Limits of an Infinite Self

Such musings come to mind as I reflect on my thoughts of the past week or two. I seek perfection (in the verb sense, to perfect); it is in my nature. So when I recently found a Finnish translation of Gnostic teacher Samael Aun Weor's book The Perfect Matrimony at the public library, I naturally took it out and started to read, with great interest. The book brought together for me certain hanging threads from previously gathered information: specifically, it brings into focus the razor's-edge road of sacred sex. It purports to reveal the one and only way to incarnate the “soul” by birthing the inner “vehicles,” the astral, mental, and causal Christ-bodies. Far from being in a position to confirm or refute what the old dude is talking about, I find much there that resonates as “truth.” At the same time, while I resonate strongly with much of the Gnostic reality tunnel, I find it also quite unforgiving. I get a sense of extreme demand for impeccability – not a problem in itself, like I said, I am a perfectophile – and very much a sense that its message is only for the few who are ready and able to receive it. I deplore the state of man and this world of traps and lies as much as anyone. I would desperately like to see these things change for the better, and I would definitely desire to be able to freely traverse higher realms and access the clairsentient senses... but I am what I am, where I am. The threshold of the Ninth Sphere is closed to me; my wife was deeply insulted when I said I would like to make love without orgasm. Such a thing does not make sense to her; she would rather be celibate. I do not blame her for my not being allowed or able to follow that path; we are what we are, where we are. I deeply and painfully feel my lack of capacity for authentic, selfless love; I am daily struck with demonstrations of my own weaknesses and failings of character; I am, perhaps, most likely, not a candidate for the path of white magic at this time. I lack certain virtues that only further experience in this dense material-realm dream state can confer. Certain hindrances are in place that are yet to dissolve. So, as constricting and frustrating as my life situation feels at times, I know that these unsatisfactory (to the self) conditions exist for a reason. They provide catalyst for the necessary changes – refinements, realizations, releases from conditioning, etc. – to my ego-self. They force me to do work now that would otherwise take forever. For that, I must try (grin) to be grateful.

One thing I can say in favour of the value of sacred sexual practice, having actually tried it for three days, is that it greatly increased my vital energy. I found it much easier to stay grounded, joyful, positive, calm, enthused, etc. It was like stepping into a much more spiritual-oriented self than the usual struggle with lower impulses. Lord Krishna said, “Success is speedy for the energetic.” I believe sexual energy, properly used and directed, is precisely what he was talking about. So if you can go that route, I do recommend it.


An excerpt from the book “The Perfect Matrimony”, chapter entitled “Love”, written by Samael Aun Weor

To wrap up, I will finish with a realization that came about when I was prevented by technical issues from listening to a highly interesting interview online. There really is no need, in the end, to seek knowledge or affirmation from any outside source. All we need is to talk to the Ineffable as though it really were present. It is the greatest source – the ultimate and only source – of Love and Wisdom and Power. Why wouldn't you try to make friends with it? It's the only thing that really makes sense. So, whatever else you do or don't do, talk to God. Just do it. I'm gonna try, every day. It's never let me down yet. It's the daily practice, the not letting up, that counts for results. That's what I'm told by one who's been there, so I'm not just BSing you from my own ignorance, heh heh. (wink)

OK, I'm gone. See you later, 'bye!

Horseshoe crabs in a yin/yang configuration Water = Blood Their blood is our blood. The ocean that bears them bears us.

In the course of my unrelenting journey through this time we share, I've been at a place where there's all too much to say, and nothing at all. Time is an exacting mistress; mine has given me other things to do. But now, for a moment, I'm here, grateful for the opportunity to say a few words, if they'll be given.

I don't know much about what's going on in the world these days. I hear things, but not enough to get more than a vague picture. Apocalypse is still picking up steam, showing clearer signs of its effects, but it still seems to be holding out for the right time to let loose. Which is fine with me. I've got all I can handle right here, and then some.

Interesting times. Last night, I seemed to get some kind of ajna upgrade. First I heard a tone in my right ear that was different from any I'd gotten earlier: more musical and alive. I relaxed into a flow of mental imagery which took on an immersive quality that I hadn't experienced before. The detail and resolution were cranked up to about the maximum I've been able to see, but now it was all in three dimensions, extending above, below, and to the sides. I had no visible body to occlude the view. I was on some kind of waking trip inside my mind's eye, exploring spaces that didn't all seem entirely of my own making.

Some element of guidance or transmission seemed involved in one case. I saw a temple, shaped like a Christian cross. It was some level of myself, symbolically. It was like a computer-generated schematic, very layered and complex, with different layers and elements alternately coming into view and disappearing. There were three gates, one at each of the short ends of the cross. One for love, one for power, and one for wisdom. It seemed that I was meant to enter all three simultaneously. Each was guarded by an adversary that could only be made to dissolve into base nothingness by completely embodying and rightly applying the one of these three divine qualities.

At the center of the temple, embedded within many subtle layers of structure, was an egg-shaped cocoon of light. This contained a human form in fetal position, head facing downwards to the long passage. It was the home of absolute peace and calm and stillness, from whence all else is a passing deviation. This peace is the treasure for which I yearn, and which gives one the strength to endure any trial. It is absolute and unshakeable.

I can only speculate as to what meaning this all has. Perhaps it was only a fanciful creation based on my intuitive, partial understanding of certain principles. It would seem logical to assume that the long portion of the temple represents a sort of root or anchor to source, as well as a passageway into something beyond the anthropic stage of being.


(A Google image search turned up the drawing above. The web page it comes from seems potentially of interest. Not having read it through, I make no claims regarding any of the content.)

That's all I have time for at the moment. I hope to return here with more to share before the year is out. Peace out to you, my brothers and sisters. Godspeed, and may your journey home be swift and true. Love, William

Everyone has their own idea of what's going on, where we are, how we got here, what we face in the future. There's a thread of apocalypticism that seems to crop up everywhere. That thread, especially as woven in the mass media, is often heavily tinged with fear and fantasy, based on vague or shallow understanding. It becomes easy to either dismiss such thoughtforms altogether and continue to imagine that everything will keep going on pretty much as it has been, or else to get all caught up in the smoke-and-mirrors funhouse version of Circus Apocalypticus. The Tunnel of Doom can be a compelling ride, and there's no end of terrifying and disturbing sights and sounds to keep that dark thrill of fear and despair churning inside. That's to be expected. We are, after all, in a realm of appearances. We each see our own subconscious shadows playing out on the screen, along with the beauty of our divine nature, in whatever measure is appropriate to our individual need and choice, moment by moment.

Objectively, nothing I say here matters a whit. Nor does it matter what I believe nor what anyone else believes. Nevertheless, here inside the fractal symphony of subjective experience, under the prime illusion of separation, each part has its own specific role to play. Regarding the need for self-expression, I recall these words from a song I learned in elementary school, the Rainbow Song:

Listen with your eyes
listen with your eyes
and sing everything you see.

I write, not because I believe it will make any difference, but because I am compelled and moved to do so by my innermost heart. At this moment, it's what I'm here to do. And so I do my best to let that innermost heart get a word in, through all the posturings and ramblings of my limited ego self.

I had a deep discussion with a friend yesterday about the economic crisis. Our views turned out to be pretty similar, although we had enough differences of opinion to make the conversation lively and interesting. His understanding at this time doesn't incorporate what could be called “conspiracy theory,” in that he doesn't see our debt-based monetary system as being inherently flawed to begin with, whereas I do. But all such conclusions are only tentative, subject to change in the presence of new information that would challenge us to see more. I voiced my understanding, in such part as I felt appropriate, but didn't turn it into a debate. There wasn't enough of a common background of information to be able to get into (what I see as) the more hidden, engineered aspects of the situation. I wasn't there to persuade him of my view, but rather to just share thoughts and have a mutually agreeable and enriching moment of human contact.

Our other major topic of discussion was one on which I've never even formed much of an opinion: the potential for an existential threat to humanity arising from the birth of an artificial intelligence beyond our capacity to control. To me, that subject has been more in the realm of thought-provoking science fiction than any plausible, actual future. To him, it is perhaps the gravest problem we face, given, of course, that something else doesn't come along first and render the question moot. In essence, the solution would be to prepare for that scenario in advance by somehow ensuring that if and when such an uncontrollable intelligence is born, it will be of such a nature as to allow for the (humanly tolerable) long-term survival of our species.

I've taken in enough science fiction to have a basic idea of the range of imagined future scenarios concerning humans vs. AI. Peaceful coexistence via hard-wired Laws for robots and a general ethical treatment towards them on the part of humans, as envisioned by Asimov, seems to me perhaps a little premature and idealistic, given the sad state of the human psyche and the unpredictability of self-directed evolution. Based on our historical record, the vision of the Terminator films would seem more realistic. But both of these scenarios presuppose the development of AI continuing forward from the present day without interruption. So the more immediate hurdles, I would say, are the existential threat posed by unenlightened mankind to itself, and the very real possibility of cataclysmic Earth changes, abundantly prognosticated by modern science and prophesied by ancient traditions passed down from the survivors of the last global extinction-level event.

I'm a big fan of the Matrix films. They depict a human race struggling for freedom from the dominance of machine intelligence in a war that is not only physical, but essentially psychological and spiritual. To me, the Matrix story is less a probable future scenario than it is an allegorical tale about where we are now. The machines are an externalized manifestation of the egoic mind, which can never know God but is preoccupied with material things. This machine intelligence creates a virtual reality, a literal prison for humanity, in which the vast majority live out their lives unaware. As an enslaved human begins to awaken, this matrix reality appears increasingly “wrong,” and they question just how real it all is, what greater truth might lie beyond these appearances.

In the real world (grin), awakening is a multi-layered process. The exact route by which it happens is, of course, unique to each person. For many, the first layer is the manufactured and distorted version of reality portrayed by television and other forms of mass media. Entertainment on this lowest end of the spectrum is typically hypnotic, banal, debased, and void of higher meaning. At some point, it becomes clear that, at its root, this is all intentionally so. It's not just because these corporations cater to the lowest common denominator to make more money. Facts and questions that go outside a particular box are actively marginalized and suppressed.

As I write, right now, the time is 9:11 PM. I suppose I'll take that as a hint. (grin)

My friend is as yet unconvinced that the events of 9-11-2001 were brought about and/or facilitated by elements within the U.S. government and U.S. intelligence (although he doesn't deny the possibility). From the perspective of one who became convinced several years ago, I would say that that position stems mainly from a lack of awareness of the vast body of credible evidence, an unwillingness to believe that such evil could lurk so strongly in such high positions of power, or both. Of course, there is also the fear of being pejoratively labeled a “conspiracy nut,” but for anyone determined to find the truth, wherever the evidence may lead, that should be of no concern. Rest assured: despite what the corporate media would have us believe, being on the side of “9-11 truth” does not translate into being an extremist or a crazy person. I shouldn't have to say that, but there it is. The real problem, of course, is that once you accept a “Truther” version of 9-11, it opens up a Pandora's box of other shit. Shit that a lot of people just don't want to touch, no matter what. They would rather not know, because knowing would mean an end to the dream with which they are so comfortable, a dream into which certain harsh big-picture realities simply do not fit.

As always, the wisest position is the only one of which there can be certainty: “I don't know.” Everything we think we know is based on perception, and our perception is, by its nature, limited. Despite what I've said here about awakening, I don't consider myself to be awake at all. I am still dreaming, just like everyone else here, although less deeply than some. All that means is that I'm standing in a different place, somewhere between the crowded center and the rarefied outermost fringes of our collective reality. I like it here. I'm in good company. But it would be terribly boring if everybody were in the same place. Regardless of where we are in relation to each other, we can interact and become the richer for it. We're all teachers, and we're all students.

Anyway, that's all incidental to the real truth, which is... we're not separate. It only seems like we are, because that's the only way we can do what we're here to do, and that's... to learn about love. To really learn, we had to step into an illusion where love is not absolute and unconditional, where we suffer and die and long for what we seemingly lost when the universe began. Our journey here is not in vain. It is part of a Great Work in progress. By our choices, we can either prolong or hasten that Great Work in ourselves. We cling to our illusions as long as we can, but little by little they fall away. Our vision expands and brightens. We experience love in all its forms, including all the manifestations of its absence and distortion. And at the end, we are all reunited with the essence from which we came and which attracts all things back unto itself for the glorious, unimaginably grand after-party of all Time.

But to answer the question... hell, I don't know. You're asking me???

“Religion is for the weak-minded,” said my best friend in high school. He said this many times. The fact that I was a Christian and he an atheist never got in the way of our friendship, and he could speak his opinions bluntly without putting a dent in it. But I could see his point, even though I knew plenty of religious people who were far from stupid, and some who I considered wise indeed.

Long before I finally left my church, I recognized the deep subjectivity of religious belief and practice. I could not, in my heart, condemn anyone for merely adhering to a different belief system, because I intuited that a person's beliefs about reality inevitably shaped their experience of it, and so their personal reality would tend to confirm their beliefs. Moreover, the idea of there being some kind of God's own special, chosen group of people on earth always rubbed me the wrong way on some deep level. I could never completely swallow the assertion so often made in my church that there was only one, specific way for man to find God and be saved, and that that single way just happened to be the one they were preaching. It didn't seem fair and it didn't seem logical – given that God was supposed to be universal and all-loving!

I've felt tempted several times to write a scathing, thorough critique of the faith and the church in which I was raised, but I've always held back. It's not that I'm afraid of offending someone, or that I don't think the criticism would be deserved. It's more a feeling of “what's the point?” There have always been much more constructive uses for my writing, I've felt. On the other hand, why not just let it out and be done with it? That's what a good rant is for, isn't it? Weeell... true, but what good does that do for the reader? To be remotely useful, such a critique would have to resemble an academic write-up more than a simple rant, and I don't think I'm up to that kind of feat today. Maybe never. If it needs to get written, it will. I try not to be dictated by my ego too much here. My most successful writing tends to be spontaneous and often ends up surprising me by the time I'm done.

What I would like to do today is to get off of my soapbox while the gettin' is good and pass on to you the words of Manly P. Hall, from his 1928 book The Secret Teachings of All Ages (public domain). The selection below talks a little bit about sex vis à vis Christian philosophy and follows up with an interesting story about Adam and a certain very old and cunning snake. Enjoy!

Exactly what is to be inferred by the division of the sexes as symbolically described in Genesis is a much-debated question. That man was primarily androgynous is quite universally conceded and it is a reasonable presumption that he will ultimately regain this bisexual state. As to the manner in which this will be accomplished two opinions are advanced. One school of thought affirms that the human soul was actually divided into two parts (male and female) and that man remains an unperfected creature until these parts are reunited through the emotion which man calls love. From this concept has grown the much-abused doctrine of "soul mates" who must quest through the ages until the complementary part of each severed soul is discovered. The modern concept of marriage is to a certain degree founded upon this ideal.

According to the other school, the so-called division of the sexes resulted from suppression of one pole of the androgynous being in order that the vital energies manifesting through it might be diverted to development of the rational faculties. From this point of view man is still actually androgynous and spiritually complete, but in the material world the feminine part of man's nature and the masculine part of woman's nature are quiescent. Through spiritual unfoldment and knowledge imparted by the Mysteries, however, the latent element in each nature is gradually brought into activity and ultimately the human being thus regains sexual equilibrium. By this theory woman is elevated from the position of being man's errant part to one of complete equality. From this point of view, marriage is regarded as a companionship in which two complete individualities manifesting opposite polarities are brought into association that each may thereby awaken the qualities latent in the other and thus assist in the attainment of individual completeness. The first theory may be said to regard marriage as an end; the second as a means to an end. The deeper schools of philosophy have leaned toward the latter as more adequately acknowledging the infinite potentialities of divine completeness in both aspects of creation.

The Christian Church is fundamentally opposed to the theory of marriage, claiming that the highest degree of spirituality is achievable only by those preserving the virginal state. This concept seemingly originated among certain sects of the early Gnostic Christians, who taught that to propagate the human species was to increase and perpetuate the power of the Demiurgus; for the lower world was looked upon as an evil fabrication created to ensnare the souls of all born into it--hence it was a crime to assist in bringing souls to earth. When, therefore, the unfortunate father or mother shall stand before the Final Tribunal, all their offspring will also appear and accuse them of being the cause of those miseries attendant upon physical existence. This view is strengthened by the allegory of Adam and Eve, whose sin through which humanity has been brought low is universally admitted to have been concerned with the mystery of generation. Mankind, owing to Father Adam its physical existence, regards its progenitor as the primary cause of its misery; and in the judgment Day, rising up as a mighty progeny, will accuse its common paternal ancestor.

Those Gnostic sects maintaining a more rational attitude on the subject declared the very existence of the lower worlds to signify that the Supreme Creator had a definite purpose in their creation; to doubt his judgment was, therefore, a grievous error. The church, however, seemingly arrogated to itself the astonishing prerogative of correcting God in this respect, for wherever possible it continued to impose celibacy, a practice resulting in an alarming number of neurotics. In the Mysteries, celibacy is reserved for those who have reached a certain degree of spiritual unfoldment. When advocated for the mass of unenlightened humanity, however, it becomes a dangerous heresy, fatal alike to both religion and philosophy. As Christendom in its fanaticism has blamed every individual Jew for the crucifixion of Jesus, so with equal consistency it has maligned every member of the feminine sex. In vindication of Eve philosophy claims that the allegory signifies merely that man is tempted by his emotions to depart from the sure path of reason.

Many of the early Church Fathers sought to establish a direct relationship between Adam and Christ, thereby obviously discounting the extremely sinful nature of man's common ancestor, since it is quite certain that when St. Augustine likens Adam to Christ and Eve to the church he does not intend to brand the latter institution as the direct cause of the fall of man. For some inexplicable reason, however, religion has ever regarded intellectualism – in fact every form of knowledge – as fatal to man's spiritual growth. The Ignaratitine Friars are an outstanding example of this attitude.

In this ritualistic drama – possibly derived from the Egyptians – Adam, banished from the Garden of Eden, represents man philosophically exiled from the sphere of Truth. Through ignorance man falls; through wisdom he redeems himself. The Garden of Eden represents the House of the Mysteries (see The Vision of Enoch) in the midst of which grew both the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Man, the banished Adam, seeks to pass from the outer court of the Sanctuary (the exterior universe) into the sanctum sanctorum, but before him rises a vast creature armed with a flashing sword that, moving slowly but continually, sweeps clear a wide circle, and through this "Ring Pass Not" the Adamic man cannot break.

The cherubim address the seeker thus: "Man, thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return. Thou wert fashioned by the Builder of Forms; thou belongest to the sphere of form, and the breath that was breathed into thy soul was the breath of form and like a flame it shall flicker out. More than thou art thou canst not be. Thou art a denizen of the outer world and it is forbidden thee to enter this inner place."

And the Adam replies: "Many times have I stood within this courtyard and begged admission to my Father's house and thou hast refused it me and sent me back to wander in darkness. True it is that I was fashioned out of the dirt and that my Maker could not confer upon me the boon of immortality. But no more shalt thou send me away; for, wandering in the darkness, I have discovered that the Almighty hath decreed my salvation because He hath sent out of the most hidden Mystery His Only Begotten who didst take upon Himself the world fashioned by the Demiurgus. Upon the elements of that world was He crucified and from Him hath poured forth the blood of my salvation. And God, entering into His creation, hath quickened it and established therein a road that leadeth to Himself. While my Maker could not give me immortality, immortality was inherent in the very dust of which I was composed, for before the world was fabricated and before the Demiurgus became the Regent of Nature, the Eternal Life had impressed itself upon the face of Cosmos. This is its sign – the Cross. Do you now deny me entrance, I who have at last learned the mystery of myself?"

And the voice replies: "He who is aware, IS! Behold!"

Gazing about him, Adam finds himself in a radiant place, in the midst of which stands a tree with flashing jewels for fruit and entwined about its trunk a flaming, winged serpent crowned with a diadem of stars. It was the voice of the serpent that had spoken.

"Who art thou?" demands the Adam.

"I," the serpent answers, "am Satan who was stoned; I am the Adversary--the Lord who is against you, the one who pleads for your destruction before the Eternal Tribunal. I was your enemy upon the day that you were formed; I have led you into temptation; I have delivered you into the hands of evil; I have maligned you; I have striven ever to achieve your undoing. I am the guardian of the Tree of Knowledge and I have sworn that none whom I can lead astray shall partake of its fruits."

The Adam replies: "For uncounted ages have I been thy servant. In my ignorance I listened to thy words and they led me into paths of sorrow. Thou hast placed in my mind dreams of power, and when I struggled to realize those dreams they brought me naught but pain. Thou hast sowed in me the seeds of desire, and when I lusted after the things of the flesh agony was my only recompense. Thou hast sent me false prophets and false reasoning, and when I strove to grasp the magnitude of Truth I found thy laws were false and only dismay rewarded my strivings. I am done with thee forever, O artful Spirit! I have tired of thy world of illusions. No longer will I labor in thy vineyards of iniquity. Get thee behind me, tempter, and the host of thy temptations. There is no happiness, no peace, no good, no future in the doctrines of selfishness, hate, and passion preached by thee. All these things do I cast aside. Renounced is thy rule forever!"

And the serpent makes answer: "Behold, O Adam, the nature of thy Adversary!" The serpent disappears in a blinding sunburst of radiance and in its place stands an angel resplendent in shining, golden garments with great scarlet wings that spread from one corner of the heavens to the other. Dismayed and awestruck, the Adam falls before the divine creature.

"I am the Lord who is against thee and thus accomplishes thy salvation, " continues the voice. "Thou hast hated me, but through the ages yet to be thou shalt bless me, for I have led thee out of the sphere of the Demiurgus; I have turned thee against the illusion of worldliness; I have weaned thee of desire; I have awakened in thy soul the immortality of which I myself partake. Follow me, O Adam, for I am the Way, the Life, and the Truth!"

(Thanks to Les Visible for the PDF.)

P.S. For Hall's analysis of the historical Jesus, follow this link here.

For a while now, part of me has been in a state of prayerful expectation for the next revelation in my life, the next piece of the puzzle to cross my path. It is said that when the disciple is ready, the master will appear. And so it has now proven to be in this case.

It came about through a chance reference (though nothing is by chance) to the Eastern concept of bodhisattva. The word, with the impression I got from the context, strongly drew my attention. In an email discussion with Tertius, my interest toward the subject of this type of incarnated soul (and Eastern esotericism in general) only grew, and I began my preliminary investigations on Wikipedia. Almost immediately thereafter, I was contacted by another friend on the phone, who just happened to have a link to some wisdom teachings that he thought might interest me. After visiting the library and picking up some books, I checked out that link. Eureka! I mean, wow. That stuff sucked me right in.

The thing about esoteric teachings, the kind that are supposed to transform your life from the inside out, is that there's no guarantee. You either get it or you don't, and there are many levels of getting it. Degrees of comprehension. How deep it goes just depends on how prepared your consciousness is. Well. I was very receptive to this material, and as I read it, I could taste the meaning. As I breathed in the concepts, I began to embody them, and feel them working. Soon I was directly experiencing some of the same states of consciousness that the texts were talking about. To be sure, it was only a “lite” version of the full thing, like maybe a 2 out of 10 where you have no idea what the factor is between 2 and 3, or 3 and 4, or any of the rest, so it could really be more like 0.000002 out of 10. (So much for linear thinking, haha, not much use with this stuff, eh?) But regardless of how puny my level of comprehension compared to the totality of it, it was enough. It really did change my whole way of seeing reality, put me in a different operating mode. To use the computer analogy, it felt like I was now running software written in a more basic, and thus more powerful, language. The limitations of the usual, more complex language were no longer an issue. The persistent bugs in my particular version of the software could now simply be circumvented by invoking a code closer to the God-like level of raw binary. And I felt... liberated.

Of course the analogy is flawed. Hmmm, I had some more illuminating words in mind earlier...

Yes. The mis-identification of the Self with the imagined object. Body, mind, ego: these are not the Self. They are projections in a dream. And so you recognize them for what they are. Recognize that self-awareness is the eternal observer independent of any temporal thing. See everything that appears to have a separate existence in the context of the dream. “My body (in the dream) is tired (in the dream).” “My (illusory) mind is wrestling with these (illusory) thoughts.” “My (imagined) ego is pleased (in the dream).” The words, of course, are not necessary. What counts is the awareness in the moment. And the word “my” – well, it's not the perfect word, but you know what I mean. If you know what I mean. (grin)

Fortunately for whoever reads this (and who are you, anyway? Keep asking that, I swear it'll take you places!), I have the sense to stick with convention as far as the writing goes – when I'm not messing with your head. So ego continues to carry the ball, like it's supposed to... at least on the surface. (wink)

The effect of all this lucidity for me has been pretty nice. There's the whole elimination of suffering bit, of course. But most interesting has been the inversion of this most annoying tendency I have, as an extreme introvert, to be full of activity on the inside, yet appallingly ineffective on the outside. By quieting the mind and watching the dream as a spectator, the undertaking of appropriate action becomes nearly effortless. I will it, and it happens. Very cool! It may sound kind of silly for someone who's never dealt with such a problem, but for me this is really a life-saver. For the sake of this effect alone, I intend to keep up the practice as diligently as I can. It's not about enlightenment at this stage, it's about mastering this enough to have it in my bag of tricks for everyday self-management.

That's all for now. Have a lucid day!

It goes almost without saying that I've been going through a very transformative time lately. What else is new, right? (grin) This time I feel I'm really making progress in some fundamental areas. My whole sense of reality has begun to shift on an ever-deeper level, beyond mere intellectual awareness and into the level of basic belief and manifest experience.

The last time I wrote, my breakthrough was the laying of a particular foundational rock, the ability to stand firm in the knowledge that I AM, therefore I AM. The implications of this knowledge are far-reaching. If I Am as the Infinite Is, then truly I am the Infinite. (As are you and as is everything in existence.) My conscious, egoic mind now has a way to become a tool and a partner in life, such that it might eventually know its place and be able to be called up and used or set aside at will.

After this epiphany, it was natural for me to attract to myself the next piece of the puzzle. It's a piece that I've always had with me; again, this was simply a matter of having it clarified and brought home in a more personally meaningful and relevant way.

The re-Minder (re-Hearter) in this case was David Icke's Tales from the Time Loop, specifically the latter portion. David, in his inimitably down-to-earth style, makes very clear his understanding that “Infinite Love is the only truth; everything else is illusion.” He reduces our seeming reality into the vibrations of energy that it fundamentally is. We are infinite consciousness choosing to have an experience of being human. Our five senses function to receive vibrational signals and construct an immersive virtual reality experience that we then like to think is perfectly real and solid and existing, in an absolute sense, independently of ourselves. Wrong!

Where did all that vibrating energy come from? It came from consciousness to begin with! So what we are observing as this seeming world “out there” is in fact a direct reflection of the thoughts that consciousness is having. Thoughts become things through the alchemy of creation. By thinking something, consciousness also creates it. Because it's all just a virtual reality, right? So, then... what's the power behind it all???

It's Love, silly! That's the whole reason for creating anything in the first place. Love is what makes up and sustains everything that is. And the Love of Prime Creator is a perfect, all-encompassing Love that is the only thing that really exists in an absolute and eternal sense. When we speak of Oneness, we are speaking of Infinite Love. They are the same thing.

Oneness does not vibrate, because there are no two different states for it to oscillate between. It is totally still. It simply IS. David Icke puts it so well when he describes how to get in touch with Infinite Love. All it takes is stillness. He doesn't feel the need to “meditate,” but he often does simply “sit quietly,” allowing all illusory thoughts to recede from his mind, allowing stillness to enter in. In that place of peace and stillness is the awareness of Infinite Love.


In my very limited experience, I have found that David's method can work to at least some degree. I have personally, however, had more success (i.e. a more “spectacular” experience) by placing my hands over my heart chakra and visualizing it opening like a flower with layer upon layer of petals, becoming ever more exposed and vulnerable. At the same time, I let go of ego as best I can and focus my being on just surrendering to the awesome truth of what is, to the experience of divine Love. With this method, I've been able to feel half-second bursts of the most incredible feeling I could imagine. And yet, I know that all I've allowed myself to feel has been the merest shadow, the faintest holographic imprint, of what Infinite Love really is. If I felt much more than that, I think I'd blow every fuse in my body. (grin)



I've been exposed to the idea of “You create your own reality” in an explicit way only since I read an e-book on “manifesting” using the so-called “Law of Attraction” a couple of years ago. However, that book didn't really seem to convey a full grasp of it all, in a practicable way, now that I compare it to Montalk's excellent summary on reality creation (Part 1, Part 2). You'll want to read that one for sure.

Reality creation is nothing more than the use of certain metaphysical principles to influence a given reality into being. Key factors are conscious intent (confidently deciding something, declaring it as your intent), attraction (holding thoughts that resonate with the desired reality), appropriate action (meeting reality halfway, creating possibilities for manifestation), and non-anticipation (anticipating something energetically blocks it from occurring in the way anticipated). Anxiety and doubt are obstacles to manifestation, whereas a nonchalant attitude of confidence and simple trust is key.

I have had at least one quite persuasive, though small-scale, success with reality creation. I once had a veritable clan of indestructible warts on my feet that persisted for many years, far longer than warts are supposed to last, despite my every attempt to scour them away with whatever wart cures the pharmacy had to offer. Finally, I decided, “Heck with it, I might as well try some of this voodoo, woo-woo stuff.” I put myself into as deep a trance state as I could achieve and thought wart-free thoughts as fervently as I could muster. For the next two weeks, I took “appropriate action” by eating a strict raw-foods, vegan diet. I hardly thought about my warts. I was emotionally detached from the results of the whole endeavour. Lo and behold, one morning I took a look at my feet: not a single wart nor any sign that I'd ever had one. As far as I'm concerned, that was reality creation at work, by the book. For a long time, I kind of half-dismissed the whole thing as an unrepeatable fluke, but I'm now hoping to use it to manifest progressively more spectacular results.



“Flow” is a related concept, also relevant to my current situation. I've been more or less pretty well in it lately, except for a few rough patches. Flow happens when you're following the path of least resistance. Conventional wisdom might call this laziness, but I call it not being a stupid goat-head, bashing yourself against the fence when you could just walk around it. One of David Icke's aphorisms is “Flow equals Go; Stuck equals Chuck (or change).” Being in the Flow is simply a sign that you're on the right track in life, doing what you're meant to be doing. Life isn't meant to be a miserable cycle of soul-sucking drudgery and failure; if that's your experience, then UR DOIN IT RONG. Either that or you actually signed up for such an experience before coming here; in that case, don't complain. (grin)

It's absolutely essential, if you want to get into the Flow and stay there, to follow your intuition. It'll never steer you wrong if you just cultivate the ability to hear what it's actually saying. Your intuition comes from the part of you, the non-egoic part, that's connected with all things and knows all things. It may come as the merest whisper or nudge, but you ignore it at your peril. The logical, reasoning mind can only see to the next bend, but the intuitive mind sees the whole route at once. It's there to guide you, so make use of it.

Remember the Little Engine that Could? He believed he could, and so that was his reality. If he'd believed the opposite, then he'd have gotten the opposite reality, “can't” instead of “can.” Believing makes it so. Be careful what you believe, what you tell yourself, and what you let others tell you. Your core beliefs are more than just the lens through which you view reality; they ultimately create that reality.

That's all I've got this time. Thanks for tuning in!

Human experience follows a limited set of archetypes. One of the best-known models of this set is laid out in the 22 Major Arcana of the Tarot. Card XVI, The Tower, represents the archetype of the Dark Night of the Soul.

I just passed through a Dark Night of the Soul experience, and am still very much in the process of learning from it, seeking and assimilating the wisdom to be gained. I am grateful to several individuals in particular for helping me pull through. One of them is a public figure, rapper KRS-ONE. His lecture Hip Hop Beyond Entertainment was instrumental in bringing about the personal epiphany that brought this most recent Dark Night experience of mine to a definitive close.

KRS-ONE re-minded me (re-HEARTed is more like it) of the primal significance of the realization that I AM. That's where our true power comes from, the power to truly end slavery – to end the entire idea, the very consciousness behind slavery. To paraphrase the hip hop philosopher, as long as you're looking outside yourself for validation, you are FREED – not FREE. Freedom – self-actualization – is what gives someone the ability to take a worthless rag, tie it around their head, walk around in public like that rag is worth ten thousand bucks, and end up having other people actually pay ten thousand bucks to have one just like it.

And that's pretty much what hip hop did. It came out of seemingly hopeless circumstances: war overseas, fatherless families, an epidemic of heroin, substandard education, and a cycle of poverty. That generation, in order to survive in a world where it was effectively excluded from the mainstream of society, had to self-create its own identity outside the mainstream. If they'd waited for permission to have a culture, or to join the wider, established culture, they'd still be waiting. Except they'd probably be dead. It was Do or die, so the ones who refused to die... Did. Lacking instruments, they made their own music with what they did have. Lacking approved venues for their visual art, they used the surfaces that were there, whether they had permission or not; hence, graffiti. Their solution to the impossibility of their situation was to reject the reality of their parents' generation and replace it with their own reality, one that they could understand and that reflected their own values. Hip hop didn't need approval, it approved itself... and flourished. By the same token, FREE human beings don't need to earn the right to exist, they have that right intrinsically, because they exist. I AM, therefore I AM.

What value do you place on yourself? Are you worth more if you own more real estate or have a bigger bank account? Are you more human because you have a family and other people who care about you? If you don't value your soul, does it have worth? Are you less than completely you if you lack the university degree or the job you want? Does your self-worth depend on someone else's say-so? And who is responsible for you? Do you want somebody to protect you from your own choices, or are you willing to face the consequences without blinking? If you say you're going to do something, and then don't hold yourself to it, what was the point? Your existence either means something, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then you might as well not exist. And would you choose that, really? Because it is a choice. You may not have to earn your right to exist, but you sure as hell ought to claim it. Because if you don't own your life, someone else will.

Me, I'm still working on getting this through to myself. It's been four and a half years since the first time I consciously came to this realization. That time I ended up losing my nerve, sliding back. I reckon it's a case of “not being ready 'till you're ready.” But I think the point's been driven just a liiiittle closer to home this time. If it takes another Dark Night before I'm really ready, then so be it. But I'm not throwing away this chance.

Thank you, God, and thank me, God.

Espavo, Namasté, and peace out.

War is bad. We don't like war. Never wanted it.

(I've never tried any hallucinogens, and I don't feel the need to do so, although I am OK with people using them as a shortcut [and only as a shortcut] to experiences and states of mind that might otherwise require lifetimes of work to attain.)

I dreamed about mushrooms last night. As far as I know, they weren't entheogenic mushrooms, just the regular, edible kind.

I was walking through a spruce forest. It was shady and the ground was covered in brown needles. There was hardly any green to be found. A rather dead place. I had a woven basket, and I was wandering around, looking for mushrooms. For some strange reason, the bottom of the basket was covered in little rocks. It's like I wanted to feel some kind of weight in there, even if it wasn't the thing I was after. All I had found so far was one little piece of a mushroom, just enough to prove that there were mushrooms to be found. After much fruitless wandering, I was feeling quite discouraged.

A couple of elderly women passed by, dressed in white, carrying white baskets that appeared to be quite full of mushrooms. They looked with amusement at my basket of rocks. They didn't speak with their mouths, but I caught the impression of a thoughtform:

"Those rocks'll make a tasty soup, I'm sure! (laughter) Good luck, boy. Keep looking!"

Somehow, I knew in my heart that I had to keep searching and not give up. So I kept on, guided by this inner knowing that it would all be worth it in the end. And sure enough, I finally found a whole cache of mushrooms as big as my hand, already sliced and stacked in neat piles. As soon as I saw it, I remembered: I picked these myself earlier!

There were more mushrooms than I could even fit into my basket!

So I dumped out the stupid rocks and started to fill my basket with precious, delicious mushrooms... the treasure and the true, spiritual food of angels!