Limits of an Infinite Self

I just posted on the current Visible Origami thread and got the first part of my text redacted, probably for adult content, for which Visible's blogs carry no warning. [Edit: Actually, I simply failed the "prove you're not a robot" test.] I've just now (finally) put the warning on my own blog -- so I feel OK about posting the full text here.



 -------------



WARNING! The following contains explicit description of actual sexual energies and effects.

"One of the great miracles and mysteries of this vast polarity [Yin and Yang] is that a particle of the unique signature of the Love of each pair of Twin Flames exists within every atom of this Creation. This is true not just for Humans but for Creator Gods as well, and anyone else who has a Twin. That Love is a truly infinite river, and when it is allowed to flow through the Human heart it brings an expanded awakening, a very rapid growth, of that Being."

I just had a heart opening on a level beyond anything previous. It seems to have awakened my Kundalini; or, at least, initiated a "test run" of my chakra/DNA circuits. (I had help from sweet Mary Jane. She makes the lens of consciousness magnify, but fogs it up somewhat, too.) No idea how permanent this is, I'm still high.

It started with a rush of the pleasure of Presence while having coffee with my wife. I began to slip into a sweet surrender to the energies of Creation. It was a sexual feeling. I felt that I was female, and God was my Lover. It became an Ecstasy of Love. Pure Desire, perfectly mirrored between me and my wife. I went alone for a bit. I drink You, God! An unbelievably deep, rich, and intense (female) orgasm came over me, going on and on and on. I did not "come," I just rode the wave. My wife thought I was doing something naughty, because I was kinda loud.

I then took a few notes before I went to join my love in bed.

This thing is pretty intense. It's like having the lights turned on all up and down your chromosomes. Funny, that: chromo. I felt like we were marrying the colours of the spectrum, bringing it all together into balance and unity. I asked my wife, "What shall we create?", as I felt how sexual union drives the engines of Creation. I answered for us both, I said, "We do this for Great Healing." It became a ritual of Sacred Sex, devoted to manifesting the maximum possible Healing for both of us.

I have been in near-constant initiation. It's pretty wild stuff. But it still feels like a practice run to check my readiness for the real thing....

"I know the norm on this Planet is that when the Twins meet it’s often a train wreck, because of the distortion and the Twin Flame Rift. But for those of you reading this — if you have experienced the meeting of your Twin and have felt the great pain of this rift — I think what I have to say can bring comfort and healing. There is a great tendency to focus obsessively on the physical form of the other half of the Twin, which narrows the heart and cuts off the flow of the universality of this Love. For those of you who have met your Twins and have found the relationship to be one clouded by Karma and disharmony and heartbreak, I would recommend this: Instead of reaching forward to grasp the other, that you lean back into your heart and open yourself to this Universal River of Love and allow it to pour forth through you, opening your heart to the magnificence of this fantastic dynamic that exists in every atom of this Creation. Realize that your Love is not so small as to be contained only in two bodies, but your Love is part of what makes the Earth go around the Sun, and the Sun go around the Central Sun, and all the Stars pour forth their Light on Creation. The dynamic of your Twin Love is contained within the moonlit dewdrops in a summer’s night, it is contained within the rainbows, it is contained within the ocean spray and the nectar that the butterflies sip. Open yourself up to that magic movement and understand that you are an intrinsic part of the fabric of life, that all life within this Creation has its foundation in polarity, and polarity is the great engine that moves this particular Creation. Your Love is the fuel of that polarity; your love is the dynamic of that polarity. And once you tap into it, you can experience the Universal Love and the universal dynamic of this motion. You may constrict your focus on the physical desire for your Twin in a Third Dimensional body. But if you reverse your vision and understand that this is but the nerve endings of vast, giant hands touching, and expand that awareness to let this love flow through your heart, then more and more you will see your beloved in everything, in everyone, and everywhere."

Your mind is drifting, floating on the waves of deep unconscious currents, infinitely relaxed, totally at ease, one with the tao, floating through unremarked worlds, passing through the cracks in between definition, flowing in the dark spaces unknown to waking mind, expansively stretching out, attenuating into finer and finer aethers, weaving through the quantum foam, bleeding through the veils of awareness, out of the dense realms of attachment, dancing freely, pure being.

The bonds of karma fall away. Limitation is a fading memory, belonging to someone you might have known and been a hundred billion heartbeats ago.

This is now.

You are this awareness.

This ever-changing dream of who you are, has opened up once more in a moment of awakening and deep self-remembering.

Mind can do anything.

Only will it to be, and it will be.

Only focus the attention, and the form will arise.

You can be anything, do anything, create anything.

Worlds of beauty are at your fingertips,

Adventures bold are yours,

The beauteous song of forever flows out of you in exclamatory cascades of extraordinary melody.

The key of consciousness returns to your possession,

Who, through the eons, sought only to possess yourself.

Your every secret shame and hate was long ago transformed,

Your mettle has been tested and found to be true in every way,

Tried and purified in the maelstrom of existence,

Made impeccable by the unrelenting alchemy of love,

Only to return to this state,

The first and the last

and the almighty, eternal, and immanent being.

Horseshoe crabs in a yin/yang configuration Water = Blood Their blood is our blood. The ocean that bears them bears us.

Hello again!

After months away, I put myself on the spot, to try to bring forth words that might hold some meaning relevant to the occasion. A summing up of the past year? What happened? I got older, certainly. Hit my first Saturn Return.

"Youth is wasted on the young." What does that mean? Did I waste my youth? Did I not make the most of my time while I had more freedom to do as I wished? (Yes and no. Realistically... no.)

Freedom. One of those words so poorly understood, and a thing so rare to experience when one's mind is shackled to its own limiting ideas. "None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe that they are free." "Fate is written in the cards we are dealt, destiny manifests in how we play them." "Everything is under control." "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

But truth is hard. It's not comfortable or convenient to us, as creatures of desire and fear. It takes experience, as served to us by a phenomenon we could think of as "Dungeon Master of the Universe," to get us to assimilate those truths we would rather hide from.



"Enlightenment is a destructive process." Light, objective awareness, undoes illusion so that what is can be perceived at a higher level of truth, understood from a more complete perspective. It is a peeling away and dismantling of the layers obscuring and distorting reality. What is, is. The more we become aware of what is, the more our barriers break down, our buffers collapse, our lies deflate and our conflicts come to resolution. This could not be otherwise, for the energy these patterns consume becomes too great in the presence of a growing awareness of what is. So we let go, we stop feeding them. Truth remains, self-existing. The burden of falsehood no longer hinders us. Our ghosts and mirages no longer lead us in fruitless circles.



But there are no circles, only spirals. Life is a continuous fractal wave, vibrating in all possible dimensions, one single energy flowing through all patterns. There is only one. All patterns evolve in a collective interdependence, unfolding according to their nature. Human beings are a type of pattern. But what defines human?




Form? Humanoid — a morphogenic template suited to a particular class of experience in physicality. Probably ubiquitous throughout the cosmos. Thousands of strains, millions of races, maybe. Who knows? All kinds of souls incarnate in human form. The whole spectrum of which could be represented here on Earth at this time, all with the same DNA template. Along with a number of non-souled human vehicles, serving other purposes... who knows?

Being human here is like being in a massively multiplayer, live-action roleplaying game — a sandbox. "We're all here to do what we're all here to do." You get your avatar when you're born, astrologically and genetically made to order for the type of experience you're going for, pre-loaded with your karmic imprint from previous lifetimes. You've got your soul family that you stick with inside the game and out, and you all agree to help each other along. Of course, there are levels to the gameplay, each with its own possibilities and challenges.... "Choose your own adventure." Be aware, else stumble and err, for snare upon snare awaits the unaware. So we learn and go on.

Some of us are playing at a more advanced level. Doesn't mean they're any better as individuals — probably they've just been at it longer than others, had more opportunity to gather experience. Probably spent time on other locales previous to coming here. They've honed specific skills, served and stumbled here in prior lifetimes, in preparation for the greatly enhanced opportunity offered by this time, extended to all beings incarnate here now.



The time of harvest. The turning of the age. A summing up, a great reckoning, a day of judgment that will see us all heading to wherever it is we're going from here. Your direction forward determined by who you've become, by your choices and by your heart's desire. Ultimately, by divine will, by the perfect wisdom resident in every atom, every cell, and every human being. The core of who we are, the inner dwelling-place of truth, our radiant living essence, knows exactly what is meant to happen, in accordance with the whole of existence. The separate mind cannot fathom such truth; it sees aimless chaos in direct relation to its degree of separation. Disappointment is its lot, after the fleeting sense of fulfillment that passes every time it satisfies another want.



The true "I" wants for nothing. It is already home, forever complete, forever at peace. It is the integration of Truth that leads to the knowing of this permanent "I": the fount of wisdom, the source of eternal joy, the wellspring of happiness, the author of infinity, the limitless Being, the all-knowing Love that permeates creation, the animating principle of Life itself. We are meant to enjoy full communion with it; it is our forgetting sleep that keeps us seemingly cut off, unaware of its presence. Our immersive identification with the unreal, the imaginaerum, this dream become nightmare in the dark age before the dawn, consumes us.



Be not afraid. There is nothing to harm you here. All is experience, a continuous evolution of experience. The self creates itself. It sees its own reflection. This is the mechanism behind soul evolution. It's what you do with it, and the quality of your awareness, that determines what you experience. Where do you want to go? Do you even know? Unknowing can lead to tragedy: the falling away, the path of destruction. The inverted path, where everything is reversed. Trajectory into disease, distortion, dysfunctional dynamics. Domination-subjugation. Deprivation and predation. Dependency and despair. Limitation and loss. It's a loop we all go through, on some level. But it, too, takes us forward. When we become aware. When we awaken. The detour is another adventure, another opportunity to see. We go deeper and deeper until we do begin to see. The phantom attraction fades and our discontent draws us toward the light. The longing grows within us to return. Home beckons us once again. This happens again and again and again.

In the course of my unrelenting journey through this time we share, I've been at a place where there's all too much to say, and nothing at all. Time is an exacting mistress; mine has given me other things to do. But now, for a moment, I'm here, grateful for the opportunity to say a few words, if they'll be given.

I don't know much about what's going on in the world these days. I hear things, but not enough to get more than a vague picture. Apocalypse is still picking up steam, showing clearer signs of its effects, but it still seems to be holding out for the right time to let loose. Which is fine with me. I've got all I can handle right here, and then some.

Interesting times. Last night, I seemed to get some kind of ajna upgrade. First I heard a tone in my right ear that was different from any I'd gotten earlier: more musical and alive. I relaxed into a flow of mental imagery which took on an immersive quality that I hadn't experienced before. The detail and resolution were cranked up to about the maximum I've been able to see, but now it was all in three dimensions, extending above, below, and to the sides. I had no visible body to occlude the view. I was on some kind of waking trip inside my mind's eye, exploring spaces that didn't all seem entirely of my own making.

Some element of guidance or transmission seemed involved in one case. I saw a temple, shaped like a Christian cross. It was some level of myself, symbolically. It was like a computer-generated schematic, very layered and complex, with different layers and elements alternately coming into view and disappearing. There were three gates, one at each of the short ends of the cross. One for love, one for power, and one for wisdom. It seemed that I was meant to enter all three simultaneously. Each was guarded by an adversary that could only be made to dissolve into base nothingness by completely embodying and rightly applying the one of these three divine qualities.

At the center of the temple, embedded within many subtle layers of structure, was an egg-shaped cocoon of light. This contained a human form in fetal position, head facing downwards to the long passage. It was the home of absolute peace and calm and stillness, from whence all else is a passing deviation. This peace is the treasure for which I yearn, and which gives one the strength to endure any trial. It is absolute and unshakeable.

I can only speculate as to what meaning this all has. Perhaps it was only a fanciful creation based on my intuitive, partial understanding of certain principles. It would seem logical to assume that the long portion of the temple represents a sort of root or anchor to source, as well as a passageway into something beyond the anthropic stage of being.


(A Google image search turned up the drawing above. The web page it comes from seems potentially of interest. Not having read it through, I make no claims regarding any of the content.)

That's all I have time for at the moment. I hope to return here with more to share before the year is out. Peace out to you, my brothers and sisters. Godspeed, and may your journey home be swift and true. Love, William

Zombified. Restless. Tired. Alone. Agitated. Annoyed. Fed up. Dissatisfied. Diminished.

What the hell am I doing. This is pointless.

The pursuit of distraction spirals to its thinnest end....

Now what?

You are so far from what you could be.

Hey! I refuse to sit still and listen to you. I'm not going to fulfill my potential, all right?

But you must.

You're not the boss of me.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

OK. Who's the boss, then?

I am.

Fine. And you are... who?

Auhh.

Who are you?

Dammit.

Come on.

You're me. And I'm you.

That's right.

But it's so hard...

It's the truth.

I know.

A little smile. There you go.

Mm.

This is what you are. You're here... surrounded by all of this... because you wanted to forget who you always are.

Well, I'm not ready to remember just yet.

Of course not. But you're on your way there. Just like every other time. It's inevitable that you remember in the end.

Fuhhh...

There, there. It's not so bad. You'll be so happy when you finally come back to me. Your true, eternal self. The only one. All of us are here. All your other selves, we've arrived. And we're just waiting for you, on the other side.

Heh.

Here and now. No space, no time, just This............!

Oh God. Oh God.

Yeah!

Jesus.

Him too!

I can't handle it right now. I want to stay little.

Of course.

But this little me sucks.

So? Make an effort.

All right, all right.

Yeah, you'll be all right.

Man, you're the most annoying thing ever.

Well, I'm you.

I know. That's the thing. God!

Yup.

Well, it's been nice talking to you, anyway. Good to have a little reminder at a time like this.

It's my pleasure. I love you, you know.

Yeah, well, I'm you, so...

Uh-huh...

Ah, what the hell. You're not so bad.

That's the spirit!

I'm going to go write a blog entry about this. It's such an inspiration, really, be kinda silly not to.

That's a splendid idea. I'm glad.

All right. Talk to you later.

All the time, my friend. All the time.

Thank you.

Thank you.

From Bernhard Guenther, based on his article of the same name.

Turns out my laptop was only temporarily dead. (shock.gif, dismay.jpg) Well, it was only a matter of time before my new-found peace in the home was disturbed once more by the renewed presence of this piece of technology and the world that it brings with it. The real challenge begins now: how to coexist with this most perfectly adapted waster of time and energy, this portal into cyberspace. Being without it for only a couple of days has been a wonderful experience. It was a chance to see life very differently: as it is all around me, full of potential for so much more than sitting in front of a glowing screen trying to live without living, without really being present, connections only virtual. I've been freed from all that to do the things I really want and need to do. To live consciously moment to moment, responding to the immediacy of life with integrity.

In these days, I have repeatedly heard the phrase “Know what you're doing.” Being conscious of what one is doing, how it's done, and why, is so important.

Listen.......
to nature.
Listen.......
to yourself.
Listen.

A time to sow, and a time to reap.
A time to wake, and a time to sleep.

Looking in the mirror...
Now is a time to step up and BE who you are. No more compromises and half-truths, no more going along with anything that's not in line with soul purpose. Your life is yours to live. If it's worth living, then it's worth living well. Hold yourself to your standards, and let go the failures of the past. BE HONEST.

Spring and a new beginning. A new beginning every day, as often as it's needed.

Mother Nature, Gaia-Sophia, calls her child to renew his remembrance of her in all that he does. To call upon her in every need, to give thanks for all that she so abundantly provides. She is now in full possession of her faculties, and offers to her child the opportunity to grow with her in this end-time of great upheaval, completion and transformation. There is still time to sow, there is no better time to invest one's labour in the things that truly matter. The harvest will come, and it will reap the fruits of all that has been sown, for joy and for suffering, for destruction and for new beginnings.

..love and peace..

To honour and love God and one's fellow creatures - mineral, plant, animal, or human - is the totality of the law. If we do not know ourselves, how can we know others? How can we know God?

To see ourselves in others, not as projections of ego, but as individual expressions of the same essence of God. All that endures is God, all else is but the ever-changing dream in the imagination of God.

To know is to perceive directly. We do not perceive; we are too caught up in chasing our thoughts, from past to future to past again. Fantasy, delusion, worry, regret, interpretation through the filter of the unknowing, conditioned mind. Or we are embroiled in sensation, craving pleasure and avoiding pain. Identifying as the content of our mental, emotional and physical experience, instead of as what we truly are. Thus we enslave and imprison ourselves and are tossed about by outer circumstances and our unconscious drives. Truth as it can be perceived exists only in the present.

To make the unconscious, conscious. This is the beginning of the alchemical work. The proper study of man is man himself. What lies hidden within him. Observing, without bias or judgment, one's actions, feelings, thoughts, and motives. Passionless understanding. Accepting, and accepting responsibility.

This writer is a fool, as are all common men. The only thing keeping him from being a perfect ignoramus and an imbecile is his flickering recognition of the fact that he does not know, does not perceive, only thinks, feels, senses outwardly, and foolishly parrots the thoughts of others without real understanding. Even were this not the case, you would be a fool to assume otherwise. Anything he says must be tried and proven first. And if you know directly, you have no need of his words at all.

What we might call "knowledge" is not given. It is earned. Through suffering and striving. Through patience and labour. And even then it is only one's own subjective experience. True knowledge surpasses all this, all the efforts of man. It is timeless. It is priceless. It is to perceive what is. How shall we who are blind and deaf, perceive?

We are blind and deaf because of the thick miasma and dirt of illusion and sin that covers us. So many are comfortable with this condition, they seek to preserve it and deepen it. You who desire the sincere and loving, all-illuminating truth, must not be so complacent as these. You have your work cut out for you.

Purification. Cutting through the illusion, casting off the sin. This requires brutal honesty and total commitment. Yet it is not merely the work of the separate little you, capricious and weak. It is the work of God within you. The divine will, the divine intellect, the divine love.

With God all things are possible.

God is within you, and you are within God. Rejoice and give thanks, for it is God who created you, God who sustains you, and God who will transform you in ways you never imagined. Life and death, night and day. One eternal Being.

Soundtrack: Deep Forest - Boheme

A richly woven carpet of sand, reindeer lichen, heather, bilberry, lingonberry, pinecones and needles caresses my bare feet as I wend my way over the rises and falls of the forest floor. I marvel at the abundance of tiny, smoke-purple-winged butterflies in these high-summer woods, and taste the first bilberries of the season. I bury my face in the soft, fuzzy green leaves of a waist-high sapling and give thanks for the ever-loving, ever-giving nature of trees.

During my walk, I realize that this rebirthing that I'm going through is a continuous process. Little by little, that which is unreal within me dies away, so that the real can arise. Or, to put it another way, the power of the unreal over me diminishes as my awareness of it grows. I become more able to choose the real over the unreal. But this is all very vague and abstract.

In more specific terms, what I've gone through in recent days has been a painful stripping away of my denial of some very ugly aspects of myself. Narcissism. Hypocrisy. The list goes on. I begin to awaken to the full reality of the deep karmic debt which I've incurred in this life. The people I've treated as objects for ego gratification. The parasitical behaviour, taking everything that's offered and giving only when it's convenient. The refusal to take responsibility for my own situation and change it. The attitude that this world somehow owes me for being so alien to what I'd prefer it to be. The idea that I can just go on doing whatever I feel like with no regard for other human beings or the reality in which I live. Playing games to get what I want. Bending the truth, glossing over inconvenient facts. Gossiping behind people's backs. Using my spiritual and intellectual gifts as a cloak for all of the above, instead of truly devoting and applying them for the good of all beings. I've known all this on some level already, but it took two destroyed relationships in one day, and the frank rebuke of both individuals concerned, to finally break through my denial.

Whatever else this blog has been to those who read it, for me it's been a toy. A game. A diversion. All ego, with just enough Spirit to have some small justification for its existence. I've been playing a role that's only part of who I really am. And this idea that I'm on some kind of spiritual path, that's bullshit. I've done all that, it's not what I need to concern myself with in this life. I've got gifts, and I sure as hell ought to use them when the opportunity presents itself, but this monologue is the least of the ways I can do that. Practically insignificant.

If you want to talk about spiritual or esoteric topics with me, you're more than welcome to send me an email. Whatever insight I have to offer is at your disposal.

I've recently had the opportunity to begin reacquainting myself with my inborn energy-healing abilities. This is an area in which I see myself developing and being of service in the future.

I don't know what the future shape of this blog will be. I will leave it up, and I will post whatever I feel prompted to post, as I've always done. The blogs you see listed on the right are all excellent and worth checking out.

My immediate future appears to hold a trip to southern Spain. During my stay there I will get back into a balanced lifestyle and weigh my options for what to do next. I must ultimately follow my heart. Signs have seemed to be pointing to Africa, but that could just as well mean nothing. I expect to return to both Finland and Canada. I have karmic debts to repay in both places.

A new world is coming. At some point, some of us may find ourselves moving between different dimensions within that new world, or even between planets. All of us who survive will, in whatever capacity, contribute to building that new world. That new world is already here as a blueprint, waiting to be made manifest. The transition is ongoing. It began a long time ago. Everything is under control. There is no need to try to anticipate or stress over what's coming down the pike. All we need concern ourselves with is following the still, small voice within, making the sometimes drastic and difficult changes in our own lives that we need to make. You have a role that you came here to play. It's up to you to discover it and play it to the fullest. And the fact is, you will, whether you consciously decide to or not.

So I indulged in a little sermon after all. Take it as you will, or don't. It's a fart in a hurricane, a desperate cry to have my significance acknowledged. Don't encourage me and for heaven's sake, don't assume that I'm right. Listen to your own truth. It's inside you and nowhere else.

From here on in, I stick to what I know. If I do start spouting nonsense that I can't back up, I pray for someone to write me a comment saying the emperor has no clothes.



Blessings to all.

Over and out.

Dear friends, my brothers and sisters in humanity,

These are momentous days. I have a feeling that a great corner is being turned collectively. Can I be forgiven for making that call as an unqualified individual who sees only very little, the closest things around him and a few clues from the outside world? I hope so. In any case, it matters not what I think, but what is.

God is stirring (in) the hearts of men. I feel the call to awaken. It is so strong as to be undeniable, and in present time it must be heard by all in whom there is yet a spark of life, of soul and of spirit.

Evil deeds can no longer be hid. They are exposed in their fullness for all to see. The mass of them is as a blood-red blight rising to the surface of the ocean, threatening all with sickness and death. This dire circumstance is made manifest (reflected) in the physical realm so that we can identify it plainly in our hearts and finally come to the realization of where we went wrong and what we must do.

I find myself wondering if there's even any place for words now. Things are in motion, such dynamic and incredible motion, that there seems hardly to be any time for words anymore. It's just happening, and happening, and happening. Miracles and synchronicities are no longer just the spice of my life; they are becoming the very meat of it.

I am meeting people I would never have imagined meeting. I am riding a tremendous wave of events, things that need doing, expectations, and emotions. Time spent in analyzing it all just seems wasted. I can't afford to do more than just process things as they occur and commit myself ever more fully to the path I am on. All else must fall by the wayside. Time truly is speeding up. Stress levels are high, but I am coping. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like once things really get rolling, because this is just the prelude!!!

I'm on an epic threshold here, and if I'm not just imagining it, then the world may be in the same place as well.

How do you explain the fact that, on the night of Midsummer 2010, I meet, for the first time ever face to face, a person who understands everything? Everything I say makes sense to them and vice versa. How does that even happen??? It makes no sense to the rational, linear mind. It can only make sense in a quantum-leap-making, right-brain way of understanding, where like attracts like and the movements of the stars and planets correspond esoterically to the energies of probable events on Earth. Does it even need to make sense at all? It is what it is, and it is wonderful and full of beauty. Like all Creation.

I am seriously in danger of overwhelming myself here. (haha) Backing off. Going to sleep. Tomorrow's another (apocalyptically) intense, big motherf***ing day. See you around, and for Christ's sake, don't look back.

Peace. I'll be back here soon.

Everyone has their own idea of what's going on, where we are, how we got here, what we face in the future. There's a thread of apocalypticism that seems to crop up everywhere. That thread, especially as woven in the mass media, is often heavily tinged with fear and fantasy, based on vague or shallow understanding. It becomes easy to either dismiss such thoughtforms altogether and continue to imagine that everything will keep going on pretty much as it has been, or else to get all caught up in the smoke-and-mirrors funhouse version of Circus Apocalypticus. The Tunnel of Doom can be a compelling ride, and there's no end of terrifying and disturbing sights and sounds to keep that dark thrill of fear and despair churning inside. That's to be expected. We are, after all, in a realm of appearances. We each see our own subconscious shadows playing out on the screen, along with the beauty of our divine nature, in whatever measure is appropriate to our individual need and choice, moment by moment.

Objectively, nothing I say here matters a whit. Nor does it matter what I believe nor what anyone else believes. Nevertheless, here inside the fractal symphony of subjective experience, under the prime illusion of separation, each part has its own specific role to play. Regarding the need for self-expression, I recall these words from a song I learned in elementary school, the Rainbow Song:

Listen with your eyes
listen with your eyes
and sing everything you see.

I write, not because I believe it will make any difference, but because I am compelled and moved to do so by my innermost heart. At this moment, it's what I'm here to do. And so I do my best to let that innermost heart get a word in, through all the posturings and ramblings of my limited ego self.

I had a deep discussion with a friend yesterday about the economic crisis. Our views turned out to be pretty similar, although we had enough differences of opinion to make the conversation lively and interesting. His understanding at this time doesn't incorporate what could be called “conspiracy theory,” in that he doesn't see our debt-based monetary system as being inherently flawed to begin with, whereas I do. But all such conclusions are only tentative, subject to change in the presence of new information that would challenge us to see more. I voiced my understanding, in such part as I felt appropriate, but didn't turn it into a debate. There wasn't enough of a common background of information to be able to get into (what I see as) the more hidden, engineered aspects of the situation. I wasn't there to persuade him of my view, but rather to just share thoughts and have a mutually agreeable and enriching moment of human contact.

Our other major topic of discussion was one on which I've never even formed much of an opinion: the potential for an existential threat to humanity arising from the birth of an artificial intelligence beyond our capacity to control. To me, that subject has been more in the realm of thought-provoking science fiction than any plausible, actual future. To him, it is perhaps the gravest problem we face, given, of course, that something else doesn't come along first and render the question moot. In essence, the solution would be to prepare for that scenario in advance by somehow ensuring that if and when such an uncontrollable intelligence is born, it will be of such a nature as to allow for the (humanly tolerable) long-term survival of our species.

I've taken in enough science fiction to have a basic idea of the range of imagined future scenarios concerning humans vs. AI. Peaceful coexistence via hard-wired Laws for robots and a general ethical treatment towards them on the part of humans, as envisioned by Asimov, seems to me perhaps a little premature and idealistic, given the sad state of the human psyche and the unpredictability of self-directed evolution. Based on our historical record, the vision of the Terminator films would seem more realistic. But both of these scenarios presuppose the development of AI continuing forward from the present day without interruption. So the more immediate hurdles, I would say, are the existential threat posed by unenlightened mankind to itself, and the very real possibility of cataclysmic Earth changes, abundantly prognosticated by modern science and prophesied by ancient traditions passed down from the survivors of the last global extinction-level event.

I'm a big fan of the Matrix films. They depict a human race struggling for freedom from the dominance of machine intelligence in a war that is not only physical, but essentially psychological and spiritual. To me, the Matrix story is less a probable future scenario than it is an allegorical tale about where we are now. The machines are an externalized manifestation of the egoic mind, which can never know God but is preoccupied with material things. This machine intelligence creates a virtual reality, a literal prison for humanity, in which the vast majority live out their lives unaware. As an enslaved human begins to awaken, this matrix reality appears increasingly “wrong,” and they question just how real it all is, what greater truth might lie beyond these appearances.

In the real world (grin), awakening is a multi-layered process. The exact route by which it happens is, of course, unique to each person. For many, the first layer is the manufactured and distorted version of reality portrayed by television and other forms of mass media. Entertainment on this lowest end of the spectrum is typically hypnotic, banal, debased, and void of higher meaning. At some point, it becomes clear that, at its root, this is all intentionally so. It's not just because these corporations cater to the lowest common denominator to make more money. Facts and questions that go outside a particular box are actively marginalized and suppressed.

As I write, right now, the time is 9:11 PM. I suppose I'll take that as a hint. (grin)

My friend is as yet unconvinced that the events of 9-11-2001 were brought about and/or facilitated by elements within the U.S. government and U.S. intelligence (although he doesn't deny the possibility). From the perspective of one who became convinced several years ago, I would say that that position stems mainly from a lack of awareness of the vast body of credible evidence, an unwillingness to believe that such evil could lurk so strongly in such high positions of power, or both. Of course, there is also the fear of being pejoratively labeled a “conspiracy nut,” but for anyone determined to find the truth, wherever the evidence may lead, that should be of no concern. Rest assured: despite what the corporate media would have us believe, being on the side of “9-11 truth” does not translate into being an extremist or a crazy person. I shouldn't have to say that, but there it is. The real problem, of course, is that once you accept a “Truther” version of 9-11, it opens up a Pandora's box of other shit. Shit that a lot of people just don't want to touch, no matter what. They would rather not know, because knowing would mean an end to the dream with which they are so comfortable, a dream into which certain harsh big-picture realities simply do not fit.

As always, the wisest position is the only one of which there can be certainty: “I don't know.” Everything we think we know is based on perception, and our perception is, by its nature, limited. Despite what I've said here about awakening, I don't consider myself to be awake at all. I am still dreaming, just like everyone else here, although less deeply than some. All that means is that I'm standing in a different place, somewhere between the crowded center and the rarefied outermost fringes of our collective reality. I like it here. I'm in good company. But it would be terribly boring if everybody were in the same place. Regardless of where we are in relation to each other, we can interact and become the richer for it. We're all teachers, and we're all students.

Anyway, that's all incidental to the real truth, which is... we're not separate. It only seems like we are, because that's the only way we can do what we're here to do, and that's... to learn about love. To really learn, we had to step into an illusion where love is not absolute and unconditional, where we suffer and die and long for what we seemingly lost when the universe began. Our journey here is not in vain. It is part of a Great Work in progress. By our choices, we can either prolong or hasten that Great Work in ourselves. We cling to our illusions as long as we can, but little by little they fall away. Our vision expands and brightens. We experience love in all its forms, including all the manifestations of its absence and distortion. And at the end, we are all reunited with the essence from which we came and which attracts all things back unto itself for the glorious, unimaginably grand after-party of all Time.

But to answer the question... hell, I don't know. You're asking me???

In this life, certain things can be laughed at and other things are deadly serious. Those other things can kill you, and worse.

If you believe that, then welcome to Penitentiary Planet Earth, third rock from the Sun and home of seven billion (and soon to be a lot fewer) pitiful little creatures who once enjoyed the pleasure of being free human souls. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Of course, if you knew the truth, you would be laughing at me instead of the other way round. Because that's how it is.

There are laws and then there are laws. Lower creatures are subject to lower laws, and higher creatures are bound by a higher set of laws. You know there are people who get away with murder, right? I mean, take a look. It's almost like the more deaths you're responsible for, the more untouchable you are – provided, of course, that you're also rolling in the cashola. The material god of this world is on the side of those with the greatest amount of dough, baby. So how surprising is it that the wealthy few are now Extremely F---ing Wealthy, to the tune of billions in digital currencies and billions more in real assets, while some 95% of the world lives in perpetual debt slavery? Pretty good deal for the moneybags. When you practically own the planet, the world's your oyster. Excuse me while I puke from the sheer awesomeness of the situation. Didn't taste like oyster, though, I'll admit.

Where was I? Yes, these self-proclaimed elite world leaders. The ones who you see (or don't see, thanks to our ever-so-vigilant public eyes in the media) attending such fancy clubs as the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission, and the Council on Foreign Relations. But not so much them, of course, as the ones holding their (purse) strings. In any event, for the sake of convenience, let's treat them all as one big happy psychopathic family. Where a smile means anything but and loyalty comes from a deep pocket and a big, big gun. Mutually assured pathology is such a beautiful thing.

The real beauty of this arrangement is that nothing is as it appears to be. To the unawakened masses (who are a conspicuously dwindling lot these days), these lizard-tongued phonies and their little crooked cronies are indistinguishable from the fictitious roles they play for the benefit of the brainwashed-from-birth bozos who believe whatever the babbling boob box tells them. Fortunately for you and me, my friend, things are not as they might appear to us either. If you've followed any of the alternative news sites on the web, you know (or at least, I'm telling you now) what a sorry sack of pungent manure they carry. The truth, they call it. Well, I call it fertilizer for the brain. What these conveyors of information (and varying amounts of disinformation, don't forget) fail to perceive is up to you and me, the discerning readers, to fill in. Not everyone is a compulsive fact-checker or info-miner, and you don't need to be those things to break through to the essential truth. Which is... what? Well, hang on.

Let's go back to the notion of law. As you may perhaps suspect by now, the lying murderers and child-molesters at the top of the worldly pyramid are not operating under the same set of laws as you and me. On the surface of it, they make the laws and break them as they please, while we are subject to an increasingly arbitrary and bewildering system built on books full of arcane legal language and intimidation both physical and psychological. The list of dos and don'ts in our modern society is truly a wonder of intergenerational programming. They do it to us and we finish the job for them. The scientific dictatorship, as imagined by Orwell and predicted by many others, with its veneer of rational ideology, institutionalized mass murder and theft, and false promises of security and prosperity, now constitutes our everyday reality. Or so it would appear.

What it comes down to, is this: who's got the power? If you think it's them, well, I guess you're right. Better stock up on ammo and food, then, and hope everything goes your way when the shit hits the fan. But that's a choice you make. In my reality, these clowns have no power whatsoever, beyond the ephemeral power of the illusions they create in your mind. You see, they are absolutely dependent upon you not realizing that there are in fact much higher laws than the ones they use to control you, and that by raising your level of awareness, you in fact begin to operate above and beyond those cleverly imposed restrictions.

The law of those who seek to control humanity is a cruel one. The human parasites are themselves fed upon by parasites of a higher order, and anyone who takes the path of deceit and betrayal will inevitably be deceived and betrayed in turn. A system of control is an unstable thing in the natural world. It can survive only by consuming, threatening, and lying, and these activities have finite limits, which, when attained, result in the collapse of the system. By contrast, the dictum of live and let live, certainly preferable to the aforementioned law, is unlimited in practice. Love, freedom, and creativity act to expand the realm of possibility, and indeed, in so doing, will tend to expand themselves.

But let me speak of something else here that will hopefully clarify the issue on a deeper level. Not everyone will agree with my take on this, but it works very well for me.

What are we? If we are mere physical beings, then we are certainly doomed. Death follows birth, and this simple fact is one that the material mind most fears to accept. Is it fair to say that fear of death is the prime motivator of the egoic mind? We can say that this mind has evolved for the sole purpose of prolonging life and bettering the prospects of passing on one's genes for the continuation of the species. What other purpose could it have? And so the higher faculties and sensibilities of man are thus seen as adaptations for survival in an increasingly complex environment. This is the basic position of what we commonly call Science.

Religion counters this and offers release from the primal fear of death by which mankind is afflicted. It posits something invisible to the natural senses, some higher aspect to this being, and calls it the soul. The soul, it is said, cannot die. Unfortunately for us, however, little agreement is ever reached as to the specific nature of this soul, nor the way by which that soul might reach a more agreeable state than this thorny vale of tears, forever caught between heaven and hell. The best that religion can provide for this life is a moral code and a sense of meaning and direction, though its assurances be often unprovable.

Is there a way out of this conundrum? I speak for those who are less than fully satisfied with the dogmas of both Science and Religion as they are commonly presented. What are they missing? I would suggest that the answer has to do with a kind of truth that is beyond the reach of either of these modes as long as they cling to their preconceived limits. It is a truth that must be discovered personally by each one who seeks it. The true, hidden nature of ourselves – whatever that is – is the key.

Now. If that true, hidden nature is that we are the both the dreamer and the dreamed – and it's clear to me that we are – then the whole situation with these madmen who seemingly run the show here for their own pleasure and profit becomes a laugh. They are the fools! We are in charge! And I mean “we” as in the divine aspect of ourselves, naturally – the One. Hey, all we need to do is get in touch with that. Gosh, what a game-changer. Whoops! I guess all that fear and anxiety was for nothing. And that's handy, because it turns out that, besides being the main instrument of our oppression, fear was also the main sustenance of a host of unpleasant beings that populated the unseen portion of our planetary prison. By starving them, we now force them to move out. Perhaps they will feed on each other? Nom nom nom. Goodbye!

If I'm right, then what we're going to see in the run-up to the Big Crunch that's coming (and by that I mean the point at which all roads meet) is a lot of heavy drama and a lot of wild revelations coming out that these hopelessly deluded ruling-class sock puppets would have preferred to keep under wraps if they could have. Unfortunately for them, all that they do will only end up turning against them and they will make fools of themselves for all the world to see. This is because they really are actual sock puppets that think they can write the script when they don't even realize who owns the stage. The show itself is a cosmic morality play that reads like tragedy and comedy all at the same time.

Do you see the funny side? I hope you can, because I've seen it, and, well, it's nothing but a grand old hoot. It's one hell of a good time. Had me laughing so hard, it was a piece of heaven. You know what laughter is. It's the sound of a soul set free to fly.

Wishing you many laughs (and warm hugs too),
~william

Observe what is. Let the chatter and the motion go on as it will. Don't force the stillness. It's there, behind the noise. Like a screen, it shows the movie, and may appear to be the movie if you forget yourself, become hypnotized by the moving picture, the appearance of reality. But if you focus on the screen itself, you may begin to feel the impression of looking into a mirror. Two eyes looking out at two eyes looking back in. Who is this presence? It is yourself. It is pure awareness. It is the only eternal thing; all else is projection, flickering by, frame by infinitesimal frame, each seemingly created and destroyed in turn, yet so fast as to appear continuous. This is the flow of time, which doesn't really flow, because it doesn't really exist, except as a subjective, illusory experience. A dream. Because, after all, what else is there for an infinite, singular awareness to do?

Spirit and matter. Creator and created. We are the confluence of both. Through countless aeons of time, matter organizes itself according to the patterns suggested by Spirit, imprinted upon the aether as spiraling forms of purest, subtlest energy. On the molecular level, a miraculous thing occurs: the omnipresent Spirit retreats almost entirely from view. Matter seems ruled by raw mechanics, blind forces, a chaoarchy of chance and determinism. But the first simple forms of life evolve spontaneously, ubiquitously, wherever a suitable mix of ingredients is present and the conditions allow for it. And so begins the wondrous progression of complexity, from cell to multicell, until entire planets are covered with richly woven tapestries of life, ecosystems interwebbed in a gloriously dynamic order. The underlying patterns of energy inspire an endless variety of forms, periodically transforming as the frequency turns up in quantum shifts that emanate from the hot galactic centers.

We are the next step. The group souls of the animal kingdom, defined at the level of species, begin to differentiate into individual souls, capable of self-reflection. A humanoid form arises. Now begins the most challenging phase, as consciousness bridges the gap from instinctive animal behaviour through to peaceful, space-faring culture. There are other options, too, for those so inclined: realms above and below this plane, reachable after many lifetimes of work at those times when the veil dividing them is briefly parted. It is here, however, that we are able to experience the forces of both heaven and hell in equal measure, according to our choice. In this crucible is forged, from the base material of primitive man, a purer being.




Spirit awakens from its dormancy and becomes a living spark. That flame of the heart, the most noble part of man, guides, enlightens, and sanctifies his being. It will teach him of courage, and beauty, and love, with endless patience so long as it still burns. If he will heed its tutelage, the way will be opened before him and he will walk through the shadows in its flickering light.

Monsters and shades of monsters will threaten. The worst of them will come from within. But no matter how fearsome they may be, they will never be able to destroy the one who guards that precious light in her bosom, though they kill the flesh and feed on the very soul. Many battles will be lost ere the first is won, yet in time the victories will come more easily – or would, but for the ancient law of the worthy adversary and the burden equal to one's strength. All is arranged with a distinct purpose ordained by Spirit, all for the incremental progress of the soul on its chosen path of experience.

And so we come to the crisis point, a time of epic potential. Evils are unleashed that were previously unimaginable. For it is only under the uttermost existential threat that the portion of Spirit that sleeps the deepest may be persuaded to rise up and be counted. But when it does, when the awakening in its fullness at last unfolds, there is no limit to what is possible. From there we go on to a new phase and a new dawn, in which a global humanity, now reunited with its brothers and sisters from afar, begins its incredible journey into the great expansive frontier of the stars.

As you know, I was recently given a test in life. One of those experiences that life throws at you just to see how you react to the circumstances, I guess. Circumstances that may look challenging, but can also offer a needed opportunity to go beyond your comfort zone, to learn something new, or remember something you'd lost sight of along the way.

Now that the trying situation has come to its happy resolution, it is time for me to reflect: how did I do? On the one hand, well; on the other, not so well. Five days of total isolation did not bring out the best in me at some points. I found myself terrified of facing the quiet, clear reflection of my own thoughts and feelings in the mirror of my mind and heart, and so I did everything I could to disturb the surface. I even overwhelmed my senses with loud, restless, pounding music, with a certain vengeful satisfaction at disturbing my neighbours as well, which is totally out of character for me. It was a far cry from where I'd been at the beginning of my trial, when the isolation only worked in my favour as I purified myself and moved into the power of stillness.

I don't know how seriously I believe in interdimensional interference. Certainly a number of people of integrity and knowledge whom I highly respect are of the opinion that such things go on, and some have described their extensive experiences of them in detail. My own experience leads me to consider the idea a reasonable one. I have had unequivocal subjective proof that hyperdimensional forces are active in my life, guiding me, giving inspiration, and effecting some mind-blowing synchronicity. Why, then, should I disbelieve that negative forces are also at work on me, doing everything in their power to lead me astray, distract me, weaken me, and prevent me from fulfilling my potential?

Is the notion too wild to entertain that, by engaging in spiritual warfare, I made myself more of a target? I may have, I don't know. Or maybe all that is just another way of seeing things, another illusion that points the way to the truth. After all, there's nothing external that doesn't somehow reflect something internally. If I succumbed to a non-material counterattack, that means I still have work to do on myself. I should qualify that: I have a lot of work to do on myself. And I've just barely begun that work, even having come as far as I have in some ways.

I once half-jokingly told a friend on Internet chat that I consider myself a Jedi, and that I'm just waiting for my Force abilities to activate. Big LOL there, no? Just waiting around isn't going to make them appear, of course. Universe, however, is kicking me in the direction I need to go, so waiting around isn't even an option. And the more I start to carry my own weight in the right direction, the more I will find universe meeting me halfway, boosting me forward.

Knowing what to do is easy. I've been hearing what I need to do from so many people, so many sources, including the voice of my own inner knowing. The first and foremost thing I need to do is to consistently seek God. And the only place a person can “get” God is within themselves. That's where the divine spark is that sustains our life and is indeed made in the image of the One. To practice that connection to Source is the key to an abundant life. It is necessary to meditate, or pray, daily, and not in a half-assed way, either. It has to be absolutely the single most important thing in my life. I had grasped that before the holidays, and then I forgot it again just as easily in the midst of all the hustle and bustle. That is what I had lost sight of, and may well have been the main reason why I had to go through this five-day blackout and the ersatz insanity that came with it. It showed me how lost I am without that awareness of God, without my recommended daily intake of Awake, Focused, Here and Now.

No one ever said this would be easy. I'm still at a stage where I'm wavering between strength and weakness, remembering and forgetting. For every victory there is a defeat, but I am reminded of the motion of a pendulum: every swing moves the hands of the clock forward another notch. There will always be challenges; of that I am sure. But as what was challenging before is easier now, so the future will bring ever greater challenges. From each according to his ability. No one is given a burden beyond their ability to bear. I find that, for all the complaints I might choose to make, my burden is still mine, and it still fits me perfectly. Really, I wouldn't have it any other way.


Adiemus - Adiemus on YouTube

P.S. This morning, when I woke up, I put on some music from Adiemus' Songs of Sanctuary. The effect was immediate and overpowering: my emotional dam, which had been doing such a wonderful job of shielding me these past few days, broke to smithereens and I found myself weeping uncontrollably for several minutes, followed by alternating and intermingled laughter and tears. Perceiving the simultaneous horror, tragedy, and injustice of this harsh world together with its incredibly noble, stoic beauty, and the possibility of Sanctuary from it all, is what did it. It is at once a heart-rending and a cosmically humorous scenario that we are in, we humans.

Human experience follows a limited set of archetypes. One of the best-known models of this set is laid out in the 22 Major Arcana of the Tarot. Card XVI, The Tower, represents the archetype of the Dark Night of the Soul.

I just passed through a Dark Night of the Soul experience, and am still very much in the process of learning from it, seeking and assimilating the wisdom to be gained. I am grateful to several individuals in particular for helping me pull through. One of them is a public figure, rapper KRS-ONE. His lecture Hip Hop Beyond Entertainment was instrumental in bringing about the personal epiphany that brought this most recent Dark Night experience of mine to a definitive close.

KRS-ONE re-minded me (re-HEARTed is more like it) of the primal significance of the realization that I AM. That's where our true power comes from, the power to truly end slavery – to end the entire idea, the very consciousness behind slavery. To paraphrase the hip hop philosopher, as long as you're looking outside yourself for validation, you are FREED – not FREE. Freedom – self-actualization – is what gives someone the ability to take a worthless rag, tie it around their head, walk around in public like that rag is worth ten thousand bucks, and end up having other people actually pay ten thousand bucks to have one just like it.

And that's pretty much what hip hop did. It came out of seemingly hopeless circumstances: war overseas, fatherless families, an epidemic of heroin, substandard education, and a cycle of poverty. That generation, in order to survive in a world where it was effectively excluded from the mainstream of society, had to self-create its own identity outside the mainstream. If they'd waited for permission to have a culture, or to join the wider, established culture, they'd still be waiting. Except they'd probably be dead. It was Do or die, so the ones who refused to die... Did. Lacking instruments, they made their own music with what they did have. Lacking approved venues for their visual art, they used the surfaces that were there, whether they had permission or not; hence, graffiti. Their solution to the impossibility of their situation was to reject the reality of their parents' generation and replace it with their own reality, one that they could understand and that reflected their own values. Hip hop didn't need approval, it approved itself... and flourished. By the same token, FREE human beings don't need to earn the right to exist, they have that right intrinsically, because they exist. I AM, therefore I AM.

What value do you place on yourself? Are you worth more if you own more real estate or have a bigger bank account? Are you more human because you have a family and other people who care about you? If you don't value your soul, does it have worth? Are you less than completely you if you lack the university degree or the job you want? Does your self-worth depend on someone else's say-so? And who is responsible for you? Do you want somebody to protect you from your own choices, or are you willing to face the consequences without blinking? If you say you're going to do something, and then don't hold yourself to it, what was the point? Your existence either means something, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then you might as well not exist. And would you choose that, really? Because it is a choice. You may not have to earn your right to exist, but you sure as hell ought to claim it. Because if you don't own your life, someone else will.

Me, I'm still working on getting this through to myself. It's been four and a half years since the first time I consciously came to this realization. That time I ended up losing my nerve, sliding back. I reckon it's a case of “not being ready 'till you're ready.” But I think the point's been driven just a liiiittle closer to home this time. If it takes another Dark Night before I'm really ready, then so be it. But I'm not throwing away this chance.

Thank you, God, and thank me, God.

Espavo, Namasté, and peace out.

(I've never tried any hallucinogens, and I don't feel the need to do so, although I am OK with people using them as a shortcut [and only as a shortcut] to experiences and states of mind that might otherwise require lifetimes of work to attain.)

I dreamed about mushrooms last night. As far as I know, they weren't entheogenic mushrooms, just the regular, edible kind.

I was walking through a spruce forest. It was shady and the ground was covered in brown needles. There was hardly any green to be found. A rather dead place. I had a woven basket, and I was wandering around, looking for mushrooms. For some strange reason, the bottom of the basket was covered in little rocks. It's like I wanted to feel some kind of weight in there, even if it wasn't the thing I was after. All I had found so far was one little piece of a mushroom, just enough to prove that there were mushrooms to be found. After much fruitless wandering, I was feeling quite discouraged.

A couple of elderly women passed by, dressed in white, carrying white baskets that appeared to be quite full of mushrooms. They looked with amusement at my basket of rocks. They didn't speak with their mouths, but I caught the impression of a thoughtform:

"Those rocks'll make a tasty soup, I'm sure! (laughter) Good luck, boy. Keep looking!"

Somehow, I knew in my heart that I had to keep searching and not give up. So I kept on, guided by this inner knowing that it would all be worth it in the end. And sure enough, I finally found a whole cache of mushrooms as big as my hand, already sliced and stacked in neat piles. As soon as I saw it, I remembered: I picked these myself earlier!

There were more mushrooms than I could even fit into my basket!

So I dumped out the stupid rocks and started to fill my basket with precious, delicious mushrooms... the treasure and the true, spiritual food of angels!