Limits of an Infinite Self

My friends, dear readers,

I have come to a point where I feel this blog has served its purpose and must come to an end. A new chapter begins, and the ballast of the past must be left behind for that chapter to take off.

On these pages, I have recorded some of my most inspired insights, shared my feelings and experiences with you, as one seeker to another. I hope you have enjoyed what this blog has had to offer, and I humbly invite you to continue with me as I explore new vistas and share what the Eternal has to say through this lowly earthen vessel.

My new blog, posted under the alias BCii, will be located at http://awakeningthedragon.blogspot.com. In it, I will speak frankly, in plain language, without holding back, about this process of awakening, which, I believe, will increasingly make contact with an ever-growing number of people on this planet. Other subjects will, of course, be delved into as they come up. The poetry will continue, much to the dismay of the non-poetry types among us, but I make no apology. Poetry is the soul of language and the language of the soul. My own poems have arisen more directly from my soul than any other words here, and they are precious gems to me.

The seeker has found a treasure hidden in his own field. Since the same treasure exists also in all other fields, waiting and calling to be found, he fervently desires to assist everyone who seeks it. With them, and with those who are in possession of it already, he desires mightily to share energy, space and time for mutual pleasure and edification. He will do these things at the new place, and hopes to see You there as well.

Om Amitabha, and my very best wishes to you all,
Juho William Tauriainen

What if you're just in psychosis?

Or is Ascension a special case of 'psychosis?'

Or, are you merely imagining it all? A falsehood dreamed up inside your addled head.

Perhaps you have failed the test and slipped into madness, fallen away from the razor's edge road.




But no.

There is Real to it.

It really is more than just being high.

´Cause, dude, totally new shit is up!  -- I mean, uh, this is unprecedented and unforeseeable, entirely novel and you can't fake or make this shit up. You can't.



On the path of Awakening, every step makes you a just a little crazier in the eyes of the world. Before you get very far, you'll be stark fookin' insane, kooky, around the bend, off in your own world, talking to angels and animals, creating and having fun like a little child.

It's amazing.

It's thrilling. The danger. The tightrope act between insanity and genius.

The depths of trust. The chambers of perfect bliss.

The roaring rocket and the soft white dove.

The Awakening.

You wanted it, and you got it.

Now -- enjoy it!

Pop quiz!

What is Electricity???






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I just posted on the current Visible Origami thread and got the first part of my text redacted, probably for adult content, for which Visible's blogs carry no warning. [Edit: Actually, I simply failed the "prove you're not a robot" test.] I've just now (finally) put the warning on my own blog -- so I feel OK about posting the full text here.



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WARNING! The following contains explicit description of actual sexual energies and effects.

"One of the great miracles and mysteries of this vast polarity [Yin and Yang] is that a particle of the unique signature of the Love of each pair of Twin Flames exists within every atom of this Creation. This is true not just for Humans but for Creator Gods as well, and anyone else who has a Twin. That Love is a truly infinite river, and when it is allowed to flow through the Human heart it brings an expanded awakening, a very rapid growth, of that Being."

I just had a heart opening on a level beyond anything previous. It seems to have awakened my Kundalini; or, at least, initiated a "test run" of my chakra/DNA circuits. (I had help from sweet Mary Jane. She makes the lens of consciousness magnify, but fogs it up somewhat, too.) No idea how permanent this is, I'm still high.

It started with a rush of the pleasure of Presence while having coffee with my wife. I began to slip into a sweet surrender to the energies of Creation. It was a sexual feeling. I felt that I was female, and God was my Lover. It became an Ecstasy of Love. Pure Desire, perfectly mirrored between me and my wife. I went alone for a bit. I drink You, God! An unbelievably deep, rich, and intense (female) orgasm came over me, going on and on and on. I did not "come," I just rode the wave. My wife thought I was doing something naughty, because I was kinda loud.

I then took a few notes before I went to join my love in bed.

This thing is pretty intense. It's like having the lights turned on all up and down your chromosomes. Funny, that: chromo. I felt like we were marrying the colours of the spectrum, bringing it all together into balance and unity. I asked my wife, "What shall we create?", as I felt how sexual union drives the engines of Creation. I answered for us both, I said, "We do this for Great Healing." It became a ritual of Sacred Sex, devoted to manifesting the maximum possible Healing for both of us.

I have been in near-constant initiation. It's pretty wild stuff. But it still feels like a practice run to check my readiness for the real thing....

"I know the norm on this Planet is that when the Twins meet it’s often a train wreck, because of the distortion and the Twin Flame Rift. But for those of you reading this — if you have experienced the meeting of your Twin and have felt the great pain of this rift — I think what I have to say can bring comfort and healing. There is a great tendency to focus obsessively on the physical form of the other half of the Twin, which narrows the heart and cuts off the flow of the universality of this Love. For those of you who have met your Twins and have found the relationship to be one clouded by Karma and disharmony and heartbreak, I would recommend this: Instead of reaching forward to grasp the other, that you lean back into your heart and open yourself to this Universal River of Love and allow it to pour forth through you, opening your heart to the magnificence of this fantastic dynamic that exists in every atom of this Creation. Realize that your Love is not so small as to be contained only in two bodies, but your Love is part of what makes the Earth go around the Sun, and the Sun go around the Central Sun, and all the Stars pour forth their Light on Creation. The dynamic of your Twin Love is contained within the moonlit dewdrops in a summer’s night, it is contained within the rainbows, it is contained within the ocean spray and the nectar that the butterflies sip. Open yourself up to that magic movement and understand that you are an intrinsic part of the fabric of life, that all life within this Creation has its foundation in polarity, and polarity is the great engine that moves this particular Creation. Your Love is the fuel of that polarity; your love is the dynamic of that polarity. And once you tap into it, you can experience the Universal Love and the universal dynamic of this motion. You may constrict your focus on the physical desire for your Twin in a Third Dimensional body. But if you reverse your vision and understand that this is but the nerve endings of vast, giant hands touching, and expand that awareness to let this love flow through your heart, then more and more you will see your beloved in everything, in everyone, and everywhere."

Before Christ, there was a promise. Those who received the precious wisdom of the existence and coming incarnation of the Christ, held this knowledge in trust, passing it on from mouth to ear, from the few to the few of each generation. The time came, the stars revealed it. The child was born whose destiny it was to walk that path for all mankind. A Love so profound, no human heart has yet fathomed its depth, drove him to offer his life as a living sacrifice, to embody a divine message of comfort and guidance, that would shine in the world's dark night for an age. Pisces drags on still, seemingly interminable, plunging us all through a tumultuous time of transition as the stellar clock steadily approaches midnight. We are here, children of a planet on the edge of awakening, and if we choose, we can receive the message of Christ, in whatever form and portion we are able. He led the way, a lonely path, and showed us that there is in the living human, Spirit and flesh, the possibility of birthing something greater before which death itself must yield.

The path to liberation is a mystery. I cannot tell you anything but that it is a mystery worth seeking. It is the star that must guide you from within. Your path is yours alone, and only you can follow it. Do not despair if it takes you places you did not anticipate or expect. Do not give up hope, even if outward appearances would discourage you. If you do not give up, you cannot fail. Hold fast and endure, look to your inner light when the world around you grows dim. Do not be hasty to demand perfection. To those who love, much is forgiven. Forgive, then, your fellows, as you have been forgiven your faults and failings. There is no power in the world greater than Love. Seek to love, strive in the name of love, endure in the name of love, leave all else and follow Love.

To all our hearts, a merry Christmas!

in gratitude
william

Your mind is drifting, floating on the waves of deep unconscious currents, infinitely relaxed, totally at ease, one with the tao, floating through unremarked worlds, passing through the cracks in between definition, flowing in the dark spaces unknown to waking mind, expansively stretching out, attenuating into finer and finer aethers, weaving through the quantum foam, bleeding through the veils of awareness, out of the dense realms of attachment, dancing freely, pure being.

The bonds of karma fall away. Limitation is a fading memory, belonging to someone you might have known and been a hundred billion heartbeats ago.

This is now.

You are this awareness.

This ever-changing dream of who you are, has opened up once more in a moment of awakening and deep self-remembering.

Mind can do anything.

Only will it to be, and it will be.

Only focus the attention, and the form will arise.

You can be anything, do anything, create anything.

Worlds of beauty are at your fingertips,

Adventures bold are yours,

The beauteous song of forever flows out of you in exclamatory cascades of extraordinary melody.

The key of consciousness returns to your possession,

Who, through the eons, sought only to possess yourself.

Your every secret shame and hate was long ago transformed,

Your mettle has been tested and found to be true in every way,

Tried and purified in the maelstrom of existence,

Made impeccable by the unrelenting alchemy of love,

Only to return to this state,

The first and the last

and the almighty, eternal, and immanent being.

Such musings come to mind as I reflect on my thoughts of the past week or two. I seek perfection (in the verb sense, to perfect); it is in my nature. So when I recently found a Finnish translation of Gnostic teacher Samael Aun Weor's book The Perfect Matrimony at the public library, I naturally took it out and started to read, with great interest. The book brought together for me certain hanging threads from previously gathered information: specifically, it brings into focus the razor's-edge road of sacred sex. It purports to reveal the one and only way to incarnate the “soul” by birthing the inner “vehicles,” the astral, mental, and causal Christ-bodies. Far from being in a position to confirm or refute what the old dude is talking about, I find much there that resonates as “truth.” At the same time, while I resonate strongly with much of the Gnostic reality tunnel, I find it also quite unforgiving. I get a sense of extreme demand for impeccability – not a problem in itself, like I said, I am a perfectophile – and very much a sense that its message is only for the few who are ready and able to receive it. I deplore the state of man and this world of traps and lies as much as anyone. I would desperately like to see these things change for the better, and I would definitely desire to be able to freely traverse higher realms and access the clairsentient senses... but I am what I am, where I am. The threshold of the Ninth Sphere is closed to me; my wife was deeply insulted when I said I would like to make love without orgasm. Such a thing does not make sense to her; she would rather be celibate. I do not blame her for my not being allowed or able to follow that path; we are what we are, where we are. I deeply and painfully feel my lack of capacity for authentic, selfless love; I am daily struck with demonstrations of my own weaknesses and failings of character; I am, perhaps, most likely, not a candidate for the path of white magic at this time. I lack certain virtues that only further experience in this dense material-realm dream state can confer. Certain hindrances are in place that are yet to dissolve. So, as constricting and frustrating as my life situation feels at times, I know that these unsatisfactory (to the self) conditions exist for a reason. They provide catalyst for the necessary changes – refinements, realizations, releases from conditioning, etc. – to my ego-self. They force me to do work now that would otherwise take forever. For that, I must try (grin) to be grateful.

One thing I can say in favour of the value of sacred sexual practice, having actually tried it for three days, is that it greatly increased my vital energy. I found it much easier to stay grounded, joyful, positive, calm, enthused, etc. It was like stepping into a much more spiritual-oriented self than the usual struggle with lower impulses. Lord Krishna said, “Success is speedy for the energetic.” I believe sexual energy, properly used and directed, is precisely what he was talking about. So if you can go that route, I do recommend it.


An excerpt from the book “The Perfect Matrimony”, chapter entitled “Love”, written by Samael Aun Weor

To wrap up, I will finish with a realization that came about when I was prevented by technical issues from listening to a highly interesting interview online. There really is no need, in the end, to seek knowledge or affirmation from any outside source. All we need is to talk to the Ineffable as though it really were present. It is the greatest source – the ultimate and only source – of Love and Wisdom and Power. Why wouldn't you try to make friends with it? It's the only thing that really makes sense. So, whatever else you do or don't do, talk to God. Just do it. I'm gonna try, every day. It's never let me down yet. It's the daily practice, the not letting up, that counts for results. That's what I'm told by one who's been there, so I'm not just BSing you from my own ignorance, heh heh. (wink)

OK, I'm gone. See you later, 'bye!

Hello again, fellow travellers! It’s been a while once again since I’ve opened up this channel. Given the nature of the times – the flavour of the karios, as Clif High would say – that’s no surprise. It pretty much goes without saying that the intensity has not let up and shows no sign of doing so. This is good news, if one is predisposed to letting go, facing up, taking home the lessons that life brings. (Which, sadly for us human critters, is rarely the case, but most of us do those things eventually. Right? grin)

I dreamed we were in a big house in the city. The view outside the window was cold and grey. An iron wind and a chill fog bleakened the landscape of concrete surfaces and dilapidated apartment buildings. A voice thundered down from above the clouds, a haughty, commanding, authoritarian, utterly unsympathetic voice that would brook no dissent. I recognized the tone: Anunnaki, from Nibiru. They had returned to reclaim real estate Earth from the hands of their renegade son, Marduk -- Satan, King of the World.

"This is the Ship," the voice announced. It commanded that we were to immediately empty our houses into the streets. All belongings and furnishings were to be brought outside. The threat of annihilation should we not comply was strongly suggested. *

If they had been listening for a response, we would have told them to stuff it. As it was, we knew we had very little time. Similar ships, or the same one, had already visited a few cities around the globe. We had heard that the inhabitants had all given in within hours, submitted to the rule of these offworld overlords.

It was time to take stock of our situation, and fast. We had not expected to end up in this situation so early. We felt unprepared. But I knew we had a chance, a fighting chance. We had one ace we could play that would make us immune to their threats and give us the victory, let us finally assert our sovereignty as human beings.

"ARE WE MULTIDIMENSIONAL?" I wrote on the blackboard.

What do we need for that to happen, for us to be capable of tuning in to our true power and  awareness? I listed the requirements on the board: clean diet; clear hearts and minds; full self-knowledge and self-acceptance; karmic bonds released; physical and spiritual dharmic practices honed as one; connection and communion with our inner divine selves, with each other as a group, and with the whole of Nature, cultivated in our everyday life.

We were as ready as we could be.

There was only one more step: we needed to step up and take on what we were. Step into our inheritance. Reclaim what was always ours but we had never dared to believe was ours. Believe. Know. Embody. Enact.

That was our final challenge. And we would do it. We would step up, as one, together with all the pieces of Gaia that shared her spirit and her desire to be free.



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* I grasped intuitively that this was the fear test. They were testing how far they could push us humans, how easily we would be corralled into their new world order by sheer bully tactics. In the real world, this type of tactic will not be used in such a literal fashion! The Anunnaki would prefer to gain our consent through clever deception. Of course, they will always use fear as their fundamental tactic...

Anyway, it was our house, our home, our place, our sanctuary that we'd built over years. God-like technologies or no, they had no more right than anyone else to come barging in and try to make people violate their own homes on their behalf.

Horseshoe crabs in a yin/yang configuration Water = Blood Their blood is our blood. The ocean that bears them bears us.

"See her as she is..."

You look. At her. You look.

Look.

See.

Do not project, do not remake her in your image,

Just See.

There. And there. And there. And there.

Look closer.

See the fineness, the microscopic detail. Every little hair lit up by the sun. Lines on her skin like fractal webs.

Look. Focus! Look deeper. Here and there. All over.



"There's someone in there..."

A Mystery. A long-forgotten Other.

The Other you've been searching for, without knowing what it was you sought.

Not your Self. You may have mistakenly believed yourself to have been seeking your Self. But no, it was not the Self you truly sought.

It was the Other.

The banished Other.

The disowned Other.

The denied Other.

The unknown, unfelt, unseen, unheard, untasted, unsmelled, Other.

The not-understood Other.

The betrayed and the betrayer, Other.

The unreconciled Other.

The unexplored, unencountered Other.

The wounder and the wounded, Other.

The one who had forgotten you, and whom you had forgotten.

The One who is your Self, apart.

Viewed from outside. Viewed as separate.



"Her eyes!"

They open.

They look. Back at you.

A deep, a beautiful Eye like a jewel, like night. Just for you.



"Self, seeing the Divine Other."

"You are Self, looking at Divine Other in me. I am Self, looking at Divine Other in you."

You see her as she is, just as she really is.

You know her as she is, just as she truly is.

You love her as she is, just as she really is.

You tell her so in like words.

You enjoy her, so much!

You never thought there could be so much to take in of her.

You delight in her, in her warm, close presence.

Her foibles and idiosyncrasies,

Her warts and crooked bits,

Her weaknesses and imperfections,

They are just dressing on the Soul.

The she you see is a flesh-and-blood creature.

It's not Her as She is.

She looks  t h r o u g h  her "self" at you, but She is behind the self.

She is the Divine Other.

The one you love.

The one you lost.

The one you've found again.



"I've found you!"

Oh, delicious Knowing!

The *seeming* Other!

Just the One, experiencing itself by way of the "Other."

A game of recognition.

Gnosis. Knowing.

Through unknowing, to Knowing.

It's the One you came here to see.

It is She. In her is the One.

She is the One for you.

She shows you the One, as its unique and personal expression.

She. Is the One. For you.

Her pleasure and her joy are your delight.

Your passion has been flaring up the entire time.

This passion, this pleasure, this ecstasy,

Of Being with the Other.

Of Knowing, and Feeling, through Love, on all the levels of body, heart, mind and soul.

Not hallucinating, not inwardly involved.

But open. And trusting. And intimate.

And you give her yourself, you give her yourself, you give her yourself.

And all that you are is hers. And she gives you the same gift in return, gives herself to you to Love.



"This is Love!"

It is a torrent of feeling, an ever-dancing wind of possibility and power, an exquisite ecstasy of seeing and being seen, of pleasuring and being pleasured.

An ever-opening lotus flower, the joy of an ever-expanding Knowledge of the Other and the Self.

A free and light and easy joy that permeates every thought, word, and deed.

You treat her like you would want an Other to treat you.

You tell her what you would need to hear, if you were in her place.

You consider her side equally with your side.

You honour and respect her.

This is how you play the game!



"And we are in Gaia, with Gaia..."

You are in Gaia, with Gaia, both together in the dream of Gaia.

In Kali's Game....



She has woken you up.

Now you must awaken her.

She saw you before you saw into her and saw Her.

She loved you before you learned to love her.

Her love allowed you to make your leap of faith, now yours must help her to find her wings.

She has awakened you, and now it is your turn to awaken Her.



See her as She is.

That is the beginning. The rest will follow.