Just keepin' it real, yo

Hello again, fellow travellers! It’s been a while once again since I’ve opened up this channel. Given the nature of the times – the flavour of the karios, as Clif High would say – that’s no surprise. It pretty much goes without saying that the intensity has not let up and shows no sign of doing so. This is good news, if one is predisposed to letting go, facing up, taking home the lessons that life brings. (Which, sadly for us human critters, is rarely the case, but most of us do those things eventually. Right? grin)

My troubles, your troubles, blither blather, common ground established, let’s cut to the chase. It is fascinating to observe, in the blogosphere and in the personal, private realm, how the unconscious, mechanical nature of the unbalanced, unhealed psyche reveals itself. Even the learnedest and wisest are prone to very human flaws and weaknesses. There is not one who can presume to claim a higher ground than another without revealing some unrecognized, unintegrated aspect of the delusion of separation still hanging on, distorting the image of reality in their personal mirror of the mind.

I am but a wee-bairn beginner on the path to wisdom, eyes barely opened, still very much a prisoner of my entrenched false identity, the little-i. (I feel like it may help to drop the capital “I,” at least mentally. This could be a useful meditation for daily practice, to consciously remind oneself from every angle that the personal-identity self that we call “me” or “I” is simply a facet of the One, one among a vast infinity of expressions of the divine that surrounds us in every moment. The world, including all dimensions beyond the five senses, is an integral whole. We are bit players in a grand drama, each with our own uniquely individual yet totally unexceptional part to play. The center of the universe resides within each of us. See: fulcrum.)

I am personally very prone to absorbing myself in the intellectual exercise of mental modeling, seeking the mere outline of truth in the abstract. I don’t think it’s a bad thing entirely, in fact it may be a fruitful avenue of progress. First I consume information, seek out new perspectives, try to get a feel for things in a rather haphazard manner. I try on ideas, conceptualize them, feel them out, examine them for flaws, see how they fit together with existing models and perspectives. This is all done internally. I am much of the time tinkering with my own understanding of the universe. Sometimes I come across expansive new vistas to explore, or gain a deeper, richer level of understanding of previously familiar territory. Of course, it goes beyond the theoretical particularly (only) when there is something personally experienced, that fills in the lines with colour and vibrancy. Sometimes, the lines are sketched out first through this mental effort, then gradually become real, tangible things as consciousness draws them into experience through focus, practice, and even simple resonance. “That which occupies your mind, has a direct bearing upon what you become and where you go.” I think Les Visible said something like that. He says a lot of things that sound like they’re probably somehow true, and then one day you’re like, “Ah-ha, so that’s what that means.”

I know small minds talk about people, etc., but I want to broach the subject of this person because he really has had a major impact on my mental landscape for a number of years since I started following his work, and I think there’s a certain profound lesson I am learning through him. But not to be a pot calling the kettle black, I will put myself as the subject of the illustration.

You may get the idea, from reading my blog, that there is this guy out there, really stellar guy, beautiful heart, beautiful mind, full of great wisdom and warmth. I dunno, maybe I flatter myself unduly with that, but for the sake of argument, let’s say this is the case. How would you ever know the rotten things I’ve said and done to people? Face it, I could be the world’s biggest dick in real life and you’d never know it. Truth is, in this mediated, artificial setting, ego is at its most self-congratulatory, most preening, most self-absorbed, most disingenuously self-glorifying, ever. At least, the opportunity and the temptation for such behaviours are monstrous. This is one arena where they do get magnified and put up for all to see. It takes a sharp intuition to spot it sometimes, and I do my best to be on guard against these things, but sweet mother of jesus, how could I not project a Photoshopped, safely sanitized, self-satisfying image of myself here? And I haven’t even been embroiled in any dick-swinging, snarky online defense/offense dramas (guh).

So what happened over there, and more pertinently, what happened over here just last night (which I also won’t go into; the details suck) drive home a couple of points. One, no one is immune to their shadow. Even the best of us have a dark side that will bite us in the ass every time if we don’t do what it takes to get it under control. That means awareness – constant vigilance – and conscious effort over time. (And if you’re not up to making that happen, universe has its own methods.) Three, no one is the good guy.Not you, nor I, nor anyone. We are simply characters with certain traits, certain dramas happening, and whatever character arc the universe (and we, as co-creators, if we ever get that far) decides.

Identity. It’s what they put on your character sheet. What defines you? Those are your limits. What do you define as “them” as opposed to “us?” Is there a “them?” Not if you really think about it. Grant Morrison talks about this in his excellently thought-provoking, irreverent speech at Disinfo Con. (Thanks to the cobweb-clearing breath of fresh air that is Dedroidify for that post! Saved my ass this morning. Put me some on to magick, too. Which is what, another word for conscious co-creation? At least, on a mechanical level. A thing useful indeed, for those so inclined and sufficiently self-reflecting. I may just avail myself; I think I could use a bit of extramundane help right about now.) Now if you can see everyone and everything as seemingly separate parts of yourself, then you’re doing pretty good, aren’tcha? It’d be nice. Fix up a lot of problems. – Yeah, and when you got real good at it, you could be like Neo, bending the spoon and shit, ’sploding agents, bringing Trinity back to life, seeing all the code, hackin’ the Matrix like nothin’. Yeah. Sweet. I want my Neo shades. Ha-ha.

Anyway. I see all that coming. Or maybe I’ve just drunk the Kool-Aid from all this trendy neo-esotericism, swallowed the hype, got high on wishful thinking. But no, it is possible. I can’t explain why I’m so convinced. I just feel it, deep down. I read about such incredible things beyond the mind-corral of consensus, programmed reality. I have had dreams that haunt me with their beauty and mystery, with their sense of having bled through a veil that separates our world in time and space from a myriad other realities. I know so much more is possible than what the self-styled authorities, the gate-keepers would have us believe. All we have to do is expand our sense of what is possible, of what we have the power to do. That’s not some airy-fairy, feel-good phrase. It means reclaiming what belongs to us, by taking responsibility and owning all the things we’d rather deny about ourselves, the good and the bad. By discovering and saying no to all the energy-draining schemes. By dropping away the false disempowering beliefs we’ve been programmed with. By healing our bodies and minds. By channeling our creativity. By drinking in beauty and facing the ugliness without fear. By intending that our life be a continuous journey of growth and discovery. By flowing with that current, trusting in your heart, your intuition, your inner power, all the uncountable gifts life gives you every day.

I have a weakness for trying to explain shit. Forgive me. I try not to overstep my depth here. I don’t like pretentiousness in others; that probably means I have a bit of it myself, waiting to be made friends with. I’m probably OK. You probably get forgiven a lot more when you don’t take yourself too seriously. That’s the whole thing with narcissism (the primary spiritual affliction of our age, according to John Lash). It means you just gotta get over yourself.

I’m working on it. Doesn’t seem like much progress is being made, but... on the other hand, thinking of where I was ten or twenty years ago... yeah, I’ve made progress. It’s nice to notice these things. So often I get down on myself for not being way the hail up the road a’ready... but lordy, what a relief it is to set down that burden of impossible demands and expectations. That goes for what the world oughta be, too. Adolescent whining and complaining? Such a drag. Just stop, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Now let go. See? You feel better already. Nuttin’ to it.

Stay loose, stay cool, keep your third eye on the prize and the other two on the road. Thank you all for no particular reason, just thanks for bein’ there and for doin’ your thing. It’s all I can ask. Thanks.


P.S. Breaking Bad was fucking awesome in every way. Kudos to all the guys and gals who worked on it; they borned a classic. (I couldn’t think of a title for the post, so I fell back on a Jesse Pinkman-ism and now I'm angsting out over that. Oh boy, I need a break. To do something actually real.)