The Divine Other




"See her as she is..."

You look. At her. You look.

Look.

See.

Do not project, do not remake her in your image,

Just See.

There. And there. And there. And there.

Look closer.

See the fineness, the microscopic detail. Every little hair lit up by the sun. Lines on her skin like fractal webs.

Look. Focus! Look deeper. Here and there. All over.



"There's someone in there..."

A Mystery. A long-forgotten Other.

The Other you've been searching for, without knowing what it was you sought.

Not your Self. You may have mistakenly believed yourself to have been seeking your Self. But no, it was not the Self you truly sought.

It was the Other.

The banished Other.

The disowned Other.

The denied Other.

The unknown, unfelt, unseen, unheard, untasted, unsmelled, Other.

The not-understood Other.

The betrayed and the betrayer, Other.

The unreconciled Other.

The unexplored, unencountered Other.

The wounder and the wounded, Other.

The one who had forgotten you, and whom you had forgotten.

The One who is your Self, apart.

Viewed from outside. Viewed as separate.



"Her eyes!"

They open.

They look. Back at you.

A deep, a beautiful Eye like a jewel, like night. Just for you.



"Self, seeing the Divine Other."

"You are Self, looking at Divine Other in me. I am Self, looking at Divine Other in you."


You see her as she is, just as she really is.

You know her as she is, just as she truly is.

You love her as she is, just as she really is.

You tell her so in like words.

You enjoy her, so much!

You never thought there could be so much to take in of her.

You delight in her, in her warm, close presence.

Her foibles and idiosyncrasies,

Her warts and crooked bits,

Her weaknesses and imperfections,

They are just dressing on the Soul.

The she you see is a flesh-and-blood creature.

It's not Her as She is.

She looks  t h r o u g h  her "self" at you, but She is behind the self.

She is the Divine Other.

The one you love.

The one you lost.

The one you've found again.



"I've found you!"

Oh, delicious Knowing!

The *seeming* Other!

Just the One, experiencing itself by way of the "Other."

A game of recognition.

Gnosis. Knowing.

Through unknowing, to Knowing.

It's the One you came here to see.

It is She. In her is the One.

She is the One for you.

She shows you the One, as its unique and personal expression.

She. Is the One. For you.

Her pleasure and her joy are your delight.

Your passion has been flaring up the entire time.

This passion, this pleasure, this ecstasy,

Of Being with the Other.

Of Knowing, and Feeling, through Love, on all the levels of body, heart, mind and soul.

Not hallucinating, not inwardly involved.

But open. And trusting. And intimate.

And you give her yourself, you give her yourself, you give her yourself.

And all that you are is hers. And she gives you the same gift in return, gives herself to you to Love.



"This is Love!"

It is a torrent of feeling, an ever-dancing wind of possibility and power, an exquisite ecstasy of seeing and being seen, of pleasuring and being pleasured.

An ever-opening lotus flower, the joy of an ever-expanding Knowledge of the Other and the Self.

A free and light and easy joy that permeates every thought, word, and deed.

You treat her like you would want an Other to treat you.

You tell her what you would need to hear, if you were in her place.

You consider her side equally with your side.

You honour and respect her.

This is how you play the game!



"And we are in Gaia, with Gaia..."

You are in Gaia, with Gaia, both together in the dream of Gaia.

In Kali's Game....



She has woken you up.

Now you must awaken her.

She saw you before you saw into her and saw Her.

She loved you before you learned to love her.

Her love allowed you to make your leap of faith, now yours must help her to find her wings.

She has awakened you, and now it is your turn to awaken Her.



See her as She is.

That is the beginning. The rest will follow.

Christ on the Solar Throne

The message of Easter, streaming to us from Galactic Central Source Being via Les Visible:
http://www.visible-radio.com/2013/04/31-march-2013.html 
 
 


 
"Because we are not ourselves capable of truly great love, we do not comprehend how the divine can have such a love for us. We don't see ourselves as we really are. This is a problem, because what we really are is the same as that which we do not comprehend. If we are aspiring to an enduring relationship with that force, then it stands to reason that we will be put through everything that is necessary to make that happen. Don't tell the Almighty you want to come into his presence unless you're willing to let go of everything that stands in the way of that. God plays for keeps.

Today we recognize -- those of us who are capable of it -- the triumph of the light over all temporal darkness. The darkness put the vessel of Light to death and the Light rose up from the dead, more powerful than all the forces that resist it. Now whatever the truth might be about the life of Jesus Christ, the reality of Jesus Christ, in terms of what he represents, is real. However the same story, however it has been portrayed and told, it has simply been done for the convenience of the times in which it occurred, so as to be understandable to those meant to witness and to hear about it.

Some of us are too smart for our own good. We consider all these things fables, something that it is beneath us to believe in. We're all rational and well-informed. We know far too much for our own good, and a large portion of it is quite likely not even true. God is real. I'm not sure about anything else, but I'm sure of that.

If you persist in seeking God, you will find God. That is a given. You can't concern yourself about how long it will take, or what you might have to go through. It will be OK, and far, far better than it would have been, had you gone another way.

Consider this simple exercise of logic: God possesses and owns everything. God is greater in power than all other powers gathered together. God not only owns everything, but can bestow any and all of them on you at any time, and equip you to properly enjoy and appreciate them. That's a biggie. The Divine can also determine what is best for you, when it is best for you, and protect you from things you think you want, but will be far, far better off without. This is one of the things about samskaras and personal illusions..."
 
Direct audio link.

A Personal Love, with Purpose


A friend shared this poem on facebook. I found validation and encouragement in these words. My beloved wife gives so much meaning, fulfillment, and purpose to my life. We transform each other and hasten each other's growth. She is the key to my path, heaven-sent. I am in awe of the loving, intelligent power and intent behind every move, every new horizon, every challenge and resolution, every fear confronted and conquered, every unfolding revelation and expansion of living love, wisdom and empowerment that comes through my being with her. There are no words to express my wonderment and gratitude at this holy, ever-happening gift....





 If You Want to Change the World, Love a Woman


If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.
Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…
Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

 
If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.
Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.

 
If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.
Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.

 
If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.
Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.
What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.

 
If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman .
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.

 
If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.

 
If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.
The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.
What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?

 
If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.


 
- Lisa Citore

Children of Gaia, Godselves in Chains

I spoke earlier about the human form as a vehicle for 3D experience. Today I want to expand on those thoughts, with a view toward the possibility of realizing our human potential.

What we are, physically, happens on many levels, mostly invisible to the five senses. The body we can see and touch is a miraculous manifestation, a supersystem comprising order of such stupendous ingenuity and elegance, that we can scarcely comprehend it. This body, a product of billions of years of self-organizing, emergent, intelligent evolution, is our gift from Gaia, born of her substance, itself a mere cell in her vast planetary corpus. No matter where in the heavens we may come from as conscious souls, we are her children, wrapped in her motherly embrace, sustained by her cycles of life in a biosphere enormously rich and complex. What our function is within the context of our Earth-mother's evolution, is a mystery ripe for examination. (The works of John Lash are a potent guidebook for exploring this most timely field of thought, and the implications for human action.)

As Earth-mother evolves, so do we evolve. But this is not a linear process. From the evidence I've been able to survey, across a minute selection of the information available, humanity seems to go through phases of de-evolution as much as, or perhaps even more than, the other way around. I surmise that these regressive trends toward decay and diminishment are the backdrop against which a select subset of individuals endure as keepers of a more noble humanity, seeking a way forward past the inevitable crisis point when the accumulated mass of toxic, backed-up waste is expelled. These humans become the progenitors of the next phase.

It seems to me that whatever seed of entropy is within us, it will always grow to its fullest extent just before the harvest. I venture to say, in the words of Les Visible, that this is "for the purpose of demonstration." It needs to come out to be recognized and dealt with. It's up to us as individuals whether we want to do that, and when. For true humans, our soul impulse (whether we know it or not) is toward divinity. Recalcitrant denial of this impulse leads to spiritual darkness and enslavement. Which, lo and behold, is what surrounds us.

Who is responsible? What evil force keeps trying to drag us down? One idea stands out. Cameron Day refers to them as "ankle biters," a humorous term for the energy parasites whose survival depends on making humans give off negatively charged emotional energy. Fourth-density Service-to-Self beings, in Law of One terms. Negative thoughtforms that take on a "life" of their own, provoking us to perpetuate the same reactive mental loops that spawned them. To them, we're food: a big ol' loosh farm.

The good news is, whatever power they appear to have, originates with us. Ergo, we are responsible. Our expansion into higher realms of being predicates that we become conscious of our own energy use, that we master our lower impulses. If we do not, our dear little archon friends will be more than happy to keep us company right here at Restaurant de ThreeDeeLandia's all-you-can-eat buffet.

How can such mastery be attained? By self-observation. By self-healing. By service to others. By cultivating empathy, joy, humility, appreciation, humour, understanding, forgiveness, gratitude, caring, cooperation, creativity, sensitivity, connection, and awareness. By heeding the lessons of life. By letting go, by freeing the mind, by remembering to Be. By calling upon the aid of higher forces of pure loving light. By owning one's own power of creation.

"All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. [...] We are the imagination of ourselves." - Bill Hicks

What are we, as embodied humans, but a multilayered, interconnected series of nested patterns of flowing energy? The chakras and meridians give us a rough map. Harmoniously ordered, free-flowing patterns indicate good health. Disrupted, chaotic patterns indicate disease. An increase in our total energy available increases our vitality. It may also make it possible to activate previously dormant sub-patterns, resulting in a flowering of even extraordinary latent abilities and senses. Energy responds to thought, belief, emotion, and intent. With a sustained, single-minded focus of intent and action, we are capable of doing and becoming just about anything.

It is the hijacking of this human ability to create, by entropic, black-hole vampires, that has brought to us the entirety of this stifling prison of the false self which we now inhabit. We did it to ourselves, bit by bit. Outmatched, deceived and manipulated all the way... but here we are still. We have lost nothing, only gained invaluable experience. That which we call "evil" has, in spite of itself, done us a great service. It has provided the resistive force against which our spiritual mettle has been tested. Brought to this pale shade of our true existence, with just the first glimmers of awakening begun, we are wiser, more sober, more compassionate. We know where we are going. And we will get there. Helped by others, helping others.

May you find peace, and may the infinite tenderness of the living water of light bear you beyond all sorrow and pain.

My love,
William

Next Up: The Fall of Barad-Dur?

Lying in bed on the night of the twelfth of December, I realized, with a start, that the long-anticipated Mayan calendar end date was truly just a matter of days away. A tangibly approaching point in real time, as concrete as my plans for that pre-Christmas weekend. A sobering thought. I felt compelled to prepare.

I needed information. Direct from source, not somebody else's idea or theory, or supposed revelation. Something to make sense of it for myself. Just for me.

I relaxed into a light trance. I held the question in my mind: "What is the significance of this date?"

As much as possible, I was empty of thought, without expectations or preconceptions, open to whatever might come through. And something did.

I saw a ring, a torus. A portal or gateway in space. (Time-space?) I knew that it was the gate we were to pass through on that day. In one side and out the other, through the doughnut-hole. It felt significant, like passing through a zero point from negative to positive. I had a sense that this was the beginning of a new cycle....







Interpretation

As I mulled this over, I felt convinced that, outwardly, nothing much out of the ordinary would occur. The change was too subtle for our gross perception. Nonetheless, it was a crucial change. Like switching off the current that empowers darkness to hold sway in our world.

Now that I think of it, much like the moment when the One Ring was destroyed...



So all that keeps the engines of darkness running now, is residual momentum... All they can do is expend their remaining energy in a final display of defiance...

The spiritual and natural laws are still in place. Darkness, in its last hour on the stage, will do everything it can to steal our energy, just as before. Only now, its doom is a fait accompli. We are left to deal with its fruits, roots, and manifestations, within and without, for a lifetime to come. But the victory is already won. This is my feel. There is a lightness, a levity, a detached serenity when encountering karmic drama, a core certainty that everything is turning out as it should, and that heaven on earth awaits. Staying the course is my watchword. Doing my part, and letting universe unfold.

This message was for me, and I'm grateful for all that's taking place now. This isn't about me trying to be a guru or prophet, it's about sharing a subjective data point for whoever might be interested. I humbly encourage anyone who wonders about the import of these times to look around you with an open and questioning mind, and particularly to go within. Do the self-work, do what you can in the world. We've got a lot of work to do, and it's up to us to smell the roses as we go, to be a little more kind and appreciative every day, to not lose ourselves when things are shitstorming out of our control. All is well, my friends. We are the ones we've been waiting for. This is our time, and we'll see it through together.

Aloha! And all the best to you in the new year!

The Journey Continues



Hello again!

After months away, I put myself on the spot, to try to bring forth words that might hold some meaning relevant to the occasion. A summing up of the past year? What happened? I got older, certainly. Hit my first Saturn Return.

"Youth is wasted on the young." What does that mean? Did I waste my youth? Did I not make the most of my time while I had more freedom to do as I wished? (Yes and no. Realistically... no.)

Freedom. One of those words so poorly understood, and a thing so rare to experience when one's mind is shackled to its own limiting ideas. "None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe that they are free." "Fate is written in the cards we are dealt, destiny manifests in how we play them." "Everything is under control." "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

But truth is hard. It's not comfortable or convenient to us, as creatures of desire and fear. It takes experience, as served to us by a phenomenon we could think of as "Dungeon Master of the Universe," to get us to assimilate those truths we would rather hide from.



"Enlightenment is a destructive process." Light, objective awareness, undoes illusion so that what is can be perceived at a higher level of truth, understood from a more complete perspective. It is a peeling away and dismantling of the layers obscuring and distorting reality. What is, is. The more we become aware of what is, the more our barriers break down, our buffers collapse, our lies deflate and our conflicts come to resolution. This could not be otherwise, for the energy these patterns consume becomes too great in the presence of a growing awareness of what is. So we let go, we stop feeding them. Truth remains, self-existing. The burden of falsehood no longer hinders us. Our ghosts and mirages no longer lead us in fruitless circles.



But there are no circles, only spirals. Life is a continuous fractal wave, vibrating in all possible dimensions, one single energy flowing through all patterns. There is only one. All patterns evolve in a collective interdependence, unfolding according to their nature. Human beings are a type of pattern. But what defines human?




Form? Humanoid a morphogenic template suited to a particular class of experience in physicality. Probably ubiquitous throughout the cosmos. Thousands of strains, millions of races, maybe. Who knows? All kinds of souls incarnate in human form. The whole spectrum of which could be represented here on Earth at this time, all with the same DNA template. Along with a number of non-souled human vehicles, serving other purposes... who knows?

Being human here is like being in a massively multiplayer, live-action roleplaying game a sandbox. "We're all here to do what we're all here to do." You get your avatar when you're born, astrologically and genetically made to order for the type of experience you're going for, pre-loaded with your karmic imprint from previous lifetimes. You've got your soul family that you stick with inside the game and out, and you all agree to help each other along. Of course, there are levels to the gameplay, each with its own possibilities and challenges.... "Choose your own adventure." Be aware, else stumble and err, for snare upon snare awaits the unaware. So we learn and go on.

Some of us are playing at a more advanced level. Doesn't mean they're any better as individuals probably they've just been at it longer than others, had more opportunity to gather experience. Probably spent time on other locales previous to coming here. They've honed specific skills, served and stumbled here in prior lifetimes, in preparation for the greatly enhanced opportunity offered by this time, extended to all beings incarnate here now.



The time of harvest. The turning of the age. A summing up, a great reckoning, a day of judgment that will see us all heading to wherever it is we're going from here. Your direction forward determined by who you've become, by your choices and by your heart's desire. Ultimately, by divine will, by the perfect wisdom resident in every atom, every cell, and every human being. The core of who we are, the inner dwelling-place of truth, our radiant living essence, knows exactly what is meant to happen, in accordance with the whole of existence. The separate mind cannot fathom such truth; it sees aimless chaos in direct relation to its degree of separation. Disappointment is its lot, after the fleeting sense of fulfillment that passes every time it satisfies another want.



The true "I" wants for nothing. It is already home, forever complete, forever at peace. It is the integration of Truth that leads to the knowing of this permanent "I": the fount of wisdom, the source of eternal joy, the wellspring of happiness, the author of infinity, the limitless Being, the all-knowing Love that permeates creation, the animating principle of Life itself. We are meant to enjoy full communion with it; it is our forgetting sleep that keeps us seemingly cut off, unaware of its presence. Our immersive identification with the unreal, the imaginaerum, this dream become nightmare in the dark age before the dawn, consumes us.



Be not afraid. There is nothing to harm you here. All is experience, a continuous evolution of experience. The self creates itself. It sees its own reflection. This is the mechanism behind soul evolution. It's what you do with it, and the quality of your awareness, that determines what you experience. Where do you want to go? Do you even know? Unknowing can lead to tragedy: the falling away, the path of destruction. The inverted path, where everything is reversed. Trajectory into disease, distortion, dysfunctional dynamics. Domination-subjugation. Deprivation and predation. Dependency and despair. Limitation and loss. It's a loop we all go through, on some level. But it, too, takes us forward. When we become aware. When we awaken. The detour is another adventure, another opportunity to see. We go deeper and deeper until we do begin to see. The phantom attraction fades and our discontent draws us toward the light. The longing grows within us to return. Home beckons us once again. This happens again and again and again.





It's the enchantment.

It's the game.

There was never anything else.

Only us.

Only Love.

We pretended... and we forgot.

Why did we forget?

Oh my God! I am so sorry! I am so sorry for the game.

But we came back.

We came back, and we remembered.

And here we are.

We won.

We always win.

We always come back.

And we forget.

Every time, every time, every time we forget.

Oh my God! Why do we always forget?

Please remember!

Please remember this!

It's the Why.

It's the Reason we are here.

It is What. We. Are.

It's the Love!

It's the Love!

It's the Love!

Please, don't forget.

Please, remember.

You must remember this.

It's the Love.

You must carry it with you, this Love, this Truth, inside you.

You know.

You know.

You know it in your heart.

And your heart will always guide you back.

That spark will guide you back. To remember.

Don't believe the lie.

All this madness. It is a lie! It is illusion.

But the lie will lead us back.

When we see the lie for what it is: not Truth.

Not Truth, it cannot satisfy.

We begin to seek, we begin to question.

And when we seek, we find.

The Truth.

That we are here.

And we have always been here.

In Love, sweet Love!

I Love you, I Love you, I Love you forever!

And you are not you, and I am not I, apart.

But we are One.

You and I, just the One.

Always.

Third eye mystic cross concept

In the course of my unrelenting journey through this time we share, I've been at a place where there's all too much to say, and nothing at all. Time is an exacting mistress; mine has given me other things to do. But now, for a moment, I'm here, grateful for the opportunity to say a few words, if they'll be given.

I don't know much about what's going on in the world these days. I hear things, but not enough to get more than a vague picture. Apocalypse is still picking up steam, showing clearer signs of its effects, but it still seems to be holding out for the right time to let loose. Which is fine with me. I've got all I can handle right here, and then some.

Interesting times. Last night, I seemed to get some kind of ajna upgrade. First I heard a tone in my right ear that was different from any I'd gotten earlier: more musical and alive. I relaxed into a flow of mental imagery which took on an immersive quality that I hadn't experienced before. The detail and resolution were cranked up to about the maximum I've been able to see, but now it was all in three dimensions, extending above, below, and to the sides. I had no visible body to occlude the view. I was on some kind of waking trip inside my mind's eye, exploring spaces that didn't all seem entirely of my own making.

Some element of guidance or transmission seemed involved in one case. I saw a temple, shaped like a Christian cross. It was some level of myself, symbolically. It was like a computer-generated schematic, very layered and complex, with different layers and elements alternately coming into view and disappearing. There were three gates, one at each of the short ends of the cross. One for love, one for power, and one for wisdom. It seemed that I was meant to enter all three simultaneously. Each was guarded by an adversary that could only be made to dissolve into base nothingness by completely embodying and rightly applying the one of these three divine qualities.

At the center of the temple, embedded within many subtle layers of structure, was an egg-shaped cocoon of light. This contained a human form in fetal position, head facing downwards to the long passage. It was the home of absolute peace and calm and stillness, from whence all else is a passing deviation. This peace is the treasure for which I yearn, and which gives one the strength to endure any trial. It is absolute and unshakeable.

I can only speculate as to what meaning this all has. Perhaps it was only a fanciful creation based on my intuitive, partial understanding of certain principles. It would seem logical to assume that the long portion of the temple represents a sort of root or anchor to source, as well as a passageway into something beyond the anthropic stage of being.


(A Google image search turned up the drawing above. The web page it comes from seems potentially of interest. Not having read it through, I make no claims regarding any of the content.)

That's all I have time for at the moment. I hope to return here with more to share before the year is out. Peace out to you, my brothers and sisters. Godspeed, and may your journey home be swift and true. Love, William

Ideal vs. Actual, True vs. Real

I am an idealist. I generally believe in the ideal, for better or for worse, as an actual thing, somewhere out there, existing, even attainable, given enough time. Faith and endurance, if anything, are what will bring the ideal into actuality. But, if absolute perfection is the ideal, then we can approach it forever and never actually get there. To what degree, then, must a thing be perfect, if it is to be ideal?  (And if we can't get there, is it still worth trying? I'd say, regardless of whether you're a realist or an idealist, the answer ought to be yes.)

I suppose the problem with idealism stems from the fact that each of us has a different idea(l) in mind when we speak of ideals. Ergo, conflict arises between those with contradictory ideals. But this is only a problem if we take the relativist view, the subjective view of individual humans. Two problems: the realist either denies the existence of the ideal (due to lack of evidence for it in perceived reality), or, allowing its existence in hypothesis, claims that we cannot conceive of it ourselves, because it is beyond our (believed, and thus perceived) nature.

We are the imagination of ourselves.

Yes, I've noticed....

The one who perceives only the appearances of the conditions of this world will insist that the ideal is not a realistic goal, given how far it is from reality. But for one who believes in it, it can be the only goal. Where the two may reach balance is if the idealist takes each realistic goal as a temporary, short-term goal, as a step, on the way to the final goal.


(Which, remember, can't ever be reached!)

(And doesn't exist!!!)

Human fallibility – of course! is what gums it all up in practice. As you can imagine. Look at the world. See? But wait, now, if you look closer, if you give it time, if you listen, if you're open – you will see signs that the better nature in the human spirit lives on. The desire for harmony, peace, mutual prosperity (our ideals?). For learning and growth as well. (The process!) The realist and the idealist can come together and help make progress, if they choose. And the more so according to the degree to which their realism or their idealism is pure – that is to say, true.


Undistorted. Holistic. Integral. Free of dogma.

Knowledge-based or faith-based.

Good so far. But what about life in the moment? What about life as an evolving, individual soul? What is the ideal for ourselves? And how can we deal with the pitfalls of idealism in the personal arena, in how we relate to self and others?

Idealism and realism, both like pits full of shit until the light of awakening consciousness does its work on them. Each has its “pitfalls.”

Somnambulant (spiritually asleep) realists may believe that what they see and sense, and that alone, is real. They often overestimate their own objectivity. They disdain imagination (the greatest tool we have) and the sense of wonder (our bringer of miracles), and so bring upon themselves a restricted field of possibilities, and much drudgery. The solutions to these are implicit in their presentation.

The undeveloped idealist is the worst sort of daydreamer. Never achieves anything, never satisfied with anything – and if they're satisfied, it's only because they're so indifferent, because they're either living in their own world of ideals and daydreams, or they've given up hope of ever achieving it. The lack of hope, of the desire to improve, of the will to serve, are equally stifling as they would be in the realist. These are signs of a faithless idealist, one who has not the courage of their convictions or the spine enough to act on them.

Here's an imagined dialogue between two somewhat more evolved individuals.

Realist: What are you doing?
Idealist: I'm meditating on my vision of perfection.
R: While doing... what... for real?
I: Well, uh... I could tell you about this vision, for real.
R: Oh. OK. And, when you're done, I can tell you about some suggestions I have, based on my own observations, about how to improve things around here in the present moment.

So the true, positive, conscious realist does have an ideal toward which they strive – it's just... a direction, more than any particular idea. An increment of perfection. Reaching in time for whatever betterness is within reach. There is no thought of a final perfection, or an absolute. The existence of either is debatable, and hardly relevant anyway. It's a very practical way to see and live. And, at its best, open-ended. Trust in the process leads to good destinations.

The mature idealist is realistic enough to know just how far they are from being able to imagine a perfect ideal. Realistic enough to set their practical ideals within practical reach. But yet faithful enough to believe, still, that perfection exists in the Heart of All, and, subjectively at least, in the Realm of Pure Ideas. The Heart of All, of course, is no-where and no-when. It is beyond manifestation, it is the source of the manifest. All manifest beings and manifest realities reflect degrees and variations of the Heart, n-dimensional bytes and slices of an infinite-dimensional matrix of possibility, all rooted in the zero point of perfection where all is equally possible, if not equally distant.

It is that discouraging distance from perfection, the wide gap and heavy contrast between the observed and the imagined, that trouble this young idealist so often. I speak of myself. I am troubled when I look upon the content of my character as observed by the consciously observing, neutral part of me, outside the box of ego.

The I!

The Eye?

And I compare it to what I imagine I could be and should be. What I want to be. The differences would fill volumes.

But... my instrument of observation is not neutral; it produces distortions. It contains judgments and is subject to strict limitations. So what I think I observe is not even necessarily close to objective reality..!

 Accuracy, precision, frequency bandwidth, field of view, focus, lens: the variables in forming a picture of what is, or what appears to be.

Accuracy suffers from judgment; judgment is relative to perspective; only the whole perspective gives whole accuracy. So when I judge myself, and I do so harshly, I see myself in a distorted light.

Precision comes with a more refined degree of complexity (higher resolution) of the consciousness doing the observing. Frequency bandwidth, I won't discuss, because the dynamics are too involved beyond the scope of this article... but “scope” is indeed the next variable, aka. field of view. Which is what gives us a context to understand and comprehend the relative nature, the function, the necessity, the genius, the beauty, and the purpose of a part within the greater whole.

Focus: the area into which consciousness concentrates its energies. How well you can focus determines the intensity of your picture. What you focus on, grows. First inside you, then around you appear the results.

Lens: your state of being. Dirty and dark, or clear and bright? Fearful... or loving? Chaotic, conflicted, confined... or harmonious, unified, expansive? Divided by judgment, or reconciled by understanding and acceptance? Connected or cut off? Strong or weak? You can choose your state of being, if you remember the part of you that chooses it – become the part of you that is it.

The totality of you – IS perfection. It is what is: the ideal and the actual, the true and the real.

Let your most beautiful ideal inspire you to act within the real. Let your innermost knowing of who you are guide you. Create your experience of yourself by choosing what to be. Imagine yourself as God, and know that the form you take here is just a little piece of that. It doesn't matter how imperfect we seem to be; we are part of a grander perfection in a grander scheme than we can dream of. You, the far-from-ideal, pathetic little human with all your faults and weaknesses, can no more sully the perfection that is God than you can erase your own eternal existence as God.

We lament when our dreams fall by the wayside, or shatter painfully, or torture us, or turn out to be hollow, or morph into nightmares. But where would we be without the Dream? We are the Dream: these characters we play and the stories we make. We each express our own Ideal,

our own vibration of God,

on its long journey to self-discovery and self-realization. That is what this is about. We're works in progress. Maybe there is no destination, no beginning and no ending. Maybe this is just an ever-changing Dream of Who We Are, Who We Think We Are, Who We Are Becoming, and Who We Wish To Be.

Timor Dinosaurus


[The following is a fictional adaptation of a totally natural, very minor, and definitely un-weird experience. ;-) Or alternatively, you may think of it as the narrative of the Fool, caught in the delirium he deems reality...]



I recently had a soul flashback, a sudden awakening, to a deep, dim racial memory encoded in the oldest parts of our mitochondrial DNA. I remembered the nature of dinosaurs. Part of me almost became a dinosaur, channeling the energy of dinosaur-ness, across the vast evolutionary gulf that divides our lineages. I felt the coarse, primitive instincts of that colder, duller, fiercer and more ancient race of sentients that once, for so long, held dominion over the earth. After a tiny flutter of dismay, curiosity won me over - I observed these energies, embodied and amplified in this part of myself engaged in re-membering. I went through, subjectively as my own, the looming ancient forbears of what are, in us today, reduced into core-level functions, esoteric vestiges and mere latent potentials in our farther-evolved patterns of consciousness. Through this experiencing came empathy, acceptance, and the reconciliation that comes with finally understanding a previously alien other.

As I continued re-membering, I was hit with another flashback – this one more jarring, vivid and fearsome and immediate as it was. Much closer on the tree of life, on the very branch from which we descend: I remembered what it was to be a wee mammal in those times. What it was to cower before these mountainous, overwhelming, thunderous beasts; to fear these cold-blooded giants above any other creature; to subsist in the meagre cracks afforded by the world of our aloof, antagonistic superiors. They were lords and titans; we a newborn race – hardly able to survive, much less challenge their rule, which only followed from the unsympathetic laws of that lower animal nature.


As I watched and felt, I saw the dynamic between our two orders change, over the millions of years they shared the planet. There was a gradual shift from enmity toward acceptance. The dinosaurs' initial vicious hatred and xenophobia toward us, gave way to a mild sort of antipathy and resentment, to mere annoyance, to grudging acceptance, and finally, as we gained in strength, to scattered stirrings of respect for such a longtime, worthy evolutionary opponent – all ending in the Great Time of Transition, with the decline of the dinosaur clan: the cosmic culmination and phasing out of that great, awful, and awesome form of being.


They died and were raised up again, the harvest together with the mulch, passing through the accelerating event horizon of chaos, to emerge in a new world order in the form of birds and lizards. Post-apocalypse, we mammals rushed to fill a larger world with a new cast of primaries... including, eventually, the primates...

The gift in this small glimpse was to be able to see, acknowledge, understand, forgive, bless and release these very deep traumas and conflicts within us: to process, integrate, and transcend that collective karma. It's all part of the Great Work. Those of us engaged in it, do it on behalf of God and Goddess, in service to the sun, the planet, the human species, our soul groups, and our many selves in parallel realms of the universe.

And I realize that all of it, all my interpretation, only reflects how I see myself!

That all my judgments are illusions born of the sense of separation that I bear.

How much clearer
and more blessed a quality
would these things bear for me,
if I saw and if I felt them
with the eyes and with the heart
of love!

But I do see it,
now I do see it

all, perfect.

Once Upon a Scorpio New Moon


I got up this morning with a curse on my lips. “Vittu! – Damn!” I looked at the time – 1:11 pm. Number sightings.... I didn't know how long I'd lain awake, slogging through the knee-deep muck of my brain, stuck in the same quality of thought that I'd gone to bed with: the new perceptions I'd had revealed to me by the action of last night's Scorpio New Moon. I hadn't resisted; there would have been no point. I knew I'd been stagnating spiritually for some time, so I'd looked forward to that moment as an opportunity for progress via deep introspection into the darkest places, the most unacknowledged parts of myself. If you've ever done that or had it happen to you, then you know what I'm talking about. It is slightly less fun than carving your eyelids with a kitchen knife... but unlike that horrid mental image, it can be a good thing despite the unpleasantness. Like gulping down a cup of vile-tasting natural medicine that ultimately helps destroy the pathogen that's trying to destroy you, or correct the imbalance that's holding you back.

I say this kind of darkwork (which is just another type of lightwork) is absolutely essential on a spiritual path. It gives you an awareness of how much work you still have to do, just how powerful has been the hold of the unconscious parts of you now being made conscious. It's also very humbling when you realize, as I did in this case, how obvious some of those unseen aspects of yourself can be to others, through their effect on your outward behaviour.

Sometimes, when the grace is granted, you shine as your best self. You discover strengths and abilities and virtues you might not have known you had. Those moments are pure gold. But the opposite of shining also takes place: being shined upon. I subscribe to the notion that, in the course of human interaction (and intra-action), light goes from the place that has it to give, to the place that needs it, if both sides agree to the exchange on some level. This happens, for example, in a healing situation, or in a transfer of knowledge. The new-age practice of lovebombing, beaming light and love where they've not been requested to try to change things for the better, for instance in the hopes that world leaders / PowersThatWere will act wisely and compassionately instead of selfishly and murderously, sometimes fails to take into account the sovereign free will choice of some of those souls to actually pursue the path of darkness. Accepting love-light in pure form would be detrimental to their progress (and so their refusal deepens the shadow in which they reside and the love-light bounces back), but I suspect if that love-light is of a low enough spiritual quality, because of, say, ignorant wishful thinking, or psychological dependency / Stockholm syndrome on the part of the lightworker, then it may even end up feeding the negativity it was intended to alleviate. There's a fine line between the earnest desire for positive change, and the law of allowing. The key to navigating that line, I think, is detachment from the outcome of one's efforts. To do something just because it's right, just because your soul wants to do it, and not because of any desire to overrule or win against somebody, or to achieve good things for the justification of ego's self-righteous holier-than-thou narcissism. Doing from a place of love, rather than fear. Love sees the world as perfect, just as it is, while giving total freedom to act in favour of greater harmony, often inspiring and even compelling such action. Lightwork and darkwork: shine and let shine.

So often the comforting things we tell ourselves about ourselves are nothing more than lies to let us maintain equilibrium in spite of some disturbing truth. Denial. If we are deeply honest with ourselves, willing to face that truth without fear or judgment, then the way to greater integrity is open. The darkness that was there loses its power to hide from us the truth, and to steal from us our sovereign power of selfhood. Energy that used to be expended upon maintaining the lie is now freed for more constructive use. We are able to unflinchingly admit our failings. Self-knowledge, self-acceptance.

Of course, the “unflinching” part, the acceptance, may take a little time. At first, these realizations tend to hurt us. There's been so much invested in the lie that it can be hard to cut that loss and let it go. Or then we make the classic mistake, once faced with the ugliness we've denied, of judging it as making us unworthy of God's infinite and unconditional love. Sounds crazy. And it is. And yet we do it so often. Or I do, at least. Which is why I spat out such a word before getting out of bed today. The frustration of all the self-limiting things we do without being much able to help it.

There are times, like now, when I just come to the end of my rope, as far as what I'm able to do on my own. When there are no easy answers or quick fixes to get there from here. A virtually impassable gulf between what I see and where I want to be. It's at these times that I find there's only one thing that has the power to keep me going, not by offering a solution to the problem, but by reframing the problem: There is no problem. Love sees no problems. Love sees only possibilities. It makes us more than our weak flesh-bound psyches. It allows us to transcend our borders, to become clearer reflections of the greater reality of being. We stop fixating on our faults, and begin to focus on what we can do. It removes the obstacles to our perception of what's possible. To trust in divine love is to have faith in something far greater than oneself, more important than any of one's individual lives or the things therein. Something worth any sacrifice. To meditate upon love and embrace it is to let go of all hindrance, even our relatively true ideas about ourselves. By turning inward in love, we are made able to turn outward also in love. “None of that shit matters. What matters is This... This... This!” Free of the past, free of the future. Making every moment count. If we can do that, even just a little tiny bit, then we're doing very well indeed.


Love as a gift

Tyler aka. ravenise (Revolution is in the Air) posted this status on facebook. The comment regarding hedonism is a nice complement to my personal poem loss to find, but as a whole, this thread applies so universally that I thought it was worth sharing with my readers.

A big thank-you to Tyler and everyone who posted.


loss to find

this trouble that I'm in
this wilderness of sin
a self-created hell
self-pity's gravity well




I'm not the man I was when I could fly
when universe conspired to keep me high
a freedom and euphoric sense of trust
undone by tripping through my tempting lust

I knew what that misstep would bring
but all I wanted was to taste the thing
that all the world assures us is the peak
the holy grail of pleasures we should seek

I wasn't able to appreciate
the treasure I already had
consumed by wanting phantom prize
I reached and to my grim surprise
found sweet it was, but like a flame
too hot and bright to be sustained
soon faded, leaving only cold
and ash, just as I had foretold

let not remembrance take regret
that this took place; it had to be
for learning, and for moving on
though pain it brings, it doesn't kill
this cup of grief has but one fill
the more I drink, and tears I cry
the clearer I become inside

I can't escape this truth you're showing
no matter how I flee the knowing
that this is life, what's done is done
there is no gain in hanging on
to guilt, obsessing overlong
just let it pass, go through and feel
don't judge, accept the pain as real
resulting from denying love
that shines within, rains from above
embraces wholly all around
and bears us like the very ground

it doesn't ask what we've accomplished
how good we've been, how much we've conquered
in ourselves or in the world
or any other blasted thing
it's timeless, unconditional
and that's the key to all desire
that sets us free, consumed by fire
released from chains of death and sex
the phoenix blackened resurrects
and rising up, beneath the horror
reveals its beauty, rainbow-coloured




I am a man, accursed with lies
confusion reigns until it dies
oh god I wish for light to see
and mother earth to humble me
before the grave I'll shed my fear
for love is with me - I am here.

Travelogue of July, Part 1: Hitchhiker's Delight

Greetings of love and peace to you all, my family of Earth-incarnated souls-in-awakening. I've had the grace opportunity to spend four weeks this July on a trip through Finland, hitchhiking with a dear friend and meeting many beautiful brothers and sisters along the way. The trip culminated in two timeless weeks of communion and healing at the Finnish Rainbow Gathering in Hailuoto, an island paradise just a few kilometres from where I live. I've wanted to share something of what I've experienced here with you, but I still don't know what I could possibly say that wouldn't bore the hell out of you to read it... ;-) so I'll just dive in and write something anyway.

Hitchhiking has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager, riding with my dad on long road trips to the wild hunting grounds of northern British Columbia and the sunny, fertile orchards of the Interior. I would gaze at the scenic mountain highway and imagine walking there, far from home, thumbing rides from sympathetic truck drivers and other like-minded motorists. This summer, thanks to fate and a fearless visionary sister who accompanied and supported me, I was able to realize that dream for the first time. Our way brought its share of small trials, but mostly it was miracle after miracle and gift upon gift.

We started by going to the giant happening known as suviseurat, a gathering of the conservative Laestadian "revival movement" in which I was raised. Having more recently, since leaving on my own spiritual path three years ago, made the acquaintance of many whose childhood and youth were much harder than my own, I've come to appreciate more deeply what a gift it was to be able to grow up in such a safe environment, with such a large and close-knit family, both in the nuclear sense (parents and 13 younger siblings) and in the faith community. In the six-plus years I've been in Finland, I've been to all the suvis but one, last year. Each time has been more enjoyable and rewarding than the last, or so it seems looking back. (This year's event in Lumijoki drew a record 90,000 guests.) It may be the fact that I've had time to intellectually explore and sort through the world on my own and experience life from an outside-the-box perspective while seeking answers to life's fundamental questions that now allows me to receive from what's preached there the kernels of wisdom and truth on a deeper level than before. In any case, many of the sermons and songs there touched my heart and soul at least as powerfully as they ever did when I was a believer, but now with a greater clarity and conviction. The rest, I admit, went largely in one ear and out the other (grin). Not worth getting hung up on points of disagreement when there's so much to enjoy otherwise just by being present with the beauty of the moment: the skies, the moods, the people...

My friend and I found a ride leaving the grounds on Monday for Jyväskylä in central Finland. Along the way we had an interesting conversation with a believing lady in her 60s whose present career is in reflexology. Proof, I guess, that a conservative religious belief system need not exclude the use of alternative healing modalities. (I knew a believing woman some years ago who practiced NLP as well. Come to think of it, a high proportion of the believers I know are quite broad-minded and self-aware individuals in spite of the dogmatic, patriarchal nature of the movement's leadership. Application of the "sheeple" epithet in any case might reveal more the arrogance/bitterness/frustration of the one using the term...) Our conversation ended on a rather sad note, however, once the subject of faith came up. It was no surprise to me, but my friend was disappointed to see how unaccepted was her personal faith on the basis of differences of view, and on her latitude of view on what makes a valid spiritual path. It's the "just us" fundie element that probably causes the most needless misery and conflict in connection with the movement. (sigh) Anyway, pointless rant, moving on.

Jyväskylä is a beautiful area with lakes and (almost) mountains that remind me of home in BC. It's also my birthplace and a former hometown of my travel companion. We spent a couple of nights there, one camping out next to the ski jump made famous by Matti Nykänen, and the other at a friend's place. (The ski jump also happens to be the site of my near-attempt at suicide three years ago, chronicled here.) Lovely people were met, important things happened, and our road continued to open up with good fortune in the way of rides and happy times. We made it to Joensuu, eastern Finland, in one evening. There we stayed two days and three nights camping, chilling with a local friend and enjoying the town. Then it was back on the road to Kuopio by thumb, and Paukarlahti by bus.

Paukarlahti County was the location of last year's European Rainbow, quite a large gathering which I unfortunately missed at the time. We were out of the loop as to where the Finnish Rainbow was being held this year, so Paukarlahti was our best shot at finding it. But first we had to find the right place! Walked all night looking for it, checking every side road along the whole length of the rural municipality. Exhausted, we finally gave up and made camp next to the cemetery... and in the morning, discovered that we'd actually found the right place by accident! We met the lady of the farm, who invited us to stay on the Rainbow site proper and informed us of this year's location in Hailuoto. The day and night we spent at the Paukarlahti site felt like an entire week - it was such a magical place and we lived so fully in the moment.

More hitchhiking adventure and answered prayers took us to Hailuoto, and that is where the story continues....