Limits of an Infinite Self

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I just posted on the current Visible Origami thread and got the first part of my text redacted, probably for adult content, for which Visible's blogs carry no warning. [Edit: Actually, I simply failed the "prove you're not a robot" test.] I've just now (finally) put the warning on my own blog -- so I feel OK about posting the full text here.



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WARNING! The following contains explicit description of actual sexual energies and effects.

"One of the great miracles and mysteries of this vast polarity [Yin and Yang] is that a particle of the unique signature of the Love of each pair of Twin Flames exists within every atom of this Creation. This is true not just for Humans but for Creator Gods as well, and anyone else who has a Twin. That Love is a truly infinite river, and when it is allowed to flow through the Human heart it brings an expanded awakening, a very rapid growth, of that Being."

I just had a heart opening on a level beyond anything previous. It seems to have awakened my Kundalini; or, at least, initiated a "test run" of my chakra/DNA circuits. (I had help from sweet Mary Jane. She makes the lens of consciousness magnify, but fogs it up somewhat, too.) No idea how permanent this is, I'm still high.

It started with a rush of the pleasure of Presence while having coffee with my wife. I began to slip into a sweet surrender to the energies of Creation. It was a sexual feeling. I felt that I was female, and God was my Lover. It became an Ecstasy of Love. Pure Desire, perfectly mirrored between me and my wife. I went alone for a bit. I drink You, God! An unbelievably deep, rich, and intense (female) orgasm came over me, going on and on and on. I did not "come," I just rode the wave. My wife thought I was doing something naughty, because I was kinda loud.

I then took a few notes before I went to join my love in bed.

This thing is pretty intense. It's like having the lights turned on all up and down your chromosomes. Funny, that: chromo. I felt like we were marrying the colours of the spectrum, bringing it all together into balance and unity. I asked my wife, "What shall we create?", as I felt how sexual union drives the engines of Creation. I answered for us both, I said, "We do this for Great Healing." It became a ritual of Sacred Sex, devoted to manifesting the maximum possible Healing for both of us.

I have been in near-constant initiation. It's pretty wild stuff. But it still feels like a practice run to check my readiness for the real thing....

"I know the norm on this Planet is that when the Twins meet it’s often a train wreck, because of the distortion and the Twin Flame Rift. But for those of you reading this — if you have experienced the meeting of your Twin and have felt the great pain of this rift — I think what I have to say can bring comfort and healing. There is a great tendency to focus obsessively on the physical form of the other half of the Twin, which narrows the heart and cuts off the flow of the universality of this Love. For those of you who have met your Twins and have found the relationship to be one clouded by Karma and disharmony and heartbreak, I would recommend this: Instead of reaching forward to grasp the other, that you lean back into your heart and open yourself to this Universal River of Love and allow it to pour forth through you, opening your heart to the magnificence of this fantastic dynamic that exists in every atom of this Creation. Realize that your Love is not so small as to be contained only in two bodies, but your Love is part of what makes the Earth go around the Sun, and the Sun go around the Central Sun, and all the Stars pour forth their Light on Creation. The dynamic of your Twin Love is contained within the moonlit dewdrops in a summer’s night, it is contained within the rainbows, it is contained within the ocean spray and the nectar that the butterflies sip. Open yourself up to that magic movement and understand that you are an intrinsic part of the fabric of life, that all life within this Creation has its foundation in polarity, and polarity is the great engine that moves this particular Creation. Your Love is the fuel of that polarity; your love is the dynamic of that polarity. And once you tap into it, you can experience the Universal Love and the universal dynamic of this motion. You may constrict your focus on the physical desire for your Twin in a Third Dimensional body. But if you reverse your vision and understand that this is but the nerve endings of vast, giant hands touching, and expand that awareness to let this love flow through your heart, then more and more you will see your beloved in everything, in everyone, and everywhere."

Such musings come to mind as I reflect on my thoughts of the past week or two. I seek perfection (in the verb sense, to perfect); it is in my nature. So when I recently found a Finnish translation of Gnostic teacher Samael Aun Weor's book The Perfect Matrimony at the public library, I naturally took it out and started to read, with great interest. The book brought together for me certain hanging threads from previously gathered information: specifically, it brings into focus the razor's-edge road of sacred sex. It purports to reveal the one and only way to incarnate the “soul” by birthing the inner “vehicles,” the astral, mental, and causal Christ-bodies. Far from being in a position to confirm or refute what the old dude is talking about, I find much there that resonates as “truth.” At the same time, while I resonate strongly with much of the Gnostic reality tunnel, I find it also quite unforgiving. I get a sense of extreme demand for impeccability – not a problem in itself, like I said, I am a perfectophile – and very much a sense that its message is only for the few who are ready and able to receive it. I deplore the state of man and this world of traps and lies as much as anyone. I would desperately like to see these things change for the better, and I would definitely desire to be able to freely traverse higher realms and access the clairsentient senses... but I am what I am, where I am. The threshold of the Ninth Sphere is closed to me; my wife was deeply insulted when I said I would like to make love without orgasm. Such a thing does not make sense to her; she would rather be celibate. I do not blame her for my not being allowed or able to follow that path; we are what we are, where we are. I deeply and painfully feel my lack of capacity for authentic, selfless love; I am daily struck with demonstrations of my own weaknesses and failings of character; I am, perhaps, most likely, not a candidate for the path of white magic at this time. I lack certain virtues that only further experience in this dense material-realm dream state can confer. Certain hindrances are in place that are yet to dissolve. So, as constricting and frustrating as my life situation feels at times, I know that these unsatisfactory (to the self) conditions exist for a reason. They provide catalyst for the necessary changes – refinements, realizations, releases from conditioning, etc. – to my ego-self. They force me to do work now that would otherwise take forever. For that, I must try (grin) to be grateful.

One thing I can say in favour of the value of sacred sexual practice, having actually tried it for three days, is that it greatly increased my vital energy. I found it much easier to stay grounded, joyful, positive, calm, enthused, etc. It was like stepping into a much more spiritual-oriented self than the usual struggle with lower impulses. Lord Krishna said, “Success is speedy for the energetic.” I believe sexual energy, properly used and directed, is precisely what he was talking about. So if you can go that route, I do recommend it.


An excerpt from the book “The Perfect Matrimony”, chapter entitled “Love”, written by Samael Aun Weor

To wrap up, I will finish with a realization that came about when I was prevented by technical issues from listening to a highly interesting interview online. There really is no need, in the end, to seek knowledge or affirmation from any outside source. All we need is to talk to the Ineffable as though it really were present. It is the greatest source – the ultimate and only source – of Love and Wisdom and Power. Why wouldn't you try to make friends with it? It's the only thing that really makes sense. So, whatever else you do or don't do, talk to God. Just do it. I'm gonna try, every day. It's never let me down yet. It's the daily practice, the not letting up, that counts for results. That's what I'm told by one who's been there, so I'm not just BSing you from my own ignorance, heh heh. (wink)

OK, I'm gone. See you later, 'bye!

I'm not a fan of the vampire genre. It's one of those things that exists to show us something behind the scenes of mundane reality, as metaphor. Watching movies and TV shows that revel in the thirst for blood probably won't be healthy for a person's consciousness over time, since we do tend to become like that with which we occupy our minds. Entrainment.

A friend noted, when this topic came up yesterday, that there seems to be a heavily sexual connotation with vampirism. I agree, and it goes beyond just Hollywood's artificial glaze of oversexed glamour. Blood is synonymous with the life-force, and sex is the power to create new life. The sexual force is the most intoxicating, intense form of the vital force. It is, I dare say, its very source. That same energy flows in our blood as long as we live, feeding us, and to those who have developed a taste for it, it is delicious beyond compare.

A true vampire is one who survives by stealing the energy of others. A vampiric personality is one that feeds upon the emotional energetic investment (attention, adulation, anger, fear, devotion) of others, in order to fuel itself. Why? Because the being has lost (or forgotten) its own inner connection to the Source of life. Its inner Sun has gone dark, becoming a black hole instead of a fountain of light.

The lesson of the vampire genre, for me, has been, “don't go there, don't be that, don't play that game, ever, if you can see it.” We all have the potential for vampiric behaviour. What it is, is a natural process unbalanced to the point of being turned upside down. Souls in their natural state act in reciprocity: joyfully giving, gladly receiving. When fear and insecurity enter the picture, this process goes into disharmony. And at the extreme end are rape and pillage, slaughter and slavery, with the predators taking what they can by force and deception, and the prey being totally subjugated. This is an image of Hell. And as we know, it has been with us on this planet for so long that some of us don't even question it, let alone challenge it. This resignation to “the way things are” is basically a personal vote for more of the same, that, I suspect, universe will oblige. Unless, of course, there is something radically different about these times that I'm not aware of. The divine is all-powerful... but it acts through individual souls... and the Earth is a planetary soul....



Steal not the energies of thy neighbour, but help her to free her inner Sun from its bonds, and strive to do the same for thyself, that you may both be happy and live forever.