Limits of an Infinite Self

Tyler aka. ravenise (Revolution is in the Air) posted this status on facebook. The comment regarding hedonism is a nice complement to my personal poem loss to find, but as a whole, this thread applies so universally that I thought it was worth sharing with my readers.

A big thank-you to Tyler and everyone who posted.

Greetings of love and peace to you all, my family of Earth-incarnated souls-in-awakening. I've had the grace opportunity to spend four weeks this July on a trip through Finland, hitchhiking with a dear friend and meeting many beautiful brothers and sisters along the way. The trip culminated in two timeless weeks of communion and healing at the Finnish Rainbow Gathering in Hailuoto, an island paradise just a few kilometres from where I live. I've wanted to share something of what I've experienced here with you, but I still don't know what I could possibly say that wouldn't bore the hell out of you to read it... ;-) so I'll just dive in and write something anyway.

Hitchhiking has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager, riding with my dad on long road trips to the wild hunting grounds of northern British Columbia and the sunny, fertile orchards of the Interior. I would gaze at the scenic mountain highway and imagine walking there, far from home, thumbing rides from sympathetic truck drivers and other like-minded motorists. This summer, thanks to fate and a fearless visionary sister who accompanied and supported me, I was able to realize that dream for the first time. Our way brought its share of small trials, but mostly it was miracle after miracle and gift upon gift.

We started by going to the giant happening known as suviseurat, a gathering of the conservative Laestadian "revival movement" in which I was raised. Having more recently, since leaving on my own spiritual path three years ago, made the acquaintance of many whose childhood and youth were much harder than my own, I've come to appreciate more deeply what a gift it was to be able to grow up in such a safe environment, with such a large and close-knit family, both in the nuclear sense (parents and 13 younger siblings) and in the faith community. In the six-plus years I've been in Finland, I've been to all the suvis but one, last year. Each time has been more enjoyable and rewarding than the last, or so it seems looking back. (This year's event in Lumijoki drew a record 90,000 guests.) It may be the fact that I've had time to intellectually explore and sort through the world on my own and experience life from an outside-the-box perspective while seeking answers to life's fundamental questions that now allows me to receive from what's preached there the kernels of wisdom and truth on a deeper level than before. In any case, many of the sermons and songs there touched my heart and soul at least as powerfully as they ever did when I was a believer, but now with a greater clarity and conviction. The rest, I admit, went largely in one ear and out the other (grin). Not worth getting hung up on points of disagreement when there's so much to enjoy otherwise just by being present with the beauty of the moment: the skies, the moods, the people...

My friend and I found a ride leaving the grounds on Monday for Jyväskylä in central Finland. Along the way we had an interesting conversation with a believing lady in her 60s whose present career is in reflexology. Proof, I guess, that a conservative religious belief system need not exclude the use of alternative healing modalities. (I knew a believing woman some years ago who practiced NLP as well. Come to think of it, a high proportion of the believers I know are quite broad-minded and self-aware individuals in spite of the dogmatic, patriarchal nature of the movement's leadership. Application of the "sheeple" epithet in any case might reveal more the arrogance/bitterness/frustration of the one using the term...) Our conversation ended on a rather sad note, however, once the subject of faith came up. It was no surprise to me, but my friend was disappointed to see how unaccepted was her personal faith on the basis of differences of view, and on her latitude of view on what makes a valid spiritual path. It's the "just us" fundie element that probably causes the most needless misery and conflict in connection with the movement. (sigh) Anyway, pointless rant, moving on.

Jyväskylä is a beautiful area with lakes and (almost) mountains that remind me of home in BC. It's also my birthplace and a former hometown of my travel companion. We spent a couple of nights there, one camping out next to the ski jump made famous by Matti Nykänen, and the other at a friend's place. (The ski jump also happens to be the site of my near-attempt at suicide three years ago, chronicled here.) Lovely people were met, important things happened, and our road continued to open up with good fortune in the way of rides and happy times. We made it to Joensuu, eastern Finland, in one evening. There we stayed two days and three nights camping, chilling with a local friend and enjoying the town. Then it was back on the road to Kuopio by thumb, and Paukarlahti by bus.

Paukarlahti County was the location of last year's European Rainbow, quite a large gathering which I unfortunately missed at the time. We were out of the loop as to where the Finnish Rainbow was being held this year, so Paukarlahti was our best shot at finding it. But first we had to find the right place! Walked all night looking for it, checking every side road along the whole length of the rural municipality. Exhausted, we finally gave up and made camp next to the cemetery... and in the morning, discovered that we'd actually found the right place by accident! We met the lady of the farm, who invited us to stay on the Rainbow site proper and informed us of this year's location in Hailuoto. The day and night we spent at the Paukarlahti site felt like an entire week - it was such a magical place and we lived so fully in the moment.

More hitchhiking adventure and answered prayers took us to Hailuoto, and that is where the story continues....

let me serve you and all as you

let your purpose be fulfilled in me

let me surrender to your living force

let all that I am, all that I do
be a living sacrifice unto you

let my soul walk the path that is best
for no path is better and all are blessed
in you
to you
by you

let me see myself as I am
and you as you are
and all as it is

I am you
you are me
let me know that we are one
that we are not separate

let me embody your love, your wisdom and your power

I am your child, let me remember
who I am and return to your embrace

let me lose my fear and doubt
free me from my pain and guilt
let illusions fall away

renew my faith
restore my sanity
repair the damage that I've done

wipe away all jealousy and violence
transcend all pettiness and discord
melt away all obstacles to love
transmute all passions into love

illuminate the darkness in my soul
bring awareness and compassion
to the hidden, unforgiven parts of me
through full acceptance set them free

let me create and share with joy
without vanity or self-importance
or personal ambition
in recognition
of who it is that does all things
in all of us and through us all

imbue all things with meaning
let them manifest your pure intent

let me live as you live
as one perfect beholder of one perfect moment
that composes all eternity

walk with me, let me be your friend
for better friend there cannot be
than you who animate my very being
who lift the fallen up to their place
and gift the worlds with untold grace

Tom at Montalk.net has been working on a series of in-depth research articles concerning the Big Picture of what's going on on Earth and in the cosmos, focusing on the role of advanced alchemy, or as he calls it, high Demiurgic technology, in a time war scenario where the prize is the destiny of the universe. One side in this spiritual war is led by the corrupted Demiurge toward materialism and hierarchy, and the other is led by the Christos toward awakening and liberation. How this pertains to us personally, I leave to your own insight and imagination... but if you're interested in such things, I recommend you check out this series.

1 - Corruption of the Demiurge

2 - The Philosopher's Stone

3 - The Holy Grail

4 - Ark of the Covenant

5 - Mosaic Abuse of Demiurgic Technology

6 - Nordic Aliens and the Grail Race

7 - Dawn of a New Cosmic Day

... and more to come...

I received this letter from a friend who is traveling light through Europe. It touched me deeply, and it is my pleasure to share it here with you. Kiitos, my friend!


Dearest, loveliest, brightest beings of my life

I prefer a hello to a goodbye,
a hug to a handshake,
a smile to a frown

and these things are always sweetest when shared,
so this is a note appreciating the encounters I have recently engaged in,
since packing my life in a bag again and raising my thumb on the roadside.

Straight from dental surgery to the road, with a tooth less of wisdom, my first ride took me all the way to my next destination. I spent time with an old friend whom i used to bake mudcakes with and swing and sing and play and all those childhood things... now we both restrict the play time to our work, which keeps us both young at heart, I think.
Early on on the way, I was swallowed by Helsinki culture for a week. I found new beautiful people, a stone shop and some sunshine spots perfect for reading wise words from prophets and storytellers. Even though on the road it is difficult to find time on my own, I've been lucky enough to receive such generosity that allows me to soak in a bath with a book and spend a night watching late tv - both luxuries to me as such..

I saw my cousins in Turku, and got to peek into their lives and enjoy ice cream in the park with a very charming 3yr old. My uncle offered to take me to Oslo and so I jumped on a truck within a few hours notice and sailed and sat my way to Norway. First night I slept at the hospital, visiting my old neighbor and friend from college. Eating ice cream, taking the ferry back and forth in the Oslo fjord and adventuring off into greenery became my new routine. Then, I met the amazing elves and fairies of Oslo, suddenly smiles, brighteyes and love was all around, melodies, visions and connections grew through the night into a moment eternalized - happiness.

For those friends who don't consider themselves 'brighteyed' I can only say that this is my way of life, I lead my own journey with an open heart, I trust strangers, but most of all my instincts and I consider each and everyone worth the same, immeasurable value. People can learn from each other, both happy and hurtful things, but what matters is the peace of mind inside you. These communities made of 'alternative' people who live their little eccentric lives in relative harmony, out of the masses' way, are so full of beauty, creativity and trust that they are like recharge places for my little lantern of positivity and goodness.
It has become my lifeline, to be conscious about the energy people emit and how it influences the events in their lives. Hearing stories from you, my friends, has convinced me, on top of my own experience, that the attitude you reflect will also be reflected back to you. Some people are mirrors, others are chaos, yet others are stars and some even try to turn into stone. Whatever form and frame of mind you choose to occupy will influence the decisions and thoughts as well as directions and destinations you end up taking. Of course I am only running experiments with this theory at the moment, practicing 'being free' to the fullest extent I can..

Can you picture freedom? Is it really something we can 'have' or 'be'? Essentially I think it is freedom from thought patterns, certain repetitions of screwed up formulas we normally function by. Is routine the opposite of spontaneous living? and if so, we should still be free to choose routine, if we so wanted and that made us happy. Is freedom about happiness though?

As you can see, I am still struggling with freedom. It is so vast and full of choices that I try to avoid making, letting the natural course of things take hold and steer my ship. I am free to go or to stay, to have whatever I want for dinner, to spend my time as I best see.. Our lives are based on some basic freedom, but to extend it, I chose to leave my beloved community in Oulu and venture once again to places old and new. I am free, no work, no home, no obligations for the time being, enough money to survive and plenty of friends, all unique and precious in their own way. I am free to also have moments of doubt, whether I chose to leave or ran away, I long to go back sometimes, just a few steps, stay, enjoy this being-together for a while longer, whether I should...

Freedom is difficult to master. I may not pay electricity bills, but I do lose my money in other ways. I may be a strong, independent woman but I can still gamble my heart away and chase daydreams...

Believe it or not, perhaps I am waiting for someone to tell me to 'Stay'.

But, mostly, freedom is about listening to your heart.

I left Oslo, like I left Oulu, and I hitchhiked to Gothenburg and spend some delightful time with two bright souls living happily in Sweden. I had a pressing agenda though, to get back to Holland, where most of my college friends still are, so many places in distant timelines that carry great memory value to me. It is wonderful to visit the past and notice it has become the future. It has been two weeks now, of soaking under the blanket of dutch clouds, being safe amongst the people I once lived, loved and shared with. I soak on sunlight, soak in culinary feasts, soak in substances distorting my sense of time and space, inducing myself into a condition where I can take off...once again...to the next place, to the next shining light of my life.

I was going to write about the midnight bonfire in Lapland, and the songs in the streets and how I danced into another dimension, again, the other day.. I was going to write to you about the people and what we did, but I realize that those things are not mine to tell, they can be shared, created anew, when we next meet.

Question your decisions, practice freedom (for it takes a lot of practice) and hopefully, we are all one step closer to harmony.

Tell me about it :)

Love, peace, all those warm n fuzzy things..

□□□ [anonymous for now!]

rainbow fire coming down
white feathers floating on the breeze
a living water filling me
as I lie here on the ground

greetings from eternal love

it comes from somewhere, nowhere, everywhere
it comes from where it's always been
a locked-up treasure box inside
too precious to keep open wide?
but tell me, then, now that you taste
of love's sweet sav(i)or once again
what reason could there ever be
to not seek that delightful sea
of grace and life's fertility?

I am unworthy, wretched, full of sin
distracted, fearful, absent, numb
too broken to make efforts strong
my will a prisoner perdu
in psychic iron dungeons deep

and yet

I am here

and I know

my Sun has not forgotten me

it hears the prayer of my soul
and touches me
like rainbow fire
feathered breeze
and living water
filling me

a visitation
from the heaven of my heart

which I and all my many selves
can only wonder at
and few, so few have wits enough
to thank, and stoke that gemstone flame
with works of love, day by day
and so we wander
strangers, fools
except the few
who leave all else
to follow Love
and find true Self.

Hello again. I've just returned from a couple days' quiet time and fasting. I finished up with a visit from my friends Amanita Muscaria and Cannabis Sativa. This came about in a spontaneous sort of way, starting with watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (one of the better comedies out there) and gorging on homemade chili to the point where I really couldn't eat any more, and felt very OK with not eating for a while. I also turned off and put away all electronics for the duration, including the cell phone, and busied myself with cleaning my apartment from top to bottom.

I'd found that smoking the herb in more recent times has put me in a highly sensitive state, where the slightest fear, insecurity, lack of trust, resistance, or negative thought pattern can turn a rising flight into a nosedive. It takes a clear mind and a light heart to reach the heights. Fortunately, I've found fly agaric is good for dumping doubts and fears and perceiving things more timelessly, freed somewhat from ordinary constraints placed upon reality by the ego.

The sensitivity brought on by the herb means that, since I can't avoid the encounters with darkness, I must have something on which to rely, to overcome the pull of the dark. I've tried trees and people, but they can only do so much. There's really nothing external that can do it in the end. And so I fixed my mind, focused it upon the all-pervading, all-encompassing truth that is Love.



I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllloooooooooovvvvvvvvveee yyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu...



I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM Love.

I AM.



In the name of Love, I am Love.

In the name of Love, I command that Love is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that joy is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that understanding is increasing.

In the name of Love, I command that a golden age is coming to Earth.

In the name of Love, I command that this dark age is passing away.

In the name of Love, I command that every soul is achieving its desire.

In the name of Love, I am Love.



Relying upon this vibration of Love, the total acceptance of what is, and aligning my attraction toward the ever-climbing spiral of knowing and being, I was able to come through this experience/experiment/test with no disappointments and no regrets. It was a well-taken step on the road of the Sun.


P.S. Many thanks to Les Visible for his inspiring piece Higher Love and the Mastery of the World. It was the perfect kick-start for my trip!

I'm not a fan of the vampire genre. It's one of those things that exists to show us something behind the scenes of mundane reality, as metaphor. Watching movies and TV shows that revel in the thirst for blood probably won't be healthy for a person's consciousness over time, since we do tend to become like that with which we occupy our minds. Entrainment.

A friend noted, when this topic came up yesterday, that there seems to be a heavily sexual connotation with vampirism. I agree, and it goes beyond just Hollywood's artificial glaze of oversexed glamour. Blood is synonymous with the life-force, and sex is the power to create new life. The sexual force is the most intoxicating, intense form of the vital force. It is, I dare say, its very source. That same energy flows in our blood as long as we live, feeding us, and to those who have developed a taste for it, it is delicious beyond compare.

A true vampire is one who survives by stealing the energy of others. A vampiric personality is one that feeds upon the emotional energetic investment (attention, adulation, anger, fear, devotion) of others, in order to fuel itself. Why? Because the being has lost (or forgotten) its own inner connection to the Source of life. Its inner Sun has gone dark, becoming a black hole instead of a fountain of light.

The lesson of the vampire genre, for me, has been, “don't go there, don't be that, don't play that game, ever, if you can see it.” We all have the potential for vampiric behaviour. What it is, is a natural process unbalanced to the point of being turned upside down. Souls in their natural state act in reciprocity: joyfully giving, gladly receiving. When fear and insecurity enter the picture, this process goes into disharmony. And at the extreme end are rape and pillage, slaughter and slavery, with the predators taking what they can by force and deception, and the prey being totally subjugated. This is an image of Hell. And as we know, it has been with us on this planet for so long that some of us don't even question it, let alone challenge it. This resignation to “the way things are” is basically a personal vote for more of the same, that, I suspect, universe will oblige. Unless, of course, there is something radically different about these times that I'm not aware of. The divine is all-powerful... but it acts through individual souls... and the Earth is a planetary soul....



Steal not the energies of thy neighbour, but help her to free her inner Sun from its bonds, and strive to do the same for thyself, that you may both be happy and live forever.

is the missing link.

You know it's missing when you feel like you're dying inside and nothing works.

You know you've found it when you see yourself and things around you open up with grace and possibility and beauty.

Thank you, all my most beautiful friends, for the tremendous help I have received in these trying times. I treasure this grace seed of wisdom. May it flower and bear fruit for the great harvest to come.

Aloha!

Well, here we are. Another May 1st celebration come and gone here in alcohol-fueled Suomi-land... and another bullshit manufactured "news" item to stoke the fires of the war industry (War on Humanity, War = Peace!) in this glorious Kali Yuga, Age of Inversion! We are truly in the shit, knee-deep if not higher. It is a sublimely ridiculous thing to observe (and thank God for those who do observe). Appearances conspire, orchestrated by mysterious ways that merely play their part in the service of the One-and-All, to engender confusion, delusion and despair in those whose hearts are too clouded over with wishful thinking, or hate, or fear, to see What Is.

Judgment... or discernment?

Definitive dogma... or ineffable truth?

Where do we stand???

Your complacency is a buffer. Your puffed-up zeal, a blinder. What do you know? Nothing, but what you've been allowed to perceive in accordance with your lack of self-importance and selfish denial. Open your senses. Pray to have the unvarnished truth revealed, bit by bit, to your starving consciousness. LET. GO. of your need to impose upon reality. Accept that you're a part of it, a piece in the game. Ask to be granted the presence and the good grace of the Player, the guidance of the Supreme Director. Renounce whatever obstacles you can see to the further enhancement of that connection. Take all experience as a teacher. Make use of all the opportunities for new learning, the challenges and the tests of life. Take life as it comes, with total acceptance. Seek the peace within. If you can't fully abide in it, then at least remember that it's there, waiting for you to be ready.

I'm not here to tell you anything you don't already know. Screw me and my pretensions. What matters is you. In this very moment. Be there for yourself. BE. YOURSELF. Breathe the essence of God. Forget everything else; you are that essence.

I'm a little bit drunk, just had a few. I suppose I needed this state this time around, to break the inhibition. I'm sorry for that. It's a rare thing. Next time I'll be in a clearer state. Take this whatever-it-is for whatever it's worth.

All the best, may your days be blessed. Thank you for all that you do, as a fellow piece of God. And may the peace of God be with you.