Limits of an Infinite Self

Hello again. I've just returned from a couple days' quiet time and fasting. I finished up with a visit from my friends Amanita Muscaria and Cannabis Sativa. This came about in a spontaneous sort of way, starting with watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (one of the better comedies out there) and gorging on homemade chili to the point where I really couldn't eat any more, and felt very OK with not eating for a while. I also turned off and put away all electronics for the duration, including the cell phone, and busied myself with cleaning my apartment from top to bottom.

I'd found that smoking the herb in more recent times has put me in a highly sensitive state, where the slightest fear, insecurity, lack of trust, resistance, or negative thought pattern can turn a rising flight into a nosedive. It takes a clear mind and a light heart to reach the heights. Fortunately, I've found fly agaric is good for dumping doubts and fears and perceiving things more timelessly, freed somewhat from ordinary constraints placed upon reality by the ego.

The sensitivity brought on by the herb means that, since I can't avoid the encounters with darkness, I must have something on which to rely, to overcome the pull of the dark. I've tried trees and people, but they can only do so much. There's really nothing external that can do it in the end. And so I fixed my mind, focused it upon the all-pervading, all-encompassing truth that is Love.



I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu...



I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM.



In the name of Love, I am Love.

In the name of Love, I command that Love is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that joy is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that understanding is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that a golden age is coming to Earth.

In the name of Love, I command that this dark age is passing away.

In the name of Love, I command that every soul is achieving its desire.

In the name of Love, I am Love.



Relying upon this vibration of Love, the total acceptance of what is, and aligning my attraction toward the ever-climbing spiral of knowing and being, I was able to come through this experience/experiment/test with no disappointments and no regrets. It was a well-taken step on the road of the Sun.


P.S. Many thanks to Les Visible for his inspiring piece Higher Love and the Mastery of the World. It was the perfect kick-start for my trip!

I'm not a fan of the vampire genre. It's one of those things that exists to show us something behind the scenes of mundane reality, as metaphor. Watching movies and TV shows that revel in the thirst for blood probably won't be healthy for a person's consciousness over time, since we do tend to become like that with which we occupy our minds. Entrainment.

A friend noted, when this topic came up yesterday, that there seems to be a heavily sexual connotation with vampirism. I agree, and it goes beyond just Hollywood's artificial glaze of oversexed glamour. Blood is synonymous with the life-force, and sex is the power to create new life. The sexual force is the most intoxicating, intense form of the vital force. It is, I dare say, its very source. That same energy flows in our blood as long as we live, feeding us, and to those who have developed a taste for it, it is delicious beyond compare.

A true vampire is one who survives by stealing the energy of others. A vampiric personality is one that feeds upon the emotional energetic investment (attention, adulation, anger, fear, devotion) of others, in order to fuel itself. Why? Because the being has lost (or forgotten) its own inner connection to the Source of life. Its inner Sun has gone dark, becoming a black hole instead of a fountain of light.

The lesson of the vampire genre, for me, has been, “don't go there, don't be that, don't play that game, ever, if you can see it.” We all have the potential for vampiric behaviour. What it is, is a natural process unbalanced to the point of being turned upside down. Souls in their natural state act in reciprocity: joyfully giving, gladly receiving. When fear and insecurity enter the picture, this process goes into disharmony. And at the extreme end are rape and pillage, slaughter and slavery, with the predators taking what they can by force and deception, and the prey being totally subjugated. This is an image of Hell. And as we know, it has been with us on this planet for so long that some of us don't even question it, let alone challenge it. This resignation to “the way things are” is basically a personal vote for more of the same, that, I suspect, universe will oblige. Unless, of course, there is something radically different about these times that I'm not aware of. The divine is all-powerful... but it acts through individual souls... and the Earth is a planetary soul....



Steal not the energies of thy neighbour, but help her to free her inner Sun from its bonds, and strive to do the same for thyself, that you may both be happy and live forever.

Everyone has their own idea of what's going on, where we are, how we got here, what we face in the future. There's a thread of apocalypticism that seems to crop up everywhere. That thread, especially as woven in the mass media, is often heavily tinged with fear and fantasy, based on vague or shallow understanding. It becomes easy to either dismiss such thoughtforms altogether and continue to imagine that everything will keep going on pretty much as it has been, or else to get all caught up in the smoke-and-mirrors funhouse version of Circus Apocalypticus. The Tunnel of Doom can be a compelling ride, and there's no end of terrifying and disturbing sights and sounds to keep that dark thrill of fear and despair churning inside. That's to be expected. We are, after all, in a realm of appearances. We each see our own subconscious shadows playing out on the screen, along with the beauty of our divine nature, in whatever measure is appropriate to our individual need and choice, moment by moment.

Objectively, nothing I say here matters a whit. Nor does it matter what I believe nor what anyone else believes. Nevertheless, here inside the fractal symphony of subjective experience, under the prime illusion of separation, each part has its own specific role to play. Regarding the need for self-expression, I recall these words from a song I learned in elementary school, the Rainbow Song:

Listen with your eyes
listen with your eyes
and sing everything you see.

I write, not because I believe it will make any difference, but because I am compelled and moved to do so by my innermost heart. At this moment, it's what I'm here to do. And so I do my best to let that innermost heart get a word in, through all the posturings and ramblings of my limited ego self.

I had a deep discussion with a friend yesterday about the economic crisis. Our views turned out to be pretty similar, although we had enough differences of opinion to make the conversation lively and interesting. His understanding at this time doesn't incorporate what could be called “conspiracy theory,” in that he doesn't see our debt-based monetary system as being inherently flawed to begin with, whereas I do. But all such conclusions are only tentative, subject to change in the presence of new information that would challenge us to see more. I voiced my understanding, in such part as I felt appropriate, but didn't turn it into a debate. There wasn't enough of a common background of information to be able to get into (what I see as) the more hidden, engineered aspects of the situation. I wasn't there to persuade him of my view, but rather to just share thoughts and have a mutually agreeable and enriching moment of human contact.

Our other major topic of discussion was one on which I've never even formed much of an opinion: the potential for an existential threat to humanity arising from the birth of an artificial intelligence beyond our capacity to control. To me, that subject has been more in the realm of thought-provoking science fiction than any plausible, actual future. To him, it is perhaps the gravest problem we face, given, of course, that something else doesn't come along first and render the question moot. In essence, the solution would be to prepare for that scenario in advance by somehow ensuring that if and when such an uncontrollable intelligence is born, it will be of such a nature as to allow for the (humanly tolerable) long-term survival of our species.

I've taken in enough science fiction to have a basic idea of the range of imagined future scenarios concerning humans vs. AI. Peaceful coexistence via hard-wired Laws for robots and a general ethical treatment towards them on the part of humans, as envisioned by Asimov, seems to me perhaps a little premature and idealistic, given the sad state of the human psyche and the unpredictability of self-directed evolution. Based on our historical record, the vision of the Terminator films would seem more realistic. But both of these scenarios presuppose the development of AI continuing forward from the present day without interruption. So the more immediate hurdles, I would say, are the existential threat posed by unenlightened mankind to itself, and the very real possibility of cataclysmic Earth changes, abundantly prognosticated by modern science and prophesied by ancient traditions passed down from the survivors of the last global extinction-level event.

I'm a big fan of the Matrix films. They depict a human race struggling for freedom from the dominance of machine intelligence in a war that is not only physical, but essentially psychological and spiritual. To me, the Matrix story is less a probable future scenario than it is an allegorical tale about where we are now. The machines are an externalized manifestation of the egoic mind, which can never know God but is preoccupied with material things. This machine intelligence creates a virtual reality, a literal prison for humanity, in which the vast majority live out their lives unaware. As an enslaved human begins to awaken, this matrix reality appears increasingly “wrong,” and they question just how real it all is, what greater truth might lie beyond these appearances.

In the real world (grin), awakening is a multi-layered process. The exact route by which it happens is, of course, unique to each person. For many, the first layer is the manufactured and distorted version of reality portrayed by television and other forms of mass media. Entertainment on this lowest end of the spectrum is typically hypnotic, banal, debased, and void of higher meaning. At some point, it becomes clear that, at its root, this is all intentionally so. It's not just because these corporations cater to the lowest common denominator to make more money. Facts and questions that go outside a particular box are actively marginalized and suppressed.

As I write, right now, the time is 9:11 PM. I suppose I'll take that as a hint. (grin)

My friend is as yet unconvinced that the events of 9-11-2001 were brought about and/or facilitated by elements within the U.S. government and U.S. intelligence (although he doesn't deny the possibility). From the perspective of one who became convinced several years ago, I would say that that position stems mainly from a lack of awareness of the vast body of credible evidence, an unwillingness to believe that such evil could lurk so strongly in such high positions of power, or both. Of course, there is also the fear of being pejoratively labeled a “conspiracy nut,” but for anyone determined to find the truth, wherever the evidence may lead, that should be of no concern. Rest assured: despite what the corporate media would have us believe, being on the side of “9-11 truth” does not translate into being an extremist or a crazy person. I shouldn't have to say that, but there it is. The real problem, of course, is that once you accept a “Truther” version of 9-11, it opens up a Pandora's box of other shit. Shit that a lot of people just don't want to touch, no matter what. They would rather not know, because knowing would mean an end to the dream with which they are so comfortable, a dream into which certain harsh big-picture realities simply do not fit.

As always, the wisest position is the only one of which there can be certainty: “I don't know.” Everything we think we know is based on perception, and our perception is, by its nature, limited. Despite what I've said here about awakening, I don't consider myself to be awake at all. I am still dreaming, just like everyone else here, although less deeply than some. All that means is that I'm standing in a different place, somewhere between the crowded center and the rarefied outermost fringes of our collective reality. I like it here. I'm in good company. But it would be terribly boring if everybody were in the same place. Regardless of where we are in relation to each other, we can interact and become the richer for it. We're all teachers, and we're all students.

Anyway, that's all incidental to the real truth, which is... we're not separate. It only seems like we are, because that's the only way we can do what we're here to do, and that's... to learn about love. To really learn, we had to step into an illusion where love is not absolute and unconditional, where we suffer and die and long for what we seemingly lost when the universe began. Our journey here is not in vain. It is part of a Great Work in progress. By our choices, we can either prolong or hasten that Great Work in ourselves. We cling to our illusions as long as we can, but little by little they fall away. Our vision expands and brightens. We experience love in all its forms, including all the manifestations of its absence and distortion. And at the end, we are all reunited with the essence from which we came and which attracts all things back unto itself for the glorious, unimaginably grand after-party of all Time.

But to answer the question... hell, I don't know. You're asking me???

I was recently prompted to watch Donnie Darko. It's one of those rare films that carry so much beneath the surface, daring the viewer to cast aside assumptions, observe, and dig in to see what's really there. A shallow or distorted reading of the film might even yield a negative message, but for the pure of heart and clear of mind, it's a profound, piercing, and potent work of art.


One of the threads in the plot explores the cult phenomenon. The classic elements are all there: a charismatic leader with a cleverly-crafted message, drawing in susceptible followers with his hypnotic spiel delivered on stage and through pricey videos and books. For me, it was interesting to note how the con was built from a seed of genuine truth – the dichotomy of Love and Fear – and subsequently inflated into hollow drivel with only the appearance of truth to the easily deceived. Even when the cult leader is fully exposed as a criminal deviant, the true believer refuses to accept reality, choosing to blame the scandal on a conspiracy to take down what she sees as a demigod-like messenger of salvation, “a wonderful man.”

A hallmark of those who are in the business of selling lies is that they cannot tolerate honest criticism. They will use every method at their disposal to deflect it and defuse the sparks of doubt. Open debate is not an option for them, because they know how deadly the truth is against deception on a level playing field. They will distort and reframe anything that threatens the lie in their own terms to try to preserve the illusion. They will use veiled psychological threats to keep their followers in line. Anyone who questions their dogma is “blinded,” “deluded,” “lost,” “confused,” “an agent of the enemy,” or some other handy descriptor. When undeniable facts come out, they will go into damage control mode to keep the core of the lie intact. But probably the cult leader's greatest weapon is the process of indoctrination that renders followers simply unable to break out of their programmed thinking. The herd instinct, carefully cultivated and stimulated, does the rest.

Of course there are positive aspects to being in a cult or cult-like community, from the member's point of view. Why else would they stay? Inside, they find purpose, direction, meaning. They are constantly reassured of the rightness and goodness of their belief system, and they can rejoice in having found the true way, the cure for their afflictions. The closeness and caring of the community, the pleasure of being in a group of like-minded people, the genuine friendships that form, the shared experiences. These are all powerful, positive things in a person's life, and there is certainly nothing wrong with having or wanting them. Moreover, the doctrine or “the way” itself may have very positive, even life-saving effects.

The troubles, however, are always present in some degree. For a naturally free-thinking individual, the ideology and the group-think can be restrictive to the point of annoyance and/or suppression of the inner self. The division between the membership and the outside world can take on pathological characteristics. The disconnect between programmed thought and reality can result in a variety of psychological maladies or other unfortunate side effects (for instance due to misapplication of an incomplete or faulty conceptual framework). Worst of all, the ones in leadership who knowingly promulgate the lie are invariably guilty of some combination of fraud, exploitation, and corruption, and, more often than not, are sexual predators to boot. There's no way to sugar-coat this awful reality. They are wolves in sheep's clothing and they have no conscience whatsoever, nor any regard for the human consequences of their actions.

It will be apparent to some that these thoughts, while intended as generalities, may also be read in the context of my former religious affiliation. However, it's not my intent to maliciously attack anything or anyone. My only motives are compassion and the desire for truth. I fervently pray that those with strength of spirit and eyes to see will be there to support their brethren and keep the light of truth. If nothing else, I would exhort such a one to seek and serve only the Divine, with all the integrity, honesty, patience, and love you can muster. Your Lord has given you something absolute, perfect, and real: his own Spirit, to dwell in your innermost heart. That Spirit speaks directly to you. When you open yourself, truly listen, and hear that still, small voice, you will KNOW it. Let there be no higher authority in your life than that awesome, living presence within. Let no words of man or thoughts of ego prevail against it.

Jesus gave one commandment: love God, and love your neighbour as yourself. When you come to see the divine essence in all things, and live authentically in the Spirit of God, there is no need for commandments at all. Laws and punishments are for those darkened souls who lack or choose to ignore this inner guidance.

I had a dream today in which a simple and powerful key was revealed to me. This key was like flipping a switch inside oneself, and it led one effortlessly to inner peace and understanding and a more divine way of being. I fumbled around for that key after waking up – I remembered what it did, but I'd forgotten what it was. I do believe I later recalled it, in part, on a contemplative walk through the park. It was related to what I said in the beginning about watching Donnie Darko: the act of pure observation of what is, unburdened by one's own, pre-existing ideas. Allowing, not forcing. “This is what it is, not what I think it is or what it should be according to my beliefs.” This shift in consciousness brings about a sense of wonder, and opens one to the flow of authentic impressions that, over time, leads only toward truth – and the dawning delight of discovery.

Observe what is. Let the chatter and the motion go on as it will. Don't force the stillness. It's there, behind the noise. Like a screen, it shows the movie, and may appear to be the movie if you forget yourself, become hypnotized by the moving picture, the appearance of reality. But if you focus on the screen itself, you may begin to feel the impression of looking into a mirror. Two eyes looking out at two eyes looking back in. Who is this presence? It is yourself. It is pure awareness. It is the only eternal thing; all else is projection, flickering by, frame by infinitesimal frame, each seemingly created and destroyed in turn, yet so fast as to appear continuous. This is the flow of time, which doesn't really flow, because it doesn't really exist, except as a subjective, illusory experience. A dream. Because, after all, what else is there for an infinite, singular awareness to do?

Spirit and matter. Creator and created. We are the confluence of both. Through countless aeons of time, matter organizes itself according to the patterns suggested by Spirit, imprinted upon the aether as spiraling forms of purest, subtlest energy. On the molecular level, a miraculous thing occurs: the omnipresent Spirit retreats almost entirely from view. Matter seems ruled by raw mechanics, blind forces, a chaoarchy of chance and determinism. But the first simple forms of life evolve spontaneously, ubiquitously, wherever a suitable mix of ingredients is present and the conditions allow for it. And so begins the wondrous progression of complexity, from cell to multicell, until entire planets are covered with richly woven tapestries of life, ecosystems interwebbed in a gloriously dynamic order. The underlying patterns of energy inspire an endless variety of forms, periodically transforming as the frequency turns up in quantum shifts that emanate from the hot galactic centers.

We are the next step. The group souls of the animal kingdom, defined at the level of species, begin to differentiate into individual souls, capable of self-reflection. A humanoid form arises. Now begins the most challenging phase, as consciousness bridges the gap from instinctive animal behaviour through to peaceful, space-faring culture. There are other options, too, for those so inclined: realms above and below this plane, reachable after many lifetimes of work at those times when the veil dividing them is briefly parted. It is here, however, that we are able to experience the forces of both heaven and hell in equal measure, according to our choice. In this crucible is forged, from the base material of primitive man, a purer being.




Spirit awakens from its dormancy and becomes a living spark. That flame of the heart, the most noble part of man, guides, enlightens, and sanctifies his being. It will teach him of courage, and beauty, and love, with endless patience so long as it still burns. If he will heed its tutelage, the way will be opened before him and he will walk through the shadows in its flickering light.

Monsters and shades of monsters will threaten. The worst of them will come from within. But no matter how fearsome they may be, they will never be able to destroy the one who guards that precious light in her bosom, though they kill the flesh and feed on the very soul. Many battles will be lost ere the first is won, yet in time the victories will come more easily – or would, but for the ancient law of the worthy adversary and the burden equal to one's strength. All is arranged with a distinct purpose ordained by Spirit, all for the incremental progress of the soul on its chosen path of experience.

And so we come to the crisis point, a time of epic potential. Evils are unleashed that were previously unimaginable. For it is only under the uttermost existential threat that the portion of Spirit that sleeps the deepest may be persuaded to rise up and be counted. But when it does, when the awakening in its fullness at last unfolds, there is no limit to what is possible. From there we go on to a new phase and a new dawn, in which a global humanity, now reunited with its brothers and sisters from afar, begins its incredible journey into the great expansive frontier of the stars.

This is a good game. It's called "The Truth."
- Dimitri Moisevich in 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)



The search for truth is a game.

I don't think one could have made that statement so straightforwardly even a generation ago. Back in the seventies and eighties, it seems to me, before the world was hooked up to this thing called Internet, truth-seeking would have been an activity that pretty much had to be taken seriously. The truth-seekers of that time would have mostly been out there doing original, painstaking research in the real world. Most of them would have operated in near-isolation from one another, compared to the effortlessness of network-building and collaboration today. Getting one's work published was another hurdle. The readership would have been a very small, very marginal group, scattered, so to speak, on the intellectual fringes of society.

Forgive me if my imaginings reflect poorly the reality of that time; I wasn't there myself. What I can say from experience is that in this present time, information is so readily available to anyone with even a casual interest that the whole concept of “truth-seeking” has exploded far beyond the limits of yesterday. It doesn't have to be an all-consuming path of dedication to a particular field of inquiry, nor is it necessarily the hard-core consumption of fringe lore from stacks of rare books. Beyond these primary and secondary levels, a previously-minimal third level has opened up: the level of the casual truth-seeker. The net-surfing approach is now the arena of choice for many, including those who would not even describe what they are doing as “seeking truth.” What curious mind, in this online environment, has not come across the major memes of conspiracy fact, theory, disinfo, and delusion? These thought-viruses have replicated through the memestream, cross-breeding, mutating (and being engineered, too) along the way, until the entirety has become just another fact of life, a whole genre of mind-games available to the people alongside their other everyday pursuits. This is not to unduly trivialize any of it; it's just an observation.

Obviously, truth-seeking in general is much broader than just the areas most actively sequestered (and infiltrated) by the powers-that-be, such as parapolitics, black-project shenanigans, and the powers-behind-the-powers-that-be. Anyone who engages in this game for any length of time soon discovers how interrelated it all is across the entire scope of human life. It becomes apparent that the so-called “mainstream” consensus reality is really just a system of externally-imposed programs that are held together, perpetuated, and fed into by those who believe in them: a Matrix control system. It may not be as immediately apparent, however, just how vulnerable that system is.

The system is predicated on belief, but its greatest power lies in fear. Many people may not really believe in all of it, especially now since the lies are becoming more transparent with every passing day, but still go along with most of it. Take voting, for example. Most of us know (or at least strongly suspect) by now, from experience, that voting in elections doesn't really matter a whole lot. We know most politicians are pathological liars and opportunists. We've seen administration after administration come in with honeyed words and the hopes of a nation, only to go out with disgrace and broken promises. And always, no matter what parties are in power, the economy ends up worse than before, wars continue, civil liberties are eroded, and corporate interests trump the interests of the people. HELLO? Anyone see a pattern? This isn't working! And still we go to the polls on election day and feel a vague sense of satisfaction, as though we've done our duty as citizens of a proud democracy. What? We know that's not true. It's just rhetoric and bullshit to keep things running the way they have been. But the alternative would be to admit to ourselves that we are more than just voters, or consumers, or (let's just use the word) slaves, aka “hard-working taxpayers.” We are unique, sovereign human beings with the innate freedom to create whatever reality we collectively and individually choose. We fear that kind of freedom. The system wants us to fear it, to deny its existence, to willingly give it up in favour of a ready-made machine world with a ready-made place for us as replaceable little parts in a big machine. And lest we forget our place, we are constantly shown what happens to those who have no place, who were born to the wrong parents, who didn't work hard enough, who defied the system. We're taught to fear poverty and crime and terrorism. Fear the cops. Fear the conservative agenda. Fear the liberal agenda. Fear the Illuminati agenda. Fear the apocalypse. Fear for your own survival in a world that's hostile and demanding but that might just give you a few creature comforts to fill your inner void if you only play by the rules. And if all else fails, just tune into an endless stream of mind-numbing distraction. Yessir, it's great to be alive in this postmodern dystopian nightmare. Or....

... Is there something else? A truth that's more than just a virtual-reality game? Something real and intimate that might just be the key to the kingdom of heaven on earth?

If there is such a thing, isn't it worth seeking? I believe it is.

And maybe when we're done seeking, we'll realize that it was something we had all along.



I am another you
And you are another me.
Thank you, just for being you
And being a mirror for me.

I suppose I'll start by describing a dream I had last night. In point of fact, I did not dream it at night, because I actually slept from morning to evening, after staying up watching the SF anime classic Akira and the comedy classic Monty Python's The Meaning of Life on DVD, which may serve to provide a bit of context.

Essentially, the dream was about me being cajoled, enticed, tempted, and drawn into a state of total powerlessness. The process began in earnest when I found myself hypnotized by the soft, flickering bluish glow of a little LCD monitor that was showing a movie of some kind. That was the tipping point, when I slid into apathy toward the “real world” around me. Soon, through my lack of effective resistance to the reassuring but treacherous hypnotic suggestions of “agents” around me, I found myself lying on a sort of hospital bed that was more like an operating table in actual function. The sexy “nurses” projected the impression that they were there to help me, that they had only my best interest at heart, and that the best thing I could do was relax and let them do their job. By the time I realized that their true intentions were less than benevolent, it was too late. My muscles would no longer respond, due to some drug they'd injected in me. They began their work by taking samples, violating my body with their needles in a way that was simply humiliating. Mercifully, I lost consciousness. My last, dimly felt emotions before slipping away completely were outrage and resentment.

Oddly enough, those emotions came back to haunt me when I woke up and read my mail. Through simple incompetence more than any plausible ill will, the tax bureau is still operating as though I were an entrepreneur making a modest living off of my business, which has been officially defunct since September and only ever really existed on paper to begin with. In reality, I don't owe them a dime, but they still sent me invoices for hundreds of euros that I'm supposedly due to pay this year. Realistically, it's only a matter of a visit or two to the local tax office to clear it up, but the infuriating emotional impact of the letter came regardless of that fact. It doesn't help things that I'm already caught up in a more advanced stage of a similar, less easily resolved game with an evil, bloodsucking little company that managed to “sell” me a worthless, yet ridiculously expensive Google advertising package on the phone last summer before I even knew what the hell was up. The wheels of legal action in that case are already turning, and I really don't think there's anything I can do. I'm not equipped to defend myself against that sort of thing, and I suspect the law may well be on their side. So I suppose I'll see where that goes. I'd really like to see them just choke on their own vomit. It's not like they'll ever see the money. I'm more likely to receive a prison sentence, haha.

So the darkness is closing in, even as the days get longer up here in the north. The web of the matrix tightens. I made mention earlier of some plans I've been cooking up. I feel obligated on some level to make a disclosure, but I think it's too early to go into detail just yet. I have made my intentions known to some, though, and if the surveillance/intelligence complex is doing its job, then the data is already in its files. (conspiratorial wink)

I will say that by the time summer is in bloom, I intend to be off the grid and hopefully off the radar of officialdom. Worldly security and status hold very little allure for me, now less than ever. I do find myself caught, though, between the impulse to continue creating and displaying my whimsical little works of material configurations, and the impulse to drop everything, let go of my material attachments, and withdraw from the mainstream entirely. I do believe there is a middle road encompassing both, if I can only traverse it. I just need to figure out exactly how. I've got some ideas. Time will reveal the right course of action. I have already consulted the runes and the pendulum regarding the basic nature of what I'm set to go through, and I will probably make use of them and other modes of communication with higher self in the near future.

The dog poet is on something of a hiatus and that (or whatever invisible causes are behind that) is affecting my mood as well. His latest audio broadcast was, however, very comforting and very touching. He read some lovely poetry in there. I would recommend it to anyone.

Overwhelmingly, in my more conscious hours (there are times of relative oblivion too), my heart is crying out to the higher power that governs all things with ultimate perfection.

Help me to see. I want to see. Please show me more.

Lord, grant me strength.

How much longer will You allow evil to rampage unchecked in the world? How much longer? Until 2012? 2050? If it were up to me, Lord, I would start turning things around right now. I suppose you are too wise and perfect to think as I do. Evil will destroy itself eventually, though, won't it? When it has run its course, served its purpose in the dreaming of Your children.

Lord, take away from me that which is holding me back. Help me to subdue my petulant and demanding ego. No, not subdue: merely help it to see that it is not the one in charge, and that it has nothing to fear by releasing its desire to always be in control.

I know that I have a path to tread in this life. I chose it before I came here. However haltingly and imperfectly, I know that I am on it right now and have always been. Everything that comes into my life has a purpose. Help me to see it through the impartial eyes of divinity as the perfection that it is.

Thank You, Lord, for being with me. For guiding my every step, for protecting me, for comforting me. For testing me and trying me, though never more than I can bear. You provide for every need of my body and soul. Above all, You grant me freedom in every moment, to choose my own experience. I am Your child, and one day I will return to You and give you back all that I am, all that I have gained through all my millions and billions of years of existence.

Thank You.

It is Christmas Day and I am at my grandparents' home here in Kempele, Finland. I have so much to be thankful for; I have received so much. I feel very rich in the things that matter. In a world where so many go hungry, I have enough to eat; where so many live under the threat of violence, I enjoy peace; where so many are lost and confused and afraid, I am able to see far enough to know where I stand, and that there is nothing to fear. Even suffering and death hold no fear for me, for I know that all things, without exception, serve an ultimate purpose which is benevolent. To perceive that purpose ever more clearly, and to align myself with it ever more closely: these are my highest aspirations in this life.

I have truly felt the spirit of Christmas in these past days. It is a spirit that cherishes the people and animals that are near and dear to us. It is a generous spirit; it is a prayerful spirit; it is a joyful spirit; it is a peaceful spirit. For me, this has been a very special Christmas. I sense that the coming year will bring so many changes in the world that we will quite possibly look back on this as, in some ways, the last “normal” Christmas season ever. But what has made it extra special to me is that I have never before comprehended the meaning of Christmas as deeply I do now. Last year at this time I was relatively aloof, having extricated myself from the Christian religious paradigm only that past spring. I was then in a more agnostic frame of mind, caught up in chasing the shadow of truth outside myself. Now I am cultivating a true spiritual connection.

I see the Bible's stories of Jesus as what they are, stories; one can learn much truth from stories if one is only able to discern it. Literalistic interpretation is foolish and useless to me, especially in light of the distortions introduced by those who compiled the collection of writings and called it The One and Only Definitive Word of God. There is no such thing, certainly not in words that can be uttered by the lips or understood by the mind of man.

I cast a few glances at the TV screen today when it was showing the live feed from the Vatican. I paid little attention to what the figurehead was saying, except to chuckle at his mispronunciation of the Finnish Christmas greeting, but I noticed some other, very curious things. The pomp and circumstance, music and marching, all very ritualized. The ornate finery of the clothing worn. The incredibly expensive-looking old buildings. The soldiers, the Swiss guard. It was like a Broadway spectacle, a display of materialistic power. The camera's emphasis (from what I saw) on the soldiers and guards was especially noteworthy: it made me wonder what, exactly, they are protecting. What lies in the vaults of the Vatican? It's not the Pope's life they're really protecting – or, if it is, then they certainly aren't capable of it. I quite enjoyed the symbolism of the random lady knocking him over when I saw it on the news later. No one is "too big to fall!" And many will, I suspect; many in high places are in precarious positions of their own making. Whatever they get, they will have deserved it. Berlusconi, and Bush before him, getting publicly humiliated in a physical way, these incidents are setting a tone. They are not random, they are signs of the times.

Another sign, I think, is the latest Hollywood budget-buster megamovie. Even the title of it is highly significant. The Avatar, whatever shape it may take, is coming. Has been coming. Has arrived, and needs only to awaken. I haven't watched the film yet, and I may or may not go to see it. Everyone seems to be recommending it. I just feel the ticket price is too high for my survival-level budget. The 3-D eye candy alone isn't enough to justify it for me. I care about substance more than style. (wink) But if it's as good as Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, I might rent the DVD sometime. Anyway, the story seems to be a positive one. It's a good counterbalance to the new “V” remake. I don't know anything about extraterrestrial races first-hand, but I favour the notion that the vast majority of them would rather help us than harm us. I'm as convinced as I can be that any overt “alien invasion” scenario that might ever manifest would turn out to be a false-flag operation. But I'm not expecting any such attack to even take place, much less to be successful at hoodwinking all of humanity. We're wising up to the game – those of us who are ever going to wise up, anyway.

I've spent some time lately catching up on a very active thread over at Project Avalon Forums. It's based on intuitively derived and unprovable information, so a grain of salt would be recommended there, but I found it highly interesting nonetheless. Something is indeed brewing, and as far as I'm concerned, it can't happen too soon. Disclosure of the ET presence is a done deal, one way or another, and it would appear to be coming sooner rather than later. The global elites, particularly the most negative ones, are running out of options as far as the economy is concerned. The plan to introduce a world currency based on the same old wealth-sucking, debt-based scheme is the stupidest idea ever. The Wall Street derivative and housing bubbles have mutated into the biggest black hole in history. The best thing we can do is to just return to our senses and realize that we've been caught in a nightmare. All that's needed is to wake up from the ridiculous idea that numbers in a computer necessarily have anything to do with real wealth. Real capital is all around us in abundance. It's raw materials from nature and it's human potential. Knowledge and the application of knowledge. It is also energy and the means to use it. There are two major limiting factors that I can see in our insane economy: the artificial scarcity of money (never mind that they're printing it as fast as they can – the value of what it'll buy is what counts), and the artificial scarcity of energy. Cheap, highly efficient technologies that would threaten the profits of the mostly oil-based energy companies have deliberately been kept out of use for probably a century. With disclosure of the ET presence will come the release of those technologies and a miraculous economic recovery. Did I say recovery? More like rebirth.

Just before I started this little piece, I caught wind of David Wilcock's latest writing, published just in time for Christmas. I haven't read it yet, but I will as soon as I've posted this. I also recommend Les Visible's blog entries for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In fact, I would recommend anything by those two. Not as Gospel Truth, but as more like Chicken Soup for the Awakening Soul. (grin)

The clock just crossed over to the 26th where I am, so I hope you had a good Christmas and wish you all an amazing New Year. We've got a blue moon happening right on New Year's Eve, which is quite fun considering it's a new decade as well. Be well, be at peace, and I'll see you on the other side.

UPDATE: As a follow-up to this blog, do take a look at psychegram's related post Get Ready... Here Come the New Patriots and the comment section there. His is a voice of greater experience than mine. For a more in-depth discussion on Alex Jones as possible COINTELPRO, I recommend the Signs of the Times article Celestial Esoteric Stuff and The Socio-Political Nitty Gritty. Thanks to psychegram for that link.



YouTube: Alex Jones in Waking Life

The above clip from Waking Life (2001) is hardly a balanced or complete look at Alex Jones, but it shows what he's about. While notorious for his bullhorn antics (and who could forget the Joker incident?), he is, I contend, far more than just another angry white man venting on the airwaves. He represents a large and growing current in America today: a clearer awareness of the realities of politics, economics, and the plight of the common man, which is spurring many to become active in standing up for their rights and liberties, holding their elected officials accountable, and reducing their dependence on the maybe-not-so-dependable-after-all grid.

Alex has been on the radio since the early '90s and has produced a number of virally successful documentary films. His Info Wars website is one of the most popular alternative news sites on the 'net. In the past, mainstream media outlets wouldn't have given him so much as a sarcastic mention, but oddly enough, he has now appeared more than once on FOX Television. This is less surprising when you factor in FOX's massive propaganda campaign against the new administration. They probably figured a popular critic of the powers-that-be like Alex would pull in views and boost their cause. Or they just wanted a face of the conspiracy fringe to snicker at. (I didn't watch those segments, so I don't know what went down.) In any case, the man's got balls. The FOX network is deep, deep enemy territory for him. He hasn't forgotten how different their tune was under Bush Jr. He knows their game: divide and conquer; good cop, bad cop; Eastasia, Westasia; Democrat, Republican. He doesn't play that, he exposes it for the fraud that it is.

But the question is, is Alex Jones himself controlled opposition, a COINTELPRO psy-op? In the often paranoia-fueled drama of the conspirasphere, any rising star is a target for accusations of “shill” and “Pied Piper.” While I suspect the majority of such attacks are simply ego hurt and fear bug making the rounds, the question should nevertheless be addressed seriously.

Alex Jones is often loud, often angry, sometimes even uncouth. Well, when you've got a message you believe in and you think is important for people to hear, you might want to be loud. Anger? Hell, I got angry when I first found about a lot of the things Alex talks about. They're outrageous and they need to be stopped. Anger is a powerful emotional energy that can and should be put to constructive uses. It is also negative, unhealthy in the long run, and should probably be avoided if possible. As for the occasional rudeness, there is no excuse for that – but then, I haven't seen him make any. At least he humbly apologized to David Icke for calling him a “turd in the punch bowl.” Any other rude remarks he's made that I'm aware of have been aimed at people who, quite frankly, deserve a lot worse than that. (Although I personally couldn't bear to see anyone burned at the stake, even a mass murderer.)

Getting past the man himself and his very human faults, there is the matter of his actual message. I'm of the opinion that his message is quite appropriate for his audience, which I would venture to say is made up of pretty average, everyday people. He's not “mainstream” perhaps quite yet, but is at least on the verge of becoming so. These are quite often people who are just becoming more aware, who have graduated from the Pablum world of CNNBCABCBSFOX, but who aren't necessarily into ufology, energy healing, the paranormal, divination, other occult subjects, or the deepest, darkest, most disturbing recesses of conspiracy research. A lot of them subscribe, at least nominally, to one of the major organized religions. Naturally, there are limits to how far out on the fringe he can go and still be relevant to a significant portion of the populace. The ones who are so inclined will go elsewhere to seek out the fruit that Alex doesn't offer. So I don't see a problem with the limited extent of his territory.

As for how he handles the territory he's got... hmmm. Let's take a look.

Alex Jones talks a lot about 9-11 truth. That's a key issue for people to understand. What he doesn't talk about so much is the Israeli component. From what I've read, the WTC attacks were essentially Mossad operations, aided and abetted by elements of American intel (CIA). Cheney and Bush were in on it, obviously, as was anyone within a certain circle of power and influence. Very cloak-and-dagger, all of it, compartmentalized in the extreme, as all these kinds of sensitive, major ops are. There are so many angles to it, and so much secrecy around that whole group of events, that no one person could ever unravel it all. Is Israel important? Sure it is. But thanks to AIPAC and all the rest of the Zionists embedded in the highest levels of Washington and the corporate media, you can't talk about it without being accused of anti-Semitism. (False label; Semites are the native peoples of the region, i.e. the Palestinians.) You can face serious consequences for that. Besides, it's rumoured that Alex Jones's wife is Jewish. So cut the guy some slack, eh? The main point is there, and it's well made: 9-11 was an inside job. (By the way, the thinly-veiled anti-Jewish sentiments on some of the sites linked by Rense, but not by Jones, make me sick.)

“Swine flu” and financial meltdown. Big topics. Scary topics. Alex gets credit for going after Big Pharma and their so-called “vaccine” (money grab for sure, likely also another Darwinian depopulation scheme), as well as the political aspect of this latest iteration of the problem-reaction-solution formula to impose ever greater control over the populace. His sites carry advertisements for immune supplements like vitamin D and colloidal silver products, which are, in my mind, a better alternative than any vaccine (although you do want be sure you're not getting ripped off, so always do your own research first). The economic crisis has also been front-and-center on Alex's broadcasts. He features guests like Congressman Dr. Ron Paul, who's making great strides in his campaign to audit the Fed, and G. Edward Griffin, currency expert and author of The Creature from Jekyll Island. Alex believes that the devaluation of the dollar is paving the way for a global currency as part of the elite's drive for a worldwide totalitarian state, which I would certainly see as being the intent of some of those people. I don't think they'll ever succeed. Alex's solution is for people to buy precious metals to protect their savings, and to prepare for a breakdown of the urban food supply. Both are prudent precautions to take, but are really based on a worst-case scenario where things do get that dire. Better safe than sorry, I guess. Personally, though, my sense is that I'm going through the worst of it right now, due more to my own stupidity than to the wider economic situation. I think both your health and your finances are, on a fundamental level, much more closely linked to your state of mind than to whatever's going on around you.

Which brings me to a point I want to make about Alex Jones. If you listen to his show, it will affect your mind. In the case of somebody just waking up from the old consumer dream of Santa Claus and no tomorrow, the show acts as a sort of remedial course in reality, a cold shower. For someone who's already “awake,” though, I think the undercurrent of fear and urgency is reason enough to mostly tune out. There comes a point when those states of mind become counterproductive. On the occasions that I tune in, it's mostly for the entertainment value, not so much for the (yes, important) information he brings to the table.

The man is sincere and passionate, he hasn't sold out to corporate interests, and I certainly don't think he's a conscious psy-op agent. There is the useful-idiot angle, whereby it could be argued that the elite allow him to expose them to a certain extent in order to lay the psychic groundwork for carrying out their plans, and to get people into the vibration of fear and negativity, so that they expect to be treated badly, continue to think in terms of “Us vs. Them,” and inflate their mental image of the world elite into something much more powerful than they actually are. That's the biggest danger, and it's just something to be aware of. We've got one Alex Jones already, and thank goodness he's doing the work that he does, but there's no reason to become a thought-clone of him. Not that he even encourages that; he's always telling his audience to check up on the facts for themselves, read the available documentation, convince themselves of the truth of what he's saying – or prove him wrong.

I used to think that if the world really was the way Alex Jones portrays it, we'd all be doomed. Now, I think even his reality tunnel has a tangible light at the end. This is a war, he says, and we've been getting our asses kicked for a long time, but as surely as day follows night, the tides are turning. He's not giving in, and neither should any of us. Let's have the COURAGE to DREAM of something A HUNDRED TIMES BETTER than what we've had, and the WILL to DO what it TAKES to MOVE ourselves and the planet from HERE... to THERE.

God bless.

David Wilcock has had an active Internet presence since the '90s, and his popularity has steadily risen. He started his public career doing dream readings, but stopped when the demand became too great to keep up with. He's best known for his research into consciousness science, based on the idea that consciousness is an omnipresent energy field that underlies all physical phenomena. In support of this and related hypotheses, he presents a considerable amount of persuasive evidence from experimental data that, all too often, has been glossed over, shrugged off, or swept under the rug by the mainstream scientific community. Eventually, I believe, the stuff he talks about will be commonly accepted in crotchety ol' academic circles as well. ;)

David's work is quite broad in scope. In addition to the research, the writing, and the lecturing, he has produced a double-length music album in collaboration with Larry Seyer called Wanderer Awakening. David did the drum section and all the vocals himself. I have listened to it many times, despite the fact that the music genre (varieties of '60s–'70s classic rock) was mostly rather foreign to my pre-existing tastes. The album has grown on me, however, and it always leaves me in a refreshed and uplifted state of mind and heart. If I have any criticism, it's that his lyrics are sometimes kinda literal and preachy, in a prosy style for the most part – but actually, now that I think about it, there's a lot of poetic bits too, more open to interpretation. Some might be put off by the fact that the narrator starts out as a cosmic creator-being who then descends to a human level, but I think the premise is executed well in an artistic sense and can be appreciated without necessarily buying into the philosophy. The closing words of the album resonate so deeply in my soul that it's almost scary. (grin) But seriously, it's all about releasing fear and the desire for control, embracing love and freedom instead. “Love is everything / Everything is Love.” How can you get any truer than that?

David's profile just keeps on rising these days. He's set to appear in a TV documentary about 2012, and he's producing a feature film called Convergence. I look forward to both.

The biggest criticism David attracts is aimed at his position on President Barack Obama. He's convinced that Obama is ultimately his own man, and will actually be an agent of the positive “change” he promised in his election campaign. This stands in sharp contrast to the apparent near-consensus in conspiraciology spheres, which paints Obama as a puppet of globalist masters, the international banksters and powerbrokers of Bilderberg and CFR infamy. My own position is one of reserved judgement, the “wait and see” approach. I certainly hope David is right, but at the moment there are too many conflicting messages for me to be convinced either way. Still, Obama's a heck of a lot easier to believe in than Senators McCain or Clinton would have been. I see him as a sort of blank screen, on which people can project whatever they expect to see, and that's probably intentional to some degree. Time will tell what he's really made of. The real litmus tests are yet to come, I think.

David's other “soft spot” is his claim to be the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce. That's one of those things nobody can really prove, and to his credit, I guess, David has downplayed this aspect since coming out with the claim. It's ultimately neither here nor there, and I think those detractors of DW who focus on this aspect are really missing the point. It's basically an ad hominem attack, I'd say, because the Edgar Cayce thing has no bearing whatsoever on David's actual message.

And I do believe that that message will continue to reach more people and find more resonance in the world. David's message is very positive, infectiously so. He certainly acknowledges the negative, as he must if he is to be taken seriously, but works it all into a context and a core understanding that inspires one to have faith in the ultimate benevolence of the universe, and in the bright future of humankind. More power to him.