Limits of an Infinite Self

I dreamed we were in a big house in the city. The view outside the window was cold and grey. An iron wind and a chill fog bleakened the landscape of concrete surfaces and dilapidated apartment buildings. A voice thundered down from above the clouds, a haughty, commanding, authoritarian, utterly unsympathetic voice that would brook no dissent. I recognized the tone: Anunnaki, from Nibiru. They had returned to reclaim real estate Earth from the hands of their renegade son, Marduk -- Satan, King of the World.

"This is the Ship," the voice announced. It commanded that we were to immediately empty our houses into the streets. All belongings and furnishings were to be brought outside. The threat of annihilation should we not comply was strongly suggested. *

If they had been listening for a response, we would have told them to stuff it. As it was, we knew we had very little time. Similar ships, or the same one, had already visited a few cities around the globe. We had heard that the inhabitants had all given in within hours, submitted to the rule of these offworld overlords.

It was time to take stock of our situation, and fast. We had not expected to end up in this situation so early. We felt unprepared. But I knew we had a chance, a fighting chance. We had one ace we could play that would make us immune to their threats and give us the victory, let us finally assert our sovereignty as human beings.

"ARE WE MULTIDIMENSIONAL?" I wrote on the blackboard.

What do we need for that to happen, for us to be capable of tuning in to our true power and  awareness? I listed the requirements on the board: clean diet; clear hearts and minds; full self-knowledge and self-acceptance; karmic bonds released; physical and spiritual dharmic practices honed as one; connection and communion with our inner divine selves, with each other as a group, and with the whole of Nature, cultivated in our everyday life.

We were as ready as we could be.

There was only one more step: we needed to step up and take on what we were. Step into our inheritance. Reclaim what was always ours but we had never dared to believe was ours. Believe. Know. Embody. Enact.

That was our final challenge. And we would do it. We would step up, as one, together with all the pieces of Gaia that shared her spirit and her desire to be free.



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* I grasped intuitively that this was the fear test. They were testing how far they could push us humans, how easily we would be corralled into their new world order by sheer bully tactics. In the real world, this type of tactic will not be used in such a literal fashion! The Anunnaki would prefer to gain our consent through clever deception. Of course, they will always use fear as their fundamental tactic...

Anyway, it was our house, our home, our place, our sanctuary that we'd built over years. God-like technologies or no, they had no more right than anyone else to come barging in and try to make people violate their own homes on their behalf.

Observe what is. Let the chatter and the motion go on as it will. Don't force the stillness. It's there, behind the noise. Like a screen, it shows the movie, and may appear to be the movie if you forget yourself, become hypnotized by the moving picture, the appearance of reality. But if you focus on the screen itself, you may begin to feel the impression of looking into a mirror. Two eyes looking out at two eyes looking back in. Who is this presence? It is yourself. It is pure awareness. It is the only eternal thing; all else is projection, flickering by, frame by infinitesimal frame, each seemingly created and destroyed in turn, yet so fast as to appear continuous. This is the flow of time, which doesn't really flow, because it doesn't really exist, except as a subjective, illusory experience. A dream. Because, after all, what else is there for an infinite, singular awareness to do?

Spirit and matter. Creator and created. We are the confluence of both. Through countless aeons of time, matter organizes itself according to the patterns suggested by Spirit, imprinted upon the aether as spiraling forms of purest, subtlest energy. On the molecular level, a miraculous thing occurs: the omnipresent Spirit retreats almost entirely from view. Matter seems ruled by raw mechanics, blind forces, a chaoarchy of chance and determinism. But the first simple forms of life evolve spontaneously, ubiquitously, wherever a suitable mix of ingredients is present and the conditions allow for it. And so begins the wondrous progression of complexity, from cell to multicell, until entire planets are covered with richly woven tapestries of life, ecosystems interwebbed in a gloriously dynamic order. The underlying patterns of energy inspire an endless variety of forms, periodically transforming as the frequency turns up in quantum shifts that emanate from the hot galactic centers.

We are the next step. The group souls of the animal kingdom, defined at the level of species, begin to differentiate into individual souls, capable of self-reflection. A humanoid form arises. Now begins the most challenging phase, as consciousness bridges the gap from instinctive animal behaviour through to peaceful, space-faring culture. There are other options, too, for those so inclined: realms above and below this plane, reachable after many lifetimes of work at those times when the veil dividing them is briefly parted. It is here, however, that we are able to experience the forces of both heaven and hell in equal measure, according to our choice. In this crucible is forged, from the base material of primitive man, a purer being.




Spirit awakens from its dormancy and becomes a living spark. That flame of the heart, the most noble part of man, guides, enlightens, and sanctifies his being. It will teach him of courage, and beauty, and love, with endless patience so long as it still burns. If he will heed its tutelage, the way will be opened before him and he will walk through the shadows in its flickering light.

Monsters and shades of monsters will threaten. The worst of them will come from within. But no matter how fearsome they may be, they will never be able to destroy the one who guards that precious light in her bosom, though they kill the flesh and feed on the very soul. Many battles will be lost ere the first is won, yet in time the victories will come more easily – or would, but for the ancient law of the worthy adversary and the burden equal to one's strength. All is arranged with a distinct purpose ordained by Spirit, all for the incremental progress of the soul on its chosen path of experience.

And so we come to the crisis point, a time of epic potential. Evils are unleashed that were previously unimaginable. For it is only under the uttermost existential threat that the portion of Spirit that sleeps the deepest may be persuaded to rise up and be counted. But when it does, when the awakening in its fullness at last unfolds, there is no limit to what is possible. From there we go on to a new phase and a new dawn, in which a global humanity, now reunited with its brothers and sisters from afar, begins its incredible journey into the great expansive frontier of the stars.

It is Christmas Day and I am at my grandparents' home here in Kempele, Finland. I have so much to be thankful for; I have received so much. I feel very rich in the things that matter. In a world where so many go hungry, I have enough to eat; where so many live under the threat of violence, I enjoy peace; where so many are lost and confused and afraid, I am able to see far enough to know where I stand, and that there is nothing to fear. Even suffering and death hold no fear for me, for I know that all things, without exception, serve an ultimate purpose which is benevolent. To perceive that purpose ever more clearly, and to align myself with it ever more closely: these are my highest aspirations in this life.

I have truly felt the spirit of Christmas in these past days. It is a spirit that cherishes the people and animals that are near and dear to us. It is a generous spirit; it is a prayerful spirit; it is a joyful spirit; it is a peaceful spirit. For me, this has been a very special Christmas. I sense that the coming year will bring so many changes in the world that we will quite possibly look back on this as, in some ways, the last “normal” Christmas season ever. But what has made it extra special to me is that I have never before comprehended the meaning of Christmas as deeply I do now. Last year at this time I was relatively aloof, having extricated myself from the Christian religious paradigm only that past spring. I was then in a more agnostic frame of mind, caught up in chasing the shadow of truth outside myself. Now I am cultivating a true spiritual connection.

I see the Bible's stories of Jesus as what they are, stories; one can learn much truth from stories if one is only able to discern it. Literalistic interpretation is foolish and useless to me, especially in light of the distortions introduced by those who compiled the collection of writings and called it The One and Only Definitive Word of God. There is no such thing, certainly not in words that can be uttered by the lips or understood by the mind of man.

I cast a few glances at the TV screen today when it was showing the live feed from the Vatican. I paid little attention to what the figurehead was saying, except to chuckle at his mispronunciation of the Finnish Christmas greeting, but I noticed some other, very curious things. The pomp and circumstance, music and marching, all very ritualized. The ornate finery of the clothing worn. The incredibly expensive-looking old buildings. The soldiers, the Swiss guard. It was like a Broadway spectacle, a display of materialistic power. The camera's emphasis (from what I saw) on the soldiers and guards was especially noteworthy: it made me wonder what, exactly, they are protecting. What lies in the vaults of the Vatican? It's not the Pope's life they're really protecting – or, if it is, then they certainly aren't capable of it. I quite enjoyed the symbolism of the random lady knocking him over when I saw it on the news later. No one is "too big to fall!" And many will, I suspect; many in high places are in precarious positions of their own making. Whatever they get, they will have deserved it. Berlusconi, and Bush before him, getting publicly humiliated in a physical way, these incidents are setting a tone. They are not random, they are signs of the times.

Another sign, I think, is the latest Hollywood budget-buster megamovie. Even the title of it is highly significant. The Avatar, whatever shape it may take, is coming. Has been coming. Has arrived, and needs only to awaken. I haven't watched the film yet, and I may or may not go to see it. Everyone seems to be recommending it. I just feel the ticket price is too high for my survival-level budget. The 3-D eye candy alone isn't enough to justify it for me. I care about substance more than style. (wink) But if it's as good as Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, I might rent the DVD sometime. Anyway, the story seems to be a positive one. It's a good counterbalance to the new “V” remake. I don't know anything about extraterrestrial races first-hand, but I favour the notion that the vast majority of them would rather help us than harm us. I'm as convinced as I can be that any overt “alien invasion” scenario that might ever manifest would turn out to be a false-flag operation. But I'm not expecting any such attack to even take place, much less to be successful at hoodwinking all of humanity. We're wising up to the game – those of us who are ever going to wise up, anyway.

I've spent some time lately catching up on a very active thread over at Project Avalon Forums. It's based on intuitively derived and unprovable information, so a grain of salt would be recommended there, but I found it highly interesting nonetheless. Something is indeed brewing, and as far as I'm concerned, it can't happen too soon. Disclosure of the ET presence is a done deal, one way or another, and it would appear to be coming sooner rather than later. The global elites, particularly the most negative ones, are running out of options as far as the economy is concerned. The plan to introduce a world currency based on the same old wealth-sucking, debt-based scheme is the stupidest idea ever. The Wall Street derivative and housing bubbles have mutated into the biggest black hole in history. The best thing we can do is to just return to our senses and realize that we've been caught in a nightmare. All that's needed is to wake up from the ridiculous idea that numbers in a computer necessarily have anything to do with real wealth. Real capital is all around us in abundance. It's raw materials from nature and it's human potential. Knowledge and the application of knowledge. It is also energy and the means to use it. There are two major limiting factors that I can see in our insane economy: the artificial scarcity of money (never mind that they're printing it as fast as they can – the value of what it'll buy is what counts), and the artificial scarcity of energy. Cheap, highly efficient technologies that would threaten the profits of the mostly oil-based energy companies have deliberately been kept out of use for probably a century. With disclosure of the ET presence will come the release of those technologies and a miraculous economic recovery. Did I say recovery? More like rebirth.

Just before I started this little piece, I caught wind of David Wilcock's latest writing, published just in time for Christmas. I haven't read it yet, but I will as soon as I've posted this. I also recommend Les Visible's blog entries for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In fact, I would recommend anything by those two. Not as Gospel Truth, but as more like Chicken Soup for the Awakening Soul. (grin)

The clock just crossed over to the 26th where I am, so I hope you had a good Christmas and wish you all an amazing New Year. We've got a blue moon happening right on New Year's Eve, which is quite fun considering it's a new decade as well. Be well, be at peace, and I'll see you on the other side.

Who am I?

I honestly don't know.

I've got a general idea, though, so I'll get that out of the way first.

I am a bundle of energy. The same fundamental energy that makes up everything in existence, from gross physical matter all the way up to pure enlightened consciousness. This bundle that I experience as being “me” – or, perhaps more precisely, the bundle doing the experiencing, I don't know – vibrates on many planes, in many dimensions, of which I suspect most are more or less hidden from my current mode of awareness. There's an overarching part of me that's outside the whole concept of time, and then there's a bunch of little selves protruding out from that, through the veil, into the temporal realms. From this side of the veil, they might appear to occur at separate points in time, but viewed from the other side, all are simultaneous. They are all my incarnations in physical form. Unfortunately, the only one of them about which I consciously know anything is the one doing the writing here and now. He is, I'm afraid, only a very limited expression of who I truly am. A pitifully blind, foolish, and faulty being compared to the fullness of his unimaginably more evolved, timeless “future” self.

(Staying on this side of the veil for convenience, I use the terms “past” and “future” in their conventional sense.)

Having thus briefly established the general context, I am now left with only a puzzling series of clues as to my soul origin and my reasons for incarnating here at this time.

The first clue is that very little in this world of man's creation makes sense to me. I struggle to understand why the power centers of this world are dominated by psychopaths. I struggle to understand why the people tolerate being ruled by psychopaths whose greatest goal is to create a social system antithetical to freedom, hostile toward all things good and pure and true and natural. I struggle to understand the senseless violence and cruelty and destruction visited by humans upon those whom (and that which) they ought to love and cherish and protect. I struggle to understand the petty, selfish, manipulating ways of so many people.

The best explanation I've been able to come up with for all this is that Earth, in this age, is a tough, tough school. A “free-will free-for-all,” where these things have been allowed to develop because nobody is going to come along and fix them for us. They're not allowed to, even if they'd like to. This planet is the way it is because we, collectively, have made it that way through our free will. All it takes is a small minority of truly evil beings, left unchecked, to transform paradise into the pit of hell. We allowed these people to come along and slowly subvert our systems and our values. We're the ones that gave 'em the green light, when we went along to get along, didn't stop and say “Hey, this isn't okay.” We did that because most of us were too busy with all of our little preoccupations in life. We weren't paying attention. We ignored the signs they waved in our faces. And, quite frankly, we weren't grown up enough to take responsibility. Our history is mostly a history of adult children. Earth humans, on the whole, just haven't been very mature. We've been obsessed with the needs of our egos, and we've spread our disease over the whole earth. Hence, we suffer, and we pass that suffering on from generation to generation.

Now how is this a clue?

Well, my intuition has told me, and my readings up and down the Interwebs have indicated, that Earth is in transition from an age of darkness to an age of light. This is a common thread through so many different prophecies that it's hard to believe otherwise if you put any stock in such things. Of course, one must always employ the good old-fashioned reality check with such matters. As it turns out, I do see the signs of that happening in the real world. I certainly don't believe in any storybook climactic battle or any human revolution of the kind we've seen before. I do believe that change is happening in uncountable ways, large and small, from the mundane to the cosmic. The evidence is there if you just look for it.

So I chose to incarnate at this time of transition. I, who feel so strongly the desire for a better world, am, in my own small way, a part of making that better world manifest. If you have the same desire in your heart, then you are a part of it, too. :)

That assisting, supportive role is, I'm sure, a big part of the reason I came here. But how, specifically, am I supposed to fulfill it?

The best answer I have at the moment is, in whatever way I can.

I'm sure a large portion of my work here is done without my even being terribly aware of it. Just by holding my energy in a physical body, participating in the collective consciousness of Earth humanity, going through my own inner process of becoming, and touching the lives of those around me, I am helping.

I've worked at a lot of different jobs in my time here, most of them menial and some more obviously “service to others”-oriented, some less, but none of them have especially said to me, “this is what you're here to do.” They've all simply been learning experiences and ways to earn my bread. At the moment, I hail from the deep ranks of the unemployed. For my next job, I hope to deliver the mail.

If you were to ask me what my best talents are, I'd probably say writing and building my own creations out of LEGO. The former I am just about passable at, and the latter is simply the end result of a prolonged childhood hobby cum artistic pursuit which I am now apparently in the process of leaving behind (but not before I finish a few final works in progress, heh heh). I daresay neither is a realistic career-driver. I'd rather do those things on my own terms, for my own reasons, than subject to the demands of a market, anyway.

I haven't confirmed this, but I've been told (post-initiation) that I have an especially powerful ability to channel reiki. I'm pretty sure reiki isn't bull, because I've felt its effects several times. One of my former employers had a natural ability, which she demonstrated on me. I didn't even know what she was doing, but I suddenly felt like I was burning up from the inside. All she'd done was hold her hands over my shoulders. So that was definitely something real. And if I can develop that “talent” in myself, I'm sure it will be a good way for me to serve humanity in the future. (Besides, I really like the idea of what reiki is supposed to be: a sort of loving, intelligent life-force energy that replenishes and balances the energy centers of the body, bringing healing, peace, and vitality to both patient and healer. :) I'm sure science will one day explain it, and my mind will be glad when it does, but I'm satisfied with just the touchy-feely understanding of it, too. It's one of those things, I guess, that you have to experience for yourself to truly understand.)

Obviously, since I mentioned writing, that is one way I can be of service. I've actually had a couple of “guidance” dreams that seemed to underline the idea that I should keep a blog like this one. So here we are with that. Yay!

I won't get into the things I've learned about myself and my life purpose from numerology or Mayan astrology here, because this entry is long enough already. Maybe another time.

OK, so much for what I'm supposed to be doing here. (Besides the obvious life purpose of gaining experience and using it to grow, I mean.) But now I'm left with the hardest puzzle of all: where the heck am I from?

The short answer is, I don't know and I don't think it really matters at this point. On the other hand, I'm dying to find out. Is it inner Earth? Jupiter? Arcturus? The Pleiades? Sirius? Andromeda? Cassiopaea? Orion? Just throwing out names, lol. It could be any one of these, or none. I don't feel a special affinity toward any star system, species, or channeled group. I'm just “me,” plain and simple. But I must have been “somewhere else” in recent past lives, because even our very 3-D physicality seems so quaint and painfully limiting to me. (haughty voice) “Where I come from, you know, we have telepathy and instant teleportation.” Or something like that. (grin)

The question of my so-called “soul origin” remains open. I'm open to clues, but I'm not very hopeful, either. I think if I knew, I'd run the risk of identifying too strongly with some off-planet past, and distract and distance myself from where I am now. Because for now, I am one of the ones I came here to help. I'm as much an Earth human as anyone else here. It's the only way I could do what I'm supposed to do. And you know what? If a friendly stranger offered me a ride in their spaceship, I might be tempted... but I don't think I'd get on board. In this life, my place is here, among these fallen souls who I call my brothers and my sisters. I, along with all the others like me, am in this with them. Together we'll make what happens, happen. And “the Lord and all his angels” shall be with us. :)