsmelled, Other.

The not-understood Other.

The betrayed and the betrayer, Other.

The unreconciled Other.

The unexplored, unencountered Other.

The wounder and the wounded, Other.

The one who had forgotten you, and whom you had forgotten.

The One who is your Self, apart.

Viewed from outside. Viewed as separate.



"Her eyes!"

They open.

They look. Back at you.

A deep, a beautiful Eye like a jewel, like night. Just for you.



"Self, seeing the Divine Other."

"You are Self, looking at Divine Other in me. I am Self, looking at Divine Other in you."

You see her as she is, just as she really is.

You know her as she is, just as she truly is.

You love her as she is, just as she really is.

You tell her so in like words.

You enjoy her, so much!

You never thought there could be so much to take in of her.

You delight in her, in her warm, close presence.

Her foibles and idiosyncrasies,

Her warts and crooked bits,

Her weaknesses and imperfections,

They are just dressing on the Soul.

The she you see is a flesh-and-blood creature.

It's not Her as She is.

She looks  t h r o u g h  her "self" at you, but She is behind the self.

She is the Divine Other.

The one you love.

The one you lost.

The one you've found again.



"I've found you!"

Oh, delicious Knowing!

The *seeming* Other!

Just the One, experiencing itself by way of the "Other."

A game of recognition.

Gnosis. Knowing.

Through unknowing, to Knowing.

It's the One you came here to see.

It is She. In her is the One.

She is the One for you.

She shows you the One, as its unique and personal expression.

She. Is the One. For you.

Her pleasure and her joy are your delight.

Your passion has been flaring up the entire time.

This passion, this pleasure, this ecstasy,

Of Being with the Other.

Of Knowing, and Feeling, through Love, on all the levels of body, heart, mind and soul.

Not hallucinating, not inwardly involved.

But open. And trusting. And intimate.

And you give her yourself, you give her yourself, you give her yourself.

And all that you are is hers. And she gives you the same gift in return, gives herself to you to Love.



"This is Love!"

It is a torrent of feeling, an ever-dancing wind of possibility and power, an exquisite ecstasy of seeing and being seen, of pleasuring and being pleasured.

An ever-opening lotus flower, the joy of an ever-expanding Knowledge of the Other and the Self.

A free and light and easy joy that permeates every thought, word, and deed.

You treat her like you would want an Other to treat you.

You tell her what you would need to hear, if you were in her place.

You consider her side equally with your side.

You honour and respect her.

This is how you play the game!



"And we are in Gaia, with Gaia..."

You are in Gaia, with Gaia, both together in the dream of Gaia.

In Kali's Game....



She has woken you up.

Now you must awaken her.

She saw you before you saw into her and saw Her.

She loved you before you learned to love her.

Her love allowed you to make your leap of faith, now yours must help her to find her wings.

She has awakened you, and now it is your turn to awaken Her.



See her as She is.

That is the beginning. The rest will follow.

Hello again!

After months away, I put myself on the spot, to try to bring forth words that might hold some meaning relevant to the occasion. A summing up of the past year? What happened? I got older, certainly. Hit my first Saturn Return.

"Youth is wasted on the young." What does that mean? Did I waste my youth? Did I not make the most of my time while I had more freedom to do as I wished? (Yes and no. Realistically... no.)

Freedom. One of those words so poorly understood, and a thing so rare to experience when one's mind is shackled to its own limiting ideas. "None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe that they are free." "Fate is written in the cards we are dealt, destiny manifests in how we play them." "Everything is under control." "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

But truth is hard. It's not comfortable or convenient to us, as creatures of desire and fear. It takes experience, as served to us by a phenomenon we could think of as "Dungeon Master of the Universe," to get us to assimilate those truths we would rather hide from.



"Enlightenment is a destructive process." Light, objective awareness, undoes illusion so that what is can be perceived at a higher level of truth, understood from a more complete perspective. It is a peeling away and dismantling of the layers obscuring and distorting reality. What is, is. The more we become aware of what is, the more our barriers break down, our buffers collapse, our lies deflate and our conflicts come to resolution. This could not be otherwise, for the energy these patterns consume becomes too great in the presence of a growing awareness of what is. So we let go, we stop feeding them. Truth remains, self-existing. The burden of falsehood no longer hinders us. Our ghosts and mirages no longer lead us in fruitless circles.



But there are no circles, only spirals. Life is a continuous fractal wave, vibrating in all possible dimensions, one single energy flowing through all patterns. There is only one. All patterns evolve in a collective interdependence, unfolding according to their nature. Human beings are a type of pattern. But what defines human?




Form? Humanoid — a morphogenic template suited to a particular class of experience in physicality. Probably ubiquitous throughout the cosmos. Thousands of strains, millions of races, maybe. Who knows? All kinds of souls incarnate in human form. The whole spectrum of which could be represented here on Earth at this time, all with the same DNA template. Along with a number of non-souled human vehicles, serving other purposes... who knows?

Being human here is like being in a massively multiplayer, live-action roleplaying game — a sandbox. "We're all here to do what we're all here to do." You get your avatar when you're born, astrologically and genetically made to order for the type of experience you're going for, pre-loaded with your karmic imprint from previous lifetimes. You've got your soul family that you stick with inside the game and out, and you all agree to help each other along. Of course, there are levels to the gameplay, each with its own possibilities and challenges.... "Choose your own adventure." Be aware, else stumble and err, for snare upon snare awaits the unaware. So we learn and go on.

Some of us are playing at a more advanced level. Doesn't mean they're any better as individuals — probably they've just been at it longer than others, had more opportunity to gather experience. Probably spent time on other locales previous to coming here. They've honed specific skills, served and stumbled here in prior lifetimes, in preparation for the greatly enhanced opportunity offered by this time, extended to all beings incarnate here now.



The time of harvest. The turning of the age. A summing up, a great reckoning, a day of judgment that will see us all heading to wherever it is we're going from here. Your direction forward determined by who you've become, by your choices and by your heart's desire. Ultimately, by divine will, by the perfect wisdom resident in every atom, every cell, and every human being. The core of who we are, the inner dwelling-place of truth, our radiant living essence, knows exactly what is meant to happen, in accordance with the whole of existence. The separate mind cannot fathom such truth; it sees aimless chaos in direct relation to its degree of separation. Disappointment is its lot, after the fleeting sense of fulfillment that passes every time it satisfies another want.



The true "I" wants for nothing. It is already home, forever complete, forever at peace. It is the integration of Truth that leads to the knowing of this permanent "I": the fount of wisdom, the source of eternal joy, the wellspring of happiness, the author of infinity, the limitless Being, the all-knowing Love that permeates creation, the animating principle of Life itself. We are meant to enjoy full communion with it; it is our forgetting sleep that keeps us seemingly cut off, unaware of its presence. Our immersive identification with the unreal, the imaginaerum, this dream become nightmare in the dark age before the dawn, consumes us.



Be not afraid. There is nothing to harm you here. All is experience, a continuous evolution of experience. The self creates itself. It sees its own reflection. This is the mechanism behind soul evolution. It's what you do with it, and the quality of your awareness, that determines what you experience. Where do you want to go? Do you even know? Unknowing can lead to tragedy: the falling away, the path of destruction. The inverted path, where everything is reversed. Trajectory into disease, distortion, dysfunctional dynamics. Domination-subjugation. Deprivation and predation. Dependency and despair. Limitation and loss. It's a loop we all go through, on some level. But it, too, takes us forward. When we become aware. When we awaken. The detour is another adventure, another opportunity to see. We go deeper and deeper until we do begin to see. The phantom attraction fades and our discontent draws us toward the light. The longing grows within us to return. Home beckons us once again. This happens again and again and again.

In the course of my unrelenting journey through this time we share, I've been at a place where there's all too much to say, and nothing at all. Time is an exacting mistress; mine has given me other things to do. But now, for a moment, I'm here, grateful for the opportunity to say a few words, if they'll be given.

I don't know much about what's going on in the world these days. I hear things, but not enough to get more than a vague picture. Apocalypse is still picking up steam, showing clearer signs of its effects, but it still seems to be holding out for the right time to let loose. Which is fine with me. I've got all I can handle right here, and then some.

Interesting times. Last night, I seemed to get some kind of ajna upgrade. First I heard a tone in my right ear that was different from any I'd gotten earlier: more musical and alive. I relaxed into a flow of mental imagery which took on an immersive quality that I hadn't experienced before. The detail and resolution were cranked up to about the maximum I've been able to see, but now it was all in three dimensions, extending above, below, and to the sides. I had no visible body to occlude the view. I was on some kind of waking trip inside my mind's eye, exploring spaces that didn't all seem entirely of my own making.

Some element of guidance or transmission seemed involved in one case. I saw a temple, shaped like a Christian cross. It was some level of myself, symbolically. It was like a computer-generated schematic, very layered and complex, with different layers and elements alternately coming into view and disappearing. There were three gates, one at each of the short ends of the cross. One for love, one for power, and one for wisdom. It seemed that I was meant to enter all three simultaneously. Each was guarded by an adversary that could only be made to dissolve into base nothingness by completely embodying and rightly applying the one of these three divine qualities.

At the center of the temple, embedded within many subtle layers of structure, was an egg-shaped cocoon of light. This contained a human form in fetal position, head facing downwards to the long passage. It was the home of absolute peace and calm and stillness, from whence all else is a passing deviation. This peace is the treasure for which I yearn, and which gives one the strength to endure any trial. It is absolute and unshakeable.

I can only speculate as to what meaning this all has. Perhaps it was only a fanciful creation based on my intuitive, partial understanding of certain principles. It would seem logical to assume that the long portion of the temple represents a sort of root or anchor to source, as well as a passageway into something beyond the anthropic stage of being.


(A Google image search turned up the drawing above. The web page it comes from seems potentially of interest. Not having read it through, I make no claims regarding any of the content.)

That's all I have time for at the moment. I hope to return here with more to share before the year is out. Peace out to you, my brothers and sisters. Godspeed, and may your journey home be swift and true. Love, William

Tyler aka. ravenise (Revolution is in the Air) posted this status on facebook. The comment regarding hedonism is a nice complement to my personal poem loss to find, but as a whole, this thread applies so universally that I thought it was worth sharing with my readers.

A big thank-you to Tyler and everyone who posted.

rainbow fire coming down
white feathers floating on the breeze
a living water filling me
as I lie here on the ground

greetings from eternal love

it comes from somewhere, nowhere, everywhere
it comes from where it's always been
a locked-up treasure box inside
too precious to keep open wide?
but tell me, then, now that you taste
of love's sweet sav(i)or once again
what reason could there ever be
to not seek that delightful sea
of grace and life's fertility?

I am unworthy, wretched, full of sin
distracted, fearful, absent, numb
too broken to make efforts strong
my will a prisoner perdu
in psychic iron dungeons deep

and yet

I am here

and I know

my Sun has not forgotten me

it hears the prayer of my soul
and touches me
like rainbow fire
feathered breeze
and living water
filling me

a visitation
from the heaven of my heart

which I and all my many selves
can only wonder at
and few, so few have wits enough
to thank, and stoke that gemstone flame
with works of love, day by day
and so we wander
strangers, fools
except the few
who leave all else
to follow Love
and find true Self.

Hello again. I've just returned from a couple days' quiet time and fasting. I finished up with a visit from my friends Amanita Muscaria and Cannabis Sativa. This came about in a spontaneous sort of way, starting with watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (one of the better comedies out there) and gorging on homemade chili to the point where I really couldn't eat any more, and felt very OK with not eating for a while. I also turned off and put away all electronics for the duration, including the cell phone, and busied myself with cleaning my apartment from top to bottom.

I'd found that smoking the herb in more recent times has put me in a highly sensitive state, where the slightest fear, insecurity, lack of trust, resistance, or negative thought pattern can turn a rising flight into a nosedive. It takes a clear mind and a light heart to reach the heights. Fortunately, I've found fly agaric is good for dumping doubts and fears and perceiving things more timelessly, freed somewhat from ordinary constraints placed upon reality by the ego.

The sensitivity brought on by the herb means that, since I can't avoid the encounters with darkness, I must have something on which to rely, to overcome the pull of the dark. I've tried trees and people, but they can only do so much. There's really nothing external that can do it in the end. And so I fixed my mind, focused it upon the all-pervading, all-encompassing truth that is Love.



I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu...



I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM.



In the name of Love, I am Love.

In the name of Love, I command that Love is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that joy is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that understanding is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that a golden age is coming to Earth.

In the name of Love, I command that this dark age is passing away.

In the name of Love, I command that every soul is achieving its desire.

In the name of Love, I am Love.



Relying upon this vibration of Love, the total acceptance of what is, and aligning my attraction toward the ever-climbing spiral of knowing and being, I was able to come through this experience/experiment/test with no disappointments and no regrets. It was a well-taken step on the road of the Sun.


P.S. Many thanks to Les Visible for his inspiring piece Higher Love and the Mastery of the World. It was the perfect kick-start for my trip!

is the missing link.

You know it's missing when you feel like you're dying inside and nothing works.

You know you've found it when you see yourself and things around you open up with grace and possibility and beauty.

Thank you, all my most beautiful friends, for the tremendous help I have received in these trying times. I treasure this grace seed of wisdom. May it flower and bear fruit for the great harvest to come.

Aloha!

once upon a time there was a magnetic love
approaching the heart of the loved
but it was moving too fast
it hit an obstacle
and broke into pieces from the shock
and those pieces scattered all around
still attracted, but in chaotic motion
they orbit the hearts of lover and loved
meeting other pieces, other obstacles
at first not knowing which is which
only over time, over aeons of time
through many setbacks and wrong paths
does that love learn to recognize
and reunite its parts
converting chaos and complexity
into the original divine simplicity
the true, unlimited and pure
the essence and the power.

it is the beginning
it is the end
it is the process
and the motivation
it will not be perfect
until it is whole
but imperfectly they try
to seek it
within, without
and in between
in who they are
and what it is not
in what they are not.

there is not love
without awareness
nor wisdom
without compassion.

soul search penetrates
to bone and marrow.
it is in the process
that we find our redemption.

My intellect wants to take this post in six different directions. None of them works. The more thoughts my brain puts together, the less fruitful it seems for the needs of this moment. It might have something to do with this. With the fact that defining the world and the self is a function of ego which restricts the flow of endless potential that is the source of truest joy. To express that which is most true for oneself in the moment, is what puts one in the flow of life. At this moment I feel a warmth, a breeze blowing through my heart. It's a fragile thing in the midst of all the opposing tensions in my mind and body, but it is the center of truth. Knowing. Being. Accepting. Appreciating. Loving.

In my dream last night, I was walking along a trail through a sunny field of green grass. I was on my way somewhere else, but my mind was right where I was, in the moment, joyfully observing. As I walked, I passed a couple of girls riding a moped through the grass, and I felt how they shared a deep, unbreakable friendship. I saw a pair of lovers lying in the field, totally immersed in each other with such tenderness. I saw a mother with her newborn child, such a profound sense of joy and love, nurturing and trusting between them. There were others, too: a father and young child, a woman with her dog, students full of enthusiasm for learning and having fun. All the while I was floating with each step.

Then I arrived where I was going. It was a college campus, full of busy people rushing here and there with their schedules and deadlines and appointments and assignments, no time to notice and just be in the present, to connect with others in a real way. The atmosphere of control pushed down on my shoulders and I walked heavily, hunched over.

This is the contrast, I imagine, between feeling what is, as it is, and the efforts of the mind to lock onto what is and have it be something in particular according to one's need for control. One leads to effortless joy, the other removes joy.

It's OK to feel gloomy, cut off, depressed. Those feelings are real and valid in their own way and there is no point trying to deny them or artificially force oneself to cheer up and be happy. Accept the darkness. See into it, understand where it comes from. Allow the experience, but know that you are not the content of your experience. You are a being whose essence is beyond all definition. You need not trouble yourself with thoughts of "Who am I?" To ask is to deny what you already know: "I am." Everything else is just part of the game.

We are immersed in the game. We have forgotten who we are. And that is exactly as it was meant to be. Now and in the coming time, we have this opportunity, if we truly so desire, to awaken and expand to other levels of the game, or even, given a critical mass of harmoniously aligned intent, to affect the conditions of the one we're in.

What unites us? What is our common ground? Does that not far outweigh whatever might divide us?

On the one hand, this is a superfluous entry, because I have nothing to say. But then, would that be so very different from any other entry? Anything in this blog actually worth the bits and pixels it takes up isn't from me, but merely passes through me on its way here from somewhere else. And I'll be first to call bullshit on that and admit that it's all ego, all the time... except for what isn't. Make sense? Good either way. It is what it is.

So I'm leaving everything I know behind in just a matter of days now. Certain details are probably best left unbroadcast in order not to attract the wrong kind of attention, but if I've got it coming, then there's nothing I can do to stop that either. "Irresponsible" and "reckless" would be the judgment pronounced upon me by most people, but I'm just doing what I have to do. Playing my part, from the heart. To do anything else would be unthinkable.

I've been doing a great deal of soul-searching, shining light on some deep, dark issues of the psyche. Issues of self-doubt versus self-confidence, intellect versus intuition, demanding versus allowing, my relationship with the Divine (most acutely with its Feminine aspect), and most confusing of all, sex. I have no idea how these issues are going to be resolved, or how quickly. It will be a natural process of unfolding, more likely longer than shorter. My impatience to be done with all these things helps not at all. And that's another issue in itself.

Self-acceptance, embracing the moment as the perfection that it is from the viewpoint of the Absolute... the presence of the One... gratitude and love. These are the things of which I must constantly re-mind myself. And quite often am re-minded through no effort of my own, but by the grace of God manifest in my life and in the world around me. A glorious sunset, arrayed like a masterpiece of Classical hyperreality and utterly indifferent to my petty thoughts of melancholy self-pity... little things, even insects, so full of significance. The invisible speaking through the visible, revealing itself moment by moment, piece by piece. I need this. I cannot live without it. And to live is to strive toward it.

To my old friends, I say thank you for all that we've been able to share. You'll always be with me in my heart, and I with you. To those new friends whom I have yet to meet, I welcome you in advance and look forward to the fun and the learning we will have together.

That's all for now. There will be more.

Everyone has their own idea of what's going on, where we are, how we got here, what we face in the future. There's a thread of apocalypticism that seems to crop up everywhere. That thread, especially as woven in the mass media, is often heavily tinged with fear and fantasy, based on vague or shallow understanding. It becomes easy to either dismiss such thoughtforms altogether and continue to imagine that everything will keep going on pretty much as it has been, or else to get all caught up in the smoke-and-mirrors funhouse version of Circus Apocalypticus. The Tunnel of Doom can be a compelling ride, and there's no end of terrifying and disturbing sights and sounds to keep that dark thrill of fear and despair churning inside. That's to be expected. We are, after all, in a realm of appearances. We each see our own subconscious shadows playing out on the screen, along with the beauty of our divine nature, in whatever measure is appropriate to our individual need and choice, moment by moment.

Objectively, nothing I say here matters a whit. Nor does it matter what I believe nor what anyone else believes. Nevertheless, here inside the fractal symphony of subjective experience, under the prime illusion of separation, each part has its own specific role to play. Regarding the need for self-expression, I recall these words from a song I learned in elementary school, the Rainbow Song:

Listen with your eyes
listen with your eyes
and sing everything you see.

I write, not because I believe it will make any difference, but because I am compelled and moved to do so by my innermost heart. At this moment, it's what I'm here to do. And so I do my best to let that innermost heart get a word in, through all the posturings and ramblings of my limited ego self.

I had a deep discussion with a friend yesterday about the economic crisis. Our views turned out to be pretty similar, although we had enough differences of opinion to make the conversation lively and interesting. His understanding at this time doesn't incorporate what could be called “conspiracy theory,” in that he doesn't see our debt-based monetary system as being inherently flawed to begin with, whereas I do. But all such conclusions are only tentative, subject to change in the presence of new information that would challenge us to see more. I voiced my understanding, in such part as I felt appropriate, but didn't turn it into a debate. There wasn't enough of a common background of information to be able to get into (what I see as) the more hidden, engineered aspects of the situation. I wasn't there to persuade him of my view, but rather to just share thoughts and have a mutually agreeable and enriching moment of human contact.

Our other major topic of discussion was one on which I've never even formed much of an opinion: the potential for an existential threat to humanity arising from the birth of an artificial intelligence beyond our capacity to control. To me, that subject has been more in the realm of thought-provoking science fiction than any plausible, actual future. To him, it is perhaps the gravest problem we face, given, of course, that something else doesn't come along first and render the question moot. In essence, the solution would be to prepare for that scenario in advance by somehow ensuring that if and when such an uncontrollable intelligence is born, it will be of such a nature as to allow for the (humanly tolerable) long-term survival of our species.

I've taken in enough science fiction to have a basic idea of the range of imagined future scenarios concerning humans vs. AI. Peaceful coexistence via hard-wired Laws for robots and a general ethical treatment towards them on the part of humans, as envisioned by Asimov, seems to me perhaps a little premature and idealistic, given the sad state of the human psyche and the unpredictability of self-directed evolution. Based on our historical record, the vision of the Terminator films would seem more realistic. But both of these scenarios presuppose the development of AI continuing forward from the present day without interruption. So the more immediate hurdles, I would say, are the existential threat posed by unenlightened mankind to itself, and the very real possibility of cataclysmic Earth changes, abundantly prognosticated by modern science and prophesied by ancient traditions passed down from the survivors of the last global extinction-level event.

I'm a big fan of the Matrix films. They depict a human race struggling for freedom from the dominance of machine intelligence in a war that is not only physical, but essentially psychological and spiritual. To me, the Matrix story is less a probable future scenario than it is an allegorical tale about where we are now. The machines are an externalized manifestation of the egoic mind, which can never know God but is preoccupied with material things. This machine intelligence creates a virtual reality, a literal prison for humanity, in which the vast majority live out their lives unaware. As an enslaved human begins to awaken, this matrix reality appears increasingly “wrong,” and they question just how real it all is, what greater truth might lie beyond these appearances.

In the real world (grin), awakening is a multi-layered process. The exact route by which it happens is, of course, unique to each person. For many, the first layer is the manufactured and distorted version of reality portrayed by television and other forms of mass media. Entertainment on this lowest end of the spectrum is typically hypnotic, banal, debased, and void of higher meaning. At some point, it becomes clear that, at its root, this is all intentionally so. It's not just because these corporations cater to the lowest common denominator to make more money. Facts and questions that go outside a particular box are actively marginalized and suppressed.

As I write, right now, the time is 9:11 PM. I suppose I'll take that as a hint. (grin)

My friend is as yet unconvinced that the events of 9-11-2001 were brought about and/or facilitated by elements within the U.S. government and U.S. intelligence (although he doesn't deny the possibility). From the perspective of one who became convinced several years ago, I would say that that position stems mainly from a lack of awareness of the vast body of credible evidence, an unwillingness to believe that such evil could lurk so strongly in such high positions of power, or both. Of course, there is also the fear of being pejoratively labeled a “conspiracy nut,” but for anyone determined to find the truth, wherever the evidence may lead, that should be of no concern. Rest assured: despite what the corporate media would have us believe, being on the side of “9-11 truth” does not translate into being an extremist or a crazy person. I shouldn't have to say that, but there it is. The real problem, of course, is that once you accept a “Truther” version of 9-11, it opens up a Pandora's box of other shit. Shit that a lot of people just don't want to touch, no matter what. They would rather not know, because knowing would mean an end to the dream with which they are so comfortable, a dream into which certain harsh big-picture realities simply do not fit.

As always, the wisest position is the only one of which there can be certainty: “I don't know.” Everything we think we know is based on perception, and our perception is, by its nature, limited. Despite what I've said here about awakening, I don't consider myself to be awake at all. I am still dreaming, just like everyone else here, although less deeply than some. All that means is that I'm standing in a different place, somewhere between the crowded center and the rarefied outermost fringes of our collective reality. I like it here. I'm in good company. But it would be terribly boring if everybody were in the same place. Regardless of where we are in relation to each other, we can interact and become the richer for it. We're all teachers, and we're all students.

Anyway, that's all incidental to the real truth, which is... we're not separate. It only seems like we are, because that's the only way we can do what we're here to do, and that's... to learn about love. To really learn, we had to step into an illusion where love is not absolute and unconditional, where we suffer and die and long for what we seemingly lost when the universe began. Our journey here is not in vain. It is part of a Great Work in progress. By our choices, we can either prolong or hasten that Great Work in ourselves. We cling to our illusions as long as we can, but little by little they fall away. Our vision expands and brightens. We experience love in all its forms, including all the manifestations of its absence and distortion. And at the end, we are all reunited with the essence from which we came and which attracts all things back unto itself for the glorious, unimaginably grand after-party of all Time.

But to answer the question... hell, I don't know. You're asking me???

I was recently prompted to watch Donnie Darko. It's one of those rare films that carry so much beneath the surface, daring the viewer to cast aside assumptions, observe, and dig in to see what's really there. A shallow or distorted reading of the film might even yield a negative message, but for the pure of heart and clear of mind, it's a profound, piercing, and potent work of art.


One of the threads in the plot explores the cult phenomenon. The classic elements are all there: a charismatic leader with a cleverly-crafted message, drawing in susceptible followers with his hypnotic spiel delivered on stage and through pricey videos and books. For me, it was interesting to note how the con was built from a seed of genuine truth – the dichotomy of Love and Fear – and subsequently inflated into hollow drivel with only the appearance of truth to the easily deceived. Even when the cult leader is fully exposed as a criminal deviant, the true believer refuses to accept reality, choosing to blame the scandal on a conspiracy to take down what she sees as a demigod-like messenger of salvation, “a wonderful man.”

A hallmark of those who are in the business of selling lies is that they cannot tolerate honest criticism. They will use every method at their disposal to deflect it and defuse the sparks of doubt. Open debate is not an option for them, because they know how deadly the truth is against deception on a level playing field. They will distort and reframe anything that threatens the lie in their own terms to try to preserve the illusion. They will use veiled psychological threats to keep their followers in line. Anyone who questions their dogma is “blinded,” “deluded,” “lost,” “confused,” “an agent of the enemy,” or some other handy descriptor. When undeniable facts come out, they will go into damage control mode to keep the core of the lie intact. But probably the cult leader's greatest weapon is the process of indoctrination that renders followers simply unable to break out of their programmed thinking. The herd instinct, carefully cultivated and stimulated, does the rest.

Of course there are positive aspects to being in a cult or cult-like community, from the member's point of view. Why else would they stay? Inside, they find purpose, direction, meaning. They are constantly reassured of the rightness and goodness of their belief system, and they can rejoice in having found the true way, the cure for their afflictions. The closeness and caring of the community, the pleasure of being in a group of like-minded people, the genuine friendships that form, the shared experiences. These are all powerful, positive things in a person's life, and there is certainly nothing wrong with having or wanting them. Moreover, the doctrine or “the way” itself may have very positive, even life-saving effects.

The troubles, however, are always present in some degree. For a naturally free-thinking individual, the ideology and the group-think can be restrictive to the point of annoyance and/or suppression of the inner self. The division between the membership and the outside world can take on pathological characteristics. The disconnect between programmed thought and reality can result in a variety of psychological maladies or other unfortunate side effects (for instance due to misapplication of an incomplete or faulty conceptual framework). Worst of all, the ones in leadership who knowingly promulgate the lie are invariably guilty of some combination of fraud, exploitation, and corruption, and, more often than not, are sexual predators to boot. There's no way to sugar-coat this awful reality. They are wolves in sheep's clothing and they have no conscience whatsoever, nor any regard for the human consequences of their actions.

It will be apparent to some that these thoughts, while intended as generalities, may also be read in the context of my former religious affiliation. However, it's not my intent to maliciously attack anything or anyone. My only motives are compassion and the desire for truth. I fervently pray that those with strength of spirit and eyes to see will be there to support their brethren and keep the light of truth. If nothing else, I would exhort such a one to seek and serve only the Divine, with all the integrity, honesty, patience, and love you can muster. Your Lord has given you something absolute, perfect, and real: his own Spirit, to dwell in your innermost heart. That Spirit speaks directly to you. When you open yourself, truly listen, and hear that still, small voice, you will KNOW it. Let there be no higher authority in your life than that awesome, living presence within. Let no words of man or thoughts of ego prevail against it.

Jesus gave one commandment: love God, and love your neighbour as yourself. When you come to see the divine essence in all things, and live authentically in the Spirit of God, there is no need for commandments at all. Laws and punishments are for those darkened souls who lack or choose to ignore this inner guidance.

I had a dream today in which a simple and powerful key was revealed to me. This key was like flipping a switch inside oneself, and it led one effortlessly to inner peace and understanding and a more divine way of being. I fumbled around for that key after waking up – I remembered what it did, but I'd forgotten what it was. I do believe I later recalled it, in part, on a contemplative walk through the park. It was related to what I said in the beginning about watching Donnie Darko: the act of pure observation of what is, unburdened by one's own, pre-existing ideas. Allowing, not forcing. “This is what it is, not what I think it is or what it should be according to my beliefs.” This shift in consciousness brings about a sense of wonder, and opens one to the flow of authentic impressions that, over time, leads only toward truth – and the dawning delight of discovery.