Limits of an Infinite Self

I received this letter from a friend who is traveling light through Europe. It touched me deeply, and it is my pleasure to share it here with you. Kiitos, my friend!


Dearest, loveliest, brightest beings of my life

I prefer a hello to a goodbye,
a hug to a handshake,
a smile to a frown

and these things are always sweetest when shared,
so this is a note appreciating the encounters I have recently engaged in,
since packing my life in a bag again and raising my thumb on the roadside.

Straight from dental surgery to the road, with a tooth less of wisdom, my first ride took me all the way to my next destination. I spent time with an old friend whom i used to bake mudcakes with and swing and sing and play and all those childhood things... now we both restrict the play time to our work, which keeps us both young at heart, I think.
Early on on the way, I was swallowed by Helsinki culture for a week. I found new beautiful people, a stone shop and some sunshine spots perfect for reading wise words from prophets and storytellers. Even though on the road it is difficult to find time on my own, I've been lucky enough to receive such generosity that allows me to soak in a bath with a book and spend a night watching late tv - both luxuries to me as such..

I saw my cousins in Turku, and got to peek into their lives and enjoy ice cream in the park with a very charming 3yr old. My uncle offered to take me to Oslo and so I jumped on a truck within a few hours notice and sailed and sat my way to Norway. First night I slept at the hospital, visiting my old neighbor and friend from college. Eating ice cream, taking the ferry back and forth in the Oslo fjord and adventuring off into greenery became my new routine. Then, I met the amazing elves and fairies of Oslo, suddenly smiles, brighteyes and love was all around, melodies, visions and connections grew through the night into a moment eternalized - happiness.

For those friends who don't consider themselves 'brighteyed' I can only say that this is my way of life, I lead my own journey with an open heart, I trust strangers, but most of all my instincts and I consider each and everyone worth the same, immeasurable value. People can learn from each other, both happy and hurtful things, but what matters is the peace of mind inside you. These communities made of 'alternative' people who live their little eccentric lives in relative harmony, out of the masses' way, are so full of beauty, creativity and trust that they are like recharge places for my little lantern of positivity and goodness.
It has become my lifeline, to be conscious about the energy people emit and how it influences the events in their lives. Hearing stories from you, my friends, has convinced me, on top of my own experience, that the attitude you reflect will also be reflected back to you. Some people are mirrors, others are chaos, yet others are stars and some even try to turn into stone. Whatever form and frame of mind you choose to occupy will influence the decisions and thoughts as well as directions and destinations you end up taking. Of course I am only running experiments with this theory at the moment, practicing 'being free' to the fullest extent I can..

Can you picture freedom? Is it really something we can 'have' or 'be'? Essentially I think it is freedom from thought patterns, certain repetitions of screwed up formulas we normally function by. Is routine the opposite of spontaneous living? and if so, we should still be free to choose routine, if we so wanted and that made us happy. Is freedom about happiness though?

As you can see, I am still struggling with freedom. It is so vast and full of choices that I try to avoid making, letting the natural course of things take hold and steer my ship. I am free to go or to stay, to have whatever I want for dinner, to spend my time as I best see.. Our lives are based on some basic freedom, but to extend it, I chose to leave my beloved community in Oulu and venture once again to places old and new. I am free, no work, no home, no obligations for the time being, enough money to survive and plenty of friends, all unique and precious in their own way. I am free to also have moments of doubt, whether I chose to leave or ran away, I long to go back sometimes, just a few steps, stay, enjoy this being-together for a while longer, whether I should...

Freedom is difficult to master. I may not pay electricity bills, but I do lose my money in other ways. I may be a strong, independent woman but I can still gamble my heart away and chase daydreams...

Believe it or not, perhaps I am waiting for someone to tell me to 'Stay'.

But, mostly, freedom is about listening to your heart.

I left Oslo, like I left Oulu, and I hitchhiked to Gothenburg and spend some delightful time with two bright souls living happily in Sweden. I had a pressing agenda though, to get back to Holland, where most of my college friends still are, so many places in distant timelines that carry great memory value to me. It is wonderful to visit the past and notice it has become the future. It has been two weeks now, of soaking under the blanket of dutch clouds, being safe amongst the people I once lived, loved and shared with. I soak on sunlight, soak in culinary feasts, soak in substances distorting my sense of time and space, inducing myself into a condition where I can take off...once again...to the next place, to the next shining light of my life.

I was going to write about the midnight bonfire in Lapland, and the songs in the streets and how I danced into another dimension, again, the other day.. I was going to write to you about the people and what we did, but I realize that those things are not mine to tell, they can be shared, created anew, when we next meet.

Question your decisions, practice freedom (for it takes a lot of practice) and hopefully, we are all one step closer to harmony.

Tell me about it :)

Love, peace, all those warm n fuzzy things..

□□□ [anonymous for now!]