Limits of an Infinite Self

This is a good game. It's called "The Truth."
- Dimitri Moisevich in 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)



The search for truth is a game.

I don't think one could have made that statement so straightforwardly even a generation ago. Back in the seventies and eighties, it seems to me, before the world was hooked up to this thing called Internet, truth-seeking would have been an activity that pretty much had to be taken seriously. The truth-seekers of that time would have mostly been out there doing original, painstaking research in the real world. Most of them would have operated in near-isolation from one another, compared to the effortlessness of network-building and collaboration today. Getting one's work published was another hurdle. The readership would have been a very small, very marginal group, scattered, so to speak, on the intellectual fringes of society.

Forgive me if my imaginings reflect poorly the reality of that time; I wasn't there myself. What I can say from experience is that in this present time, information is so readily available to anyone with even a casual interest that the whole concept of “truth-seeking” has exploded far beyond the limits of yesterday. It doesn't have to be an all-consuming path of dedication to a particular field of inquiry, nor is it necessarily the hard-core consumption of fringe lore from stacks of rare books. Beyond these primary and secondary levels, a previously-minimal third level has opened up: the level of the casual truth-seeker. The net-surfing approach is now the arena of choice for many, including those who would not even describe what they are doing as “seeking truth.” What curious mind, in this online environment, has not come across the major memes of conspiracy fact, theory, disinfo, and delusion? These thought-viruses have replicated through the memestream, cross-breeding, mutating (and being engineered, too) along the way, until the entirety has become just another fact of life, a whole genre of mind-games available to the people alongside their other everyday pursuits. This is not to unduly trivialize any of it; it's just an observation.

Obviously, truth-seeking in general is much broader than just the areas most actively sequestered (and infiltrated) by the powers-that-be, such as parapolitics, black-project shenanigans, and the powers-behind-the-powers-that-be. Anyone who engages in this game for any length of time soon discovers how interrelated it all is across the entire scope of human life. It becomes apparent that the so-called “mainstream” consensus reality is really just a system of externally-imposed programs that are held together, perpetuated, and fed into by those who believe in them: a Matrix control system. It may not be as immediately apparent, however, just how vulnerable that system is.

The system is predicated on belief, but its greatest power lies in fear. Many people may not really believe in all of it, especially now since the lies are becoming more transparent with every passing day, but still go along with most of it. Take voting, for example. Most of us know (or at least strongly suspect) by now, from experience, that voting in elections doesn't really matter a whole lot. We know most politicians are pathological liars and opportunists. We've seen administration after administration come in with honeyed words and the hopes of a nation, only to go out with disgrace and broken promises. And always, no matter what parties are in power, the economy ends up worse than before, wars continue, civil liberties are eroded, and corporate interests trump the interests of the people. HELLO? Anyone see a pattern? This isn't working! And still we go to the polls on election day and feel a vague sense of satisfaction, as though we've done our duty as citizens of a proud democracy. What? We know that's not true. It's just rhetoric and bullshit to keep things running the way they have been. But the alternative would be to admit to ourselves that we are more than just voters, or consumers, or (let's just use the word) slaves, aka “hard-working taxpayers.” We are unique, sovereign human beings with the innate freedom to create whatever reality we collectively and individually choose. We fear that kind of freedom. The system wants us to fear it, to deny its existence, to willingly give it up in favour of a ready-made machine world with a ready-made place for us as replaceable little parts in a big machine. And lest we forget our place, we are constantly shown what happens to those who have no place, who were born to the wrong parents, who didn't work hard enough, who defied the system. We're taught to fear poverty and crime and terrorism. Fear the cops. Fear the conservative agenda. Fear the liberal agenda. Fear the Illuminati agenda. Fear the apocalypse. Fear for your own survival in a world that's hostile and demanding but that might just give you a few creature comforts to fill your inner void if you only play by the rules. And if all else fails, just tune into an endless stream of mind-numbing distraction. Yessir, it's great to be alive in this postmodern dystopian nightmare. Or....

... Is there something else? A truth that's more than just a virtual-reality game? Something real and intimate that might just be the key to the kingdom of heaven on earth?

If there is such a thing, isn't it worth seeking? I believe it is.

And maybe when we're done seeking, we'll realize that it was something we had all along.



I am another you
And you are another me.
Thank you, just for being you
And being a mirror for me.

I suppose I'll start by describing a dream I had last night. In point of fact, I did not dream it at night, because I actually slept from morning to evening, after staying up watching the SF anime classic Akira and the comedy classic Monty Python's The Meaning of Life on DVD, which may serve to provide a bit of context.

Essentially, the dream was about me being cajoled, enticed, tempted, and drawn into a state of total powerlessness. The process began in earnest when I found myself hypnotized by the soft, flickering bluish glow of a little LCD monitor that was showing a movie of some kind. That was the tipping point, when I slid into apathy toward the “real world” around me. Soon, through my lack of effective resistance to the reassuring but treacherous hypnotic suggestions of “agents” around me, I found myself lying on a sort of hospital bed that was more like an operating table in actual function. The sexy “nurses” projected the impression that they were there to help me, that they had only my best interest at heart, and that the best thing I could do was relax and let them do their job. By the time I realized that their true intentions were less than benevolent, it was too late. My muscles would no longer respond, due to some drug they'd injected in me. They began their work by taking samples, violating my body with their needles in a way that was simply humiliating. Mercifully, I lost consciousness. My last, dimly felt emotions before slipping away completely were outrage and resentment.

Oddly enough, those emotions came back to haunt me when I woke up and read my mail. Through simple incompetence more than any plausible ill will, the tax bureau is still operating as though I were an entrepreneur making a modest living off of my business, which has been officially defunct since September and only ever really existed on paper to begin with. In reality, I don't owe them a dime, but they still sent me invoices for hundreds of euros that I'm supposedly due to pay this year. Realistically, it's only a matter of a visit or two to the local tax office to clear it up, but the infuriating emotional impact of the letter came regardless of that fact. It doesn't help things that I'm already caught up in a more advanced stage of a similar, less easily resolved game with an evil, bloodsucking little company that managed to “sell” me a worthless, yet ridiculously expensive Google advertising package on the phone last summer before I even knew what the hell was up. The wheels of legal action in that case are already turning, and I really don't think there's anything I can do. I'm not equipped to defend myself against that sort of thing, and I suspect the law may well be on their side. So I suppose I'll see where that goes. I'd really like to see them just choke on their own vomit. It's not like they'll ever see the money. I'm more likely to receive a prison sentence, haha.

So the darkness is closing in, even as the days get longer up here in the north. The web of the matrix tightens. I made mention earlier of some plans I've been cooking up. I feel obligated on some level to make a disclosure, but I think it's too early to go into detail just yet. I have made my intentions known to some, though, and if the surveillance/intelligence complex is doing its job, then the data is already in its files. (conspiratorial wink)

I will say that by the time summer is in bloom, I intend to be off the grid and hopefully off the radar of officialdom. Worldly security and status hold very little allure for me, now less than ever. I do find myself caught, though, between the impulse to continue creating and displaying my whimsical little works of material configurations, and the impulse to drop everything, let go of my material attachments, and withdraw from the mainstream entirely. I do believe there is a middle road encompassing both, if I can only traverse it. I just need to figure out exactly how. I've got some ideas. Time will reveal the right course of action. I have already consulted the runes and the pendulum regarding the basic nature of what I'm set to go through, and I will probably make use of them and other modes of communication with higher self in the near future.

The dog poet is on something of a hiatus and that (or whatever invisible causes are behind that) is affecting my mood as well. His latest audio broadcast was, however, very comforting and very touching. He read some lovely poetry in there. I would recommend it to anyone.

Overwhelmingly, in my more conscious hours (there are times of relative oblivion too), my heart is crying out to the higher power that governs all things with ultimate perfection.

Help me to see. I want to see. Please show me more.

Lord, grant me strength.

How much longer will You allow evil to rampage unchecked in the world? How much longer? Until 2012? 2050? If it were up to me, Lord, I would start turning things around right now. I suppose you are too wise and perfect to think as I do. Evil will destroy itself eventually, though, won't it? When it has run its course, served its purpose in the dreaming of Your children.

Lord, take away from me that which is holding me back. Help me to subdue my petulant and demanding ego. No, not subdue: merely help it to see that it is not the one in charge, and that it has nothing to fear by releasing its desire to always be in control.

I know that I have a path to tread in this life. I chose it before I came here. However haltingly and imperfectly, I know that I am on it right now and have always been. Everything that comes into my life has a purpose. Help me to see it through the impartial eyes of divinity as the perfection that it is.

Thank You, Lord, for being with me. For guiding my every step, for protecting me, for comforting me. For testing me and trying me, though never more than I can bear. You provide for every need of my body and soul. Above all, You grant me freedom in every moment, to choose my own experience. I am Your child, and one day I will return to You and give you back all that I am, all that I have gained through all my millions and billions of years of existence.

Thank You.